Voice Drop
Today, I had a decent voice drop, kinda out of the blue! It seemed like I wasn't making much progress with it...in fact, I just had my 6 week follow up appointment (really at 7 weeks) and he was saying that he wanted to up me to 200 mgs of T at my next appointment in 2 months.

Things are kinda crazy out here, so I can't write much more than this, but just wanted to put up an update. Maybe next time I'll post something about more personal things...<>

Shot # 4
Well, it's been an interesting 10 days, from turmoil (internal and external) and battles with legal issues. It's amazing how changing your body chemistry can alter the way you react to things. I find myself finally knowing when my temper is going to come up and it's much easier to calm myself down when I know it's there. I haven't had the urge to punch holes in walls or throw things like I used to. It's actually kinda weird, to have that control after an entire lifetime of unpredictable temper.

On the T front, I had my second large dose (1/2 of a normal male's level) on Wednesday. I really should have it more often, like 10 days apart, but right now I'm at the whim of my doc until I can start my self-injection routine. My voice is changing ever so slowly, almost too leisurely for my own patience. I've lost a total of 25 lbs since I began T 7 1/2 weeks ago, which is kinda nice. I'm still building muscle, but working out less (just haven't had time), hopefully not eating too much crap.

We Americans have a love affair with fast food. And I don't even like it!

My friend couldn't get his therapist to approve a letter so he could go to the endocrinologist and get a script for T. She goes by the Harry Benjamin standards (which he meets, btw) and said that she didn't feel like this is something to rush into. Easy for her to say. People outside of the transgender community often have no clue what it's like to come out and know exactly what you want.

There shouldn't be 'standards' to meet in order to become who you need to be! When a guy wants a bigger penis, does he have to get 2 letters from psychotherapists? Does a schizophrenic have to jump thru hoops and get notes authorizing the things he / she needs to ensure his / her quality of life? IT's craziness and I think it's BS.

I've thought long and hard about who I want to become and my friend has also. It's been a lifetime coming and I think we should have a right to have done the things we so desperately need. Is it a crime to want to be happy?

I made a fan!
Hello. Well, quite unexpectedly I've come to find that there's someone out there reading this damn thing. And here I thought I was just talking into the dark depths of cyberspace with a voiceless rambling of html! LOL

It's been 2 months since I've posted last and, inspired by my Brit reader, I will ad some semblance of an update...

I'm nearly two months into testosterone (3 shots, 6 weeks) and I didn't see very much progress until a couple of days ago. Now I'm starting to grow a mite of facial hair (a coupla blonde ones) and my voice has changed ever so slightly. I lost it for a while --actually, it's still gone bc I'm sick-- but I'm sure it's going to return in very interesting fashion.

The most interesting part of the transition so far has been the fact that I'm unable to cry; I think in the last 6 weeks, even w/ all the stress I've been under, I've cried once. And I'm also gaining muscle at a faster rate while I lose fat...working out does help give me an outlet when I can't be emotional otherwise. My breasts are smaller, too, from a 44D down to a midrange C, the smallest they've been since junior high.

Right after I posted my last entry, I did my offering to Athena in thanks for everything she has provided. Oddly, I've felt a great affinity to my magickal roots, even though I haven't had much time to do any rituals. But casting as I transition has proven interesting because my energy is changing very rapidly. In fact, I may have to redo my totem animals when I'm closer to getting surgery.

I have a friend who is starting to transition --he came out this week as a matter of fact, inspired by my change and another friend's. It's an odd feeling to be an example to others, but I certainly hope that I can give back to others the way that I'm giving back to myself. If there's anything I can do to take care of my friends, especially during transition, I will. It's a tough thing to go thru, no matter how super-supportive your family and friends are.

Thank you for reading along and I promise I'll post more often.

Athena's Gift
A very smart creature told me to thank Athena for giving me the gift of a connection that I needed very badly. He suggested that I offer her something special, besides olives, and told me that she would want me to be a hero. Everyone should be a hero when they are privileged with Athena's gaze, so I'm doing my best to be a hero.

There are many many FTMs out there (female-to-male, transgendered folks) who are looking for the information that I'm discovering and using to my advantage. They are all in various states of transitioning and many of them have a different idea of how they're going to do that transition.

I'll do my best to post what I can as far as information goes, since like so many before me, I want to share my transition. I'll do it the only way I know how, being as clueless about building websites as I am <>. So here goes! *laugh*