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Writings on My Mind By: DJ SMALL
Writings On My Mind

Writings On My mind are a collection of
poems, writings and maybe stories written
by me. DJ Small. All works
are original(duh!)and I hope
you enjoy them. E-Mail me
before copying or redistributing
any work that is on here.
I don't write to give it out
without my permission. Thanks.

The "Kylie" Era

The Kylie Era goes from 9th grade
to about the mid-beginning
of 11th grade. That was when
I fell for this girl named Kylie.
First real love of my life, so it
took me awhile to get over her.
So yeah,enjoi.


I've lost the girl of my dreams.
She'll never know how I feel.
I'd tell her my heart screams her name,
And that to hold her would ease my pain.
It's a love that will never be.
It's a game I want to win.
To win that game would mean
a life time of bliss.
But now, that game is over.
All that's left is the pain.

"I'd Blame Her"

I've walled off my heart.
I'm afraid.
Afraid of getting hurt,
Afraid of getting to close,
Afraid of loving.

Yes I want love,
Yes I want to get close,
but not at the cost of getting hurt.
That's when the fear would kick in.

I'd blame her.
Oh, how fast I'd blame her.
I got close.
I loved her.
I wasn't afraid.

I should have.
Still though, I don't blame her.
She's taught me something,
She's taught me that it's bound
to happen again.

So I've learned.
Learned to block my heart.
My soul.
No more falling in love,
No more getting close.

I'd balme her,
but I'm to hurt to do it.

"First Love"

First love is supposed to be special.
Mine was at first.
First love is supposed to last.
Unfortunately, mine has.
First love is to bring up great memories.
Mine brings up painful memories

Am I the exception of the first love?

My first love was special.
Then she broke my heart.
My first love has lasted.
To only drive me insane.
My first love will never bring
up great memories.
It brings up the memory of my
heart being ripped out and
thrown against the wall.

So, in actuality,
that wasn't my first love.
My first love doesn't exsist.
That's only because, my first love
is now my first heartbreak.


I never thought I was the jealous type.
I've been proved wrong.
I never thought I'd jealous over some girl.
It drove me crazy
To have the girl of my dreams with another person.
To act like a brat about some one that's not mine.
Sure I was jealous,
you'd be too if you'd
fallen in love with the greatest
girl in the world.

I'm a victim of jealousy and I'll always be.

"Hollow Of My HEart"

The hollow of my heart fill with sadness.
Why? I do not know.
Maybe it's the longing to be love somebody.
Maybe it's the longing to be loved.
The more i think about it,
the more my heart fills with depression.
I walk around and I see the
love all around and it saddens me
that I still remain loveless.
The love I want is endless,
the love I want is awesome.
I wait for the day,
the day I find the one I love and
also loves me back.
I sit and wait,
waiting for the time,
the time I no longer will remain loveless.

"Drunken Confession"

I was drunk.
How was I going to know I'd remember
the biggest confession to myself?
The biggest realization.

I was full of pain.
Pain that was unnecessary, but needed.
Pain and alcohol don't mix.
God, I was hurting that night.

I hated her that night.
I hated her for the way she hurt me with no
I hated the way she made me cry that
I hated the fact that I was hating her.

My friend said, "DJ you have to tell her this."
Ther what exactly?
Tell her that she basically fucked up my life?
No. Never.

I said to my friend, "No, I can't. I love her to
damn much to hurt her."
There it is,
the big realization.
I still loved her.

There's my explanation.
Explanation of why I can't love,
why I'm afraid to let someone in.
I still lover her.

Yeah, she's a couple of girls down the line,
but she's still there.
She's reminder.
Reminder to my fear,
my unresolved love.

That's the end of the
Kylie Era.
Here are a few links.

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Page 3

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© DJ Small 2004