Professional Football is Gay
Mood:  irritated
Originally posted 10/20/2004

Over the past few years, I've been working on a theory that America's obsession with professional Football is indicative of massive amounts of deep seated homosexuality. I think that having this all organized in writing will help me to develop the theory.

Let's start at the beginning. What is the objective of a game of Football.

The game is played by two teams consisting of big strong muscle men wearing tight shiny pants.

One team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants goes about attempting to "penetrate the endzone" of the other team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants.

The other team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants is trying to prevent the other team of big strong muscle men in tight shiny pants from "penetrating their end zone".

The action of the game centers around the Quarterback. At the beginning of most plays, the quarterback lines up behind the center. The center is on all fours while another man steps up behind him in a simulation of gay sex.

Whenever one team successfully penetrates the end zone of the other team, you will see grown men spanking each others buttocks to celebrate.

After the game, two teams of big strong sweaty muscle men go back to their locker rooms, strip nude and shower together.

Let's take a look at some of the names of positions.
"Tight End", "Wide Receiver", "Slap Back"

Let's take a look at the names of some of the teams in the NFL.
"The Buccanners" Butt Pirates anyone?, The Green Bay "Packers" What are they packing?, "Browns" This one explains itself. The Raiders, The Titans, The Oilers, etc...Many of the names have obvious homoerotic overtones.

The uproar over the "Janet Jackson Incident" at the Super Bowl wasn't really over indecency. It was because the great homoerotic love fest was interrupted by a woman's breast.

I grew up in Pittsburgh, hating football. This is like growing up on an island and hating fish. About 8 or so years ago, something like 40% of the people in and around Pittsburgh actually voted YES to an additional 0.05% sales tax because the team was threatening to leave town.

These people were ready to financially take it in the rear just to keep a sports team here! I don't get it.

Football is Gay.

UPDATE:11/17/2004

The NFL and some of their homoerotic fans are upset that ABC dared hint at a naked woman during this week's Monday Night Football game.

In case you missed it before...
FOOTBALL IS GAY!
GAY GAY GAY