Original Post: 06.21.03
This Parish is so fucking dead of amusement. What the fuck is there to do anymore? I could be wrong here, but how worthless is existing when you hunger for the next game of Dungeons & Dragons or Diablo 2 (over a LAN, no less) like some Trekkie, R.A. Salvatore fan, because everything else has been exhausted. I'm tired of waking up everyday to such a bland existence. The world has been raped of all wonder and mystery. We played it too fast. Now we just have to sit here, stuck in mediocre reruns of what has already been, and wait for the new version of reality. I wonder if I can pirate the next version upgrade from Kazaa. Hmmm.

Original Post: 05.16.03
So I spent all day yesterday cleaning my house and only got half the damn house clean. Afterwards however, fRED D. and I met up with cHERRY,the pENGUIN, and one of the pENGUIN's daughters to go to the Great European Circus, which was performing for "one night only" in Chalmette. fRED D. and I expected the worst so we steeled ourselves with a tRAVELLING J on the ride there. We met the ladies there and set forth into the worst circus ever imagined. My initial impression of the production was that it was strangely eerie. It gave me the feeling of one of those horror movies like Something Wicked This Way Comes, (You know the ones where the circus is cheap and rundown and the people who run it are all seriously depraved freaks that fornicate with the animals and each other, or they are really souless denziens of evil, sent out to capture the pure souls of children for their dark lord). Further into the production however, I realized that they were more along the normal everyday degenerates, who had no spirit for what they were doing nor any respect for themselves or the animals they used in their act. They kept their monkeys in cages that had only enough room to fit them in. This was also true for the two massive pythons they had. Furthermore, when they brought out one of the monkey performers, it was obvious that he was irate and had no love for his two "trainers" that were in the ring with him. Amongst the many disturbing points in this particular act, the sommersaults were the worst. The woman they had leading the monkey's performance ordered him to sommersault, which he did. However, when he did not want to do anymore, she had him jump and then would yank his leash backwards so that he was forced to sommersault by his throat. Needless to say I was a bit disturbed (Yes fuck all you hunting, fur-wearing, animal killers. May you all burn in hell. Now I'm going to Outback for a steak).
After the performance, we all decided to go to Burger King. After ordering, we all sat in the play area so that the pENGUIN's daughter could frolic in the tower of nets and tubes. Halfway through our meal though, the pENGUIN jumps up and starts freaking out. Her daughter had obviously climbed to the top of the structure and found a hole in the netting that I could have probably crawled through, let alone a 4 year old child. When the pENGUIN and Fred D. went into the stucture to get her, they discovered that certain cells of the thing had had shit splattered and smeared upon their walls. This all resulted in the cops being called and a medium amount of drama.
All of this was odd, because going into Chalemette, fRED D. and I were discussing why you always hear how shitty Chalemette is.

Original Post: 05.03.03
Yesterday was mine and my girlfriend's six(66. Cheesy, I know, but fuck it) year anniversery, and we decided to spend the day in New Orleans and then go see X(men)2 that night. Though overall we had a great time, the morning began in drama. As I tried to wake her in a way that I would assume any person would find agreeable, I get not the cooing words passion but instead, " you're not really going to get those ugly tattos, are you?". Anyway, this comment, which actually stems from a very touchy subject in our relationship, bothered me to the point that I was seriously considering taking up homicide as a hobby. From this, a general coldness quickly grew between us until it began forming into a realization that the path our relationship is on was very bleak. Much drama, much drama. Regardless, after a climatic and emotional display at the Hard Rock Cafe (why is this sounding very pop-tart soap opera?), we finally got hold of ourselves, ignored our problems (I hear music! Fuck yeah, that's the only way to take it in), and set out to make the best of the day.

On our excursion, I was finally able to find and purchase a bottle of Chartreuse (forty fucking dollars for this shit and yes it's French, sorry America), official liquor of Poppy Z. Brite and her literary characters (which include ALL the characters in her book Lost Souls, even if she is ashamed of writing "a stupid vampire novel". Bitch). I was also able to pick up one or two X-mas presents for my homies, Hehe. bABY either wouldn't let me buy her things she liked or the ones that she would needed to be payed in cash only, which I rarely carry. At about 5:30 or so, we decided to go check out a strip club, before heading up to Coyote Ugly's for the Rod Ryan After-School Special. We decided on this low-end joint that featured Men and Women Sex Acts. This was obviously amateur shit, as any F.O.P. could tell you, but we were there for the fun of it. We spent the rest of our time in New Orleans in this place, it was too much fun. We met the two male dancers and one of the females. Later that night I decided to buy bABY a lap dance from each of the two males, Darvin and "the Other Guy". Other than a few complaints, I think she liked it. She then decided to buy one for me from Michelle(aka: Bootylicious), the female dancer we had been talking to. This girl is now one of my heros, she claims one boyfriend and eight, count them 8, girlfriends. Great shit man. Of course I was very embarassed, having large perfumed breasts in my face and my hands being guided on her flesh, and giggled like a drunken,little bitch. Keep in mind now, this was no hot, slim sex-kitten. This was a ghetto-fabulous booty dancer. I just want that visual to set in.

We finished the night up with X2 at the Palace. Which I was not disappointed by. It was a good as far as sequels go.

Crowning Drunken Achievements:

1) Spilled one of my $6.75 whiskey and cokes on my leg after only one sip. This was ok, because I still had one of my $6.75 Budweiser longnecks.

2) Trying to run back to the strip club to get my booksack that I had left, I trip on my pant leg and go for a superman minus the skateboard or the altitude.

Original Post: 04.19.03
cHERRY and I had a visit from uNCLE cID Friday night. I didn't have very much fun though. We spent most of the night visiting the cUTE pENGUIN from the rED iGLOO, which kinda freaked me out. I couldn't seem to keep track of which conversations involved my interaction nor could I seem to follow along with the ones that did. When I would try to converse, I would say things that were nowhere near what I had meant to say and I had, for some unknown reason, a feeling of uncomfortableness. This was not helped by the Clockwork Orange-esque brainwash I recieved in an attempt to amplify my, obviously unsatisfactory, intrest in the genius of Mike Patton. This was done by playing a VHS of about 10 Faith No More video's, from begining to end, at least twice. You see cHERRY seems to be under the impression that I utterly despise Patton's very essence on this plane of existance, and that i wish for nothing more than his total and painful demise. She passed her deduction on to the pENGUIN (her fellow Patton obsessee it would seem), thereby allowing them to form a psychic conspiratal duo whose sole purpose was to convert me over to the adoration of Patton. All and all it was the epitome of frustration. On the other hand I did get to see a skeletal form swimming through the gravel of my street in unison with the song Anger Management, by the band Lovage(yes with singer Mike Patton). That being all that was of any intrest that has happened to me recently, I am done.