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I am right!

Wednesday, 17 November 2004

Professional Football is Gay
Mood:  irritated
Originally posted 10/20/2004

Over the past few years, I've been working on a theory that America's obsession with professional Football is indicative of massive amounts of deep seated homosexuality. I think that having this all organized in writing will help me to develop the theory.

Let's start at the beginning. What is the objective of a game of Football.

The game is played by two teams consisting of big strong muscle men wearing tight shiny pants.

One team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants goes about attempting to "penetrate the endzone" of the other team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants.

The other team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants is trying to prevent the other team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants from "penetrating their end zone".

The action of the game centers around the Quarterback. At the beginning of most plays, the quarterback lines up behind the center. The center is on all fours while another man steps up behind him in a simulation of gay sex.

Whenever one team successfully penetrates the end zone of the other team, you will see grown men spanking each others buttocks to celebrate.

After the game, two teams of big strong sweaty muscle men go back to their locker rooms, strip nude and shower together.

Let's take a look at some of the names of positions.
"Tight End", "Wide Receiver", "Slap Back"

Let's take a look at the names of some of the teams in the NFL.
"The Buccanners" Butt Pirates anyone?, The Green Bay "Packers" What are they packing?, "Browns" This one explains itself. The Raiders, The Titans, The Oilers, etc...Many of the names have obvious homoerotic overtones.

The uproar over the "Janet Jackson Incident" at the Super Bowl wasn't really over indecency. It was because the great homoerotic love fest was interrupted by a woman's breast.

I grew up in Pittsburgh, hating football. This is like growing up on an island and hating fish. About 8 or so years ago, something like 40% of the people in and around Pittsburgh actually voted YES to an additional 0.05% sales tax because the team was threatening to leave town.

These people were ready to financially take it in the rear just to keep a sports team here! I don't get it.

Football is Gay.

UPDATE:11/17/2004

The NFL and some of their homoerotic fans are upset that ABC dared hint at a naked woman during this week's Monday Night Football game.

In case you missed it before...
FOOTBALL IS GAY!
GAY GAY GAY

Posted by vamp/assamite0 at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 17 November 2004 1:21 AM EST
Post Comment | View Comments (4) | Permalink | Share This Post

Monday, 6 December 2004 - 11:44 AM EST

Name: Slashdot Person

Just because you don't enjoy something, that doesn't mean it's gay. While American football is taken way too seriously, especially on the highschool and college levels there is no need to try to make everyone who enjoys it out to be homos. Did you ever think that maybe people were pissed off over the titty shit and ABC ad because they have their kids watching this stuff? I could care less about Janet Jacksons Tit, or a silly ad where a player hints at fucking a chick before a big game. I can understand how parents would be pissed though, since network TV is ment to be the one place where parents can let their children actually watch TV and not be worried about some oversexed programming.

Tuesday, 7 December 2004 - 12:28 PM EST

Name: Lord Kano

Professional football is the representation of collective repressed homosexuality in society.

It's not just that I don't like it. The actions of the fans bear out my theory.

As for parents, it's OK to watch big strong muscle men in tight pants smacking each other on the buttocks, but heads need to roll because they hinted at romance between a man and a woman?

I'm not sure about the purity of their motive.

Tuesday, 7 December 2004 - 4:13 PM EST

Name: Slashdot User

The same could be said for most professional sports, the NBA in the past with their short shorts, baseball has the buttocks grabbing, all forms of wrestling or Ultimate fighting are homosexual repression then too.

A true hetero sexual doesn't see ass slapping as being a little off because they wouldn't even consider a man in that context until it's brought up. Maybe you should re-examine your own repressions. :)

Tuesday, 7 December 2004 - 7:46 PM EST

Name: Lord Kano

Especially when it comes to pro wrestling, you have a point. The body slam is accomplished by one man grabbing another man's crotch. However, there was no mass outrage when they started putting hot chicks in WWF/WWE wrestling.

Personally I think that pro wrestling is boring, but the culture of homoeroticism is absent.

I have no issues of repression to deal with. I'm all about the fish, my friend. I do have long hair, and as a result since I was in my teens gay men have tried to pick up on me. Perhaps because of that, I can see things that others do not even notice.

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