2005 update....as of now.
Mood:  caffeinated
oRPHAN and I are now romantically attached and are more than happy with that situation, as we have both found a happiness we didn't know was possible in each other. I have a year of school left and plan on purchasing a home of my own once I've graduated. I figure I've got a pretty good deal layed out for me. Purchase the home via the V.A. loan and then make the monthly payments with my disability sum whilst I gain my living funds through work. As is the plan oRPHAN and most likely lOVECHILD will be living with me and will be able to help with utilities. That's the plan, lets see how much a year can deviate it's course.

oRPHAN and I recently took in a chihuahua puppy which has been dubbed "Killer."



Being unsure if I've made the following updates and too lazy to go and check....


I've since mended my past grudges and have revived my friendships with bRAIN, kID vID, fRACK,lUNY, and aRTAP. This has taken a suprisingly and previously unnoticed weight off of my shoulders....chest...whatever body area you wish to use. As cliche and silly as it may sound, I have discovered that grudges stubbornly held on to are like poison for the spirit. It was suprising how much better I felt once I had reconciled my differences with each of the afformentioned people. The only grudge I really hang on to now is against pHANTOM, and even that is slowly dying. It is hard for me to hate her when I sit back and look at what a pitiful, pathetic individual she really is. I was so hurt and tortured because she had lied to me and hidden who she really was. However, all that hurt and pain was from my own pride. I was really angry at myself for being duped, and as time wore on the anger grew more as I realized I had been duped by someone so ignorant and low. I am no longer angry. I've learned my lesson and have moved on. Now I just feel pity. I pity her and the life she has chosen to live. She will never be truly happy, and that is really very sad. She doesn't have enough strength to be her own person or be comfortable as and individual. She has crucified herself to the same crusty old cross that her mother, aunts, and grandmother have hung from for years. Her spirit is forever fouled with bitterness, unhappiness, and lack of identity. I doubt that her spirit will ever be fertile again, and if it does become so, I fear it will be too late in her life to be able to do anything about it. Too soon she will realize that physical and material worth and acceptance is of little use. There is so little time for us to live before we our energy is snuffed out, there is no time to waste. I fear her life will be wasted away faster than she will realize. Too bad. Luckily, that poison which taints her life has been removed from ours. Everything she and I shared involvement in has taken a drastic turn for the better since her removal. The workplace is much more easy going, light hearted, and successful. Home is no longer a four letter word...though in acutallity...it is...a four ..letter word.....you get my point though.


On a somewhat, though not all together, different note. My new relationship is quite agreeable and obviously late in coming. oRPHAN is everything I've ever wanted in a lover. She is my best friend and my dearest love. I feel no need to hide anything from her and no subject is taboo for our conversation. When we talk I feel as if I am speaking with an equal rather than a pompous ass who feels they are above me in some way. Our sex life (yes, I have one finally) is amazing, adventurous, and bountiful. My family and friends have all made clear how much more they enjoy her over my previous "romantic" companion, and have made known how much of a positive change they have noticed in me thanks to her. I've heard "I was wondering when you two would get together, ya'll are perfect for eachother" more times than I care to even begin to count.


Changing the subject completely, my longest (no pun intended) friend, tHOR, and his now wife, (I married them together a couple of weeks after Katrina hit) lUNY, have had their first child. Her name is Eliana and she was born on Halloween of 2005. Having known tHOR since we were about three, he is the closest to a brother that I have. His child, in my opinion, is technically my neice. I will ensure that she is treated as thus.


All else I can think of is my chrismas gift list of doom. so here goes:

- (gen5)30gig Ipod mini (744 songs so far and haven't even made a dent in the fucker)

- a matching set of concrete cast gargoyles and pedistals to grace either side of my bedroom door.

- an inflatable love doll sheep (don't ask)
- a skull headed cane
- an electronic dart board