In late 2002, I had the privilege of being introduced to a quite extraordinary and endangered race of man. The closest colleagues of the specimen in question informed me that his exact origin was unknown. Upon contact with the subject, however, he was able to communicate his name to me--it being Finn Pincus (hereby referred to as "Subject A"). I concluded his ancestry to be Irish/Celtic by name of which he addressed himself. Upon further investigation, I learned that the subject had so far been unable to find a mate, and given his generalized age, I recognized that this "Finn Pincus" must be the last of his kind.
Two teams were immediately formed--one ensured the specimen's survival in captivity, while the other began the daunting task of tracing its lineage. Now, in mid-February 2003, enough information has been gathered regarding the subject that accurate inferences can be made about its evolution and existence.
Pending approval of the Federation of American Scientists, our research has proven that the subject is in fact evolutionarily linked to Lucky the Leprechaun--the famed spokesman of Lucky Charms breakfast cereal (hereby referred to as "Subject B").
For Background on Subject A,
Click Here.
For Background on Subject B, Click Here.
Figure 1.1
Phylogenetic History:
Figure 1.2
Recently discovered fossil evidence indicates that Subject A is a descendent of a species believed to be a Homo sapien/cartoon character hybrid. Anthropologists and paleontologists concur that a break in the phylogenetic line occurred sometime between 1940 and 1960 A.C.E., thus giving rise to three new species. Subject A, tentatively named Homo pincus, is thought to be the first of these to appear. He is followed evolutionarily by an even rarer species, Breakfastus leprechaunus, which is endemic to countrysides in the United Kingdom and boxes of children’s breakfast cereal.
Even more atypical is the development of a race of man that is approximately one-eighth the size of an average human being. Further studies are expected.
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