This was my day care instructor and church organist when I was but a wee lad. She would drive all the children she watched over to this wonderful redneck, the-bible-says-to-beat-your-wife-and-child-till-they-serve-you kind of church, where everyone calls everyone "brother so-and-so" and "sister so-and-so", every Sunday and Wednesday night. Well for some reason this lady felt inclined to tell me on random occasions that "the lord jesus christ was going to come back tomorrow (it was always tomorrow) and that I was not going to be saved." Who, me? Anyway, this lady must have had some kind of hypnotic effect on women, she would charge all of the children's parents in order to watch us for about 3/4 of the sunlit day, but the majority of the mothers would stay after they dropped their children off and smoke cigarettes, drink coffee, and bullshit for at least half of the time they were paying this lady to watch us chilrin'.

I once told this lady I had to go to the bathroom and she told me I was a liar and that she didn't believe me. She then followed me into the bathroom with a yardstick, and stood over me while I tried to take a piss. Now, I may be alone in this, but I got stage fright having someone who was twice my size, brandishing a length of wood (that she was known to go ape shit on all the kids asses with), fuming behind me whilst in such a vulnerable position as having my prepubescent penis gripped in my quaking hands wishing to a god that was going to come down tomorrow to smite my sinful soul into the lowest depths of a fiery lake. Needless to say, only a couple of drops could be forced out, proving that(along with the facts that I can swim if cast in water, and had a pet cat) I was a liar and in league with the dark lord Satan himself. Of course, there is only one punishment for trying to sell my soul to the devil in exchange for 3 minutes in a bathroom, and that is to have the evil beat the fuck out of my ass with a yard stick untill I can't sit for 3 or 4 hours.