P33P5

I:WAS:RAISED:IN:AMERICA: AND:AMERICA:HATES:ME:FOR:WHAT:I:AM

COLDPHIRE > GLUTTONY > > P33P5

CHAINSAW

I asked Cherry to introduce me to this guy after I had heard about his hijinx at our local mall's food court. Apparently he was walking around the food court squirting blue Kool-Aid from a Windex bottle into his mouth. He then proceded to fall to the ground and convulse until he was escorted out by security and banned.

Needless to say he turned out to be riotously entertaining and a damn cool guy.

CHERRY

cHERRY (named for her obsession with cherries and their symbolic representation with virginity) is one of the oldest friends in the group. It was actually, in no small way, her entrance into our gathering, and the drama that later ensued, that started the base ideas for FOP. Currently she is dating a jolly good ol' chap by the name of Egg who bears frightening resemblance in both facial structure as well as speech pattern with Party Boy.
Along with her obsession with her namesake fruit, she also obsesses over scary looking stuffed animals and Mike Patton and has a tendency to shout out obscenities, shriek like an infernal infant from the deepest bowels of the the lowest pits of hell, or don a small child's voice and tell of her father touching her "secret, no-no spot" in the shower.

FRED D.

(UPDATE: ASHELEY TURNED OUT TO BE FUCKING EVERYTHING WITH A FUCKING ERECTION (EXCEPT ME, WHY AM I ALWAYS LEFT OUT OF THE FUN).IT SEEMS THEY HAD GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER FOR AWHILE, BUT HE GOT TIRED OF HER LAZINESS AND HAS FINALLY DISMISSED HER FROM HIS LIFE. A BIT TOO BAD THOUGH, SHE WAS CUTE AND NONE TO SHY ABOUT TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF. OH WELL.)

fRED d. (so named for the resemblance he has to Fred Durst, if Fred Durst were crack-fiend skinny) was introduced to me through my girlfriend, pHANTOM, when he had come to visit her, his childhood friend, from Utah where he had been living since he had left home at 14. The first night I met him, and after I had dropped pHANTOM off at home, I drove him out to Picayune, Ms to meet a guy by the name of Jerry the Fairy. Jerry was an ex flaming homosexual drag queen who had dismissed his ways when he had found Christ. He now lived in a trailer in the middle of fucking nowhere, with his pet chihuahua, Coochey. Jerry also still had the flaming accent and lisp and loved to show off his photoalbums (with narration) and his box of little penis novelties that he presented as his dog's dildos. fRED thought the visit hilarious and thereby deemed him ok in my book.
After moving back to the area we gave him our couch as a room so that he would not have to adjust to the horrors of moving back in with his parents after living on his own for so long. fRED and I, amongst many an inebriated night, planned out and eventually built the sHED in our own image and called it good.

ORPHAN

Orphan is my deeply loved sister. Though technically we were not spit out of the same vagina nor were we of the same breed of ringworms that found their way to an egg, she is my sister nonetheless. I was introduced to her through Syn when she began dating him. She didn't like me too much when we first met and thought I was "throwed off." We slowly started attuning to each other and have now become extremely close. Almost family...well maybe family bordering on incestuous tendencies. SYN (UPDATE: SYN AND ORPHAN WERE MARRIED ON OCTOBER 13 2004 BY YOURS TRULY) SYN I met around '98 or '99. He lived in a little silver bullet camper while he saved up money for his first tattoo kit so that he could become an ink slinger. He has been working at Lagniappe Custom Tattoos for a number of years now and has since moved out of that shitty fucking camper, gotten a condo, married (to Orphan no less, lucky bastard), and is now on the verge of a bitter divorce. Makes ya kinda teary eyed to see them grow up so damn quick. He did the piece on my left arm and the fire on my right. He supposed to be sticking some more ink in me, but I figure I'll let him catch his breath first. When not imbedding ink into people's skin, SYN can be found playing every video game that has ever been made on any console, smoking about a carton of cigarettes a day, or squinting out at the world through bloodshot eyes and a haze of smoke. THOR Thor I've known since I was about three. We both attended the same psycho christian pre-skool and the same psycho southern baptist church. He lost vision in his right eye, when he was very young, during a bottle rocket war; I like sneaking up behind him and poking him in the face on that side and watching him jump in unprepared surprise, he doesn't like that too much though for some reason. Thor stands about 6'3" and is skinny as a fucking rail, however he does boast a fucking dick like a log. It is easily 10", if not more, long and a good 2"+ thick. It is because of this hammer of a cock, as well as his shitty little lightning bolt tattoos on his upper chest, that he has been dubbed Thor. We don't really hang out much anymore, but I have discoverd that he will soon be a father. He has knocked up his long time girlfriend, Moon, and eagerly await their chance to seriously fuck up the head of their new young daughter. More to come when I get my thumb out of my ass and stop jacking off to videos of 10 year old boys masturbating.