just stop trying
Mood:  smelly
there's always that one person in life that you try so hard to please, but never feel satisfied. you're just never smart enough, nice enough, whatever enough..actually just never like them enough. then there's that day you realize that trying to please someone who's not pleased with who you truly are just isn't worth it. you realize that you will NEVER be good enough for them and trying is just a huge waste of your time. then you decide you don't care anymore, which is a pretty good feeling. it's like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. it's relieving. you tell yourself that you're better than them and there's no reason to live up to their impractical expectations. it's a good feeling..untilllllllllllll your parents,for example, bitch at you about how you're grades aren't good enough and THEN you see that there will always be someone's expectations you must TRY to live up to. always. if there wasn't, then no one would do anything. we'd just be a world of couch potatoes. good thing people have ridiculous expectations for others. and also, good thing we care so much about what others think. it's really a noble thing to do for someone you "care" about. give them impossible standards to live up to and they will spend their whole life working hard to achieve this. now, of course, they will never be good enough for you, but they'll turn out pretty successful. it's like when they say "shoot for the moon and you'll land among the stars." good advice. except it DOES suck when you don't make it. oh well, you'll probably have a nice house or a loyal dog or something.

:)

a serious question
Mood:  lazy
after watching the movie, little black book, i wonder whether it is better to be oblivious and content with life or to find out what you don't know, but are curious about. in the movie, the main girl snoops through her bf's palm pilot and finds info on his ex-gfs along with other things that she didn't know about him. this eventually leads to their break-up. i know this is invasion of privacy, but if she could've found a more moral way to do it, should she have tried to find out more about her boyfriend, or just stayed happy in her relationship? if omission is betrayal, how will we know if we are being betrayed all the time if we don't try to find out more? if there is something you want to know, yet the answer has not made it to you by itself, should you look for it? i've always wondered this, whether it is better to stay in the dark and be happy, or to find the answer to what you're wondering. i'm sure everyone has been in a situation like this. and i guess the answer is really situational. yet, i wish there was a definite yes or no that could apply to every situation. many times there are regrets in looking for something that you could live without knowing, but, also, in many cases you are better off knowing. you might not be as happy as you were before, yet to think you didn't know whatever it is before is unbelievable. although, another outcome is that what you were looking for is what you had confidence in all along, so there really was no point in looking further. you may feel better knowing you were right, yet you often feel bad for being in doubt. for example, (and this is completely made-up) if you think your friend is cheating on their bf/gf. you are perfectly fine NOT KNOWING if they are or not, it doesn't really change your life in any way. however, you really want to know. so do you go and try and find out in order to help their bf/gf or do you stick with the confidence you have in your friend and let it go. if you do try to find out, you could ruin your friendship by betraying them. if you don't you will live with the question in the back of your mind forever. what's more important: having confidence in the person or situation, or knowing the truth? if you ask me, it's a pretty tough call. in this case, i guess the moral thing to do is trust your friend and drop it. but it's not always that easy (if that even was "easy" :-/)...
seriously, that is a REALLY tough decision. every so often a situation like that comes up and i wonder what to do. now, usually, i can't control myself and look for the answer to my question, and usually i regret it. it's never anything too important, just a waste of my time finding an answer i already knew. but one day, there will be a more serious situation i must face, and i probably won't have a clue what to do. *sigh* life is so confusing..

the end.


post script- happy 18th b'day to megan!! (tomorrow) :-D

remember?
Mood:  accident prone
you know, out of all the things you can't survive without, your memory is definitely top 3 (after caitlin's journal and the wing factory, and maybe freerunning (link is fixed) now that i've seen it). all those movies about memory(paycheck, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, 50 first dates, memento, and the list goes on) really make you wonder how anyone could live if they had NO memory whatsoever. you couldn't live. you'd forget what you were doing every single moment to the point where you couldn't get anything done. ever. that is a weird thought. no memory. you wouldn't remember why you were reading this. you wouldn't have been able to open this web page. you wouldn't be able to function. that's probably why memory illnesses suck so much. memory is just not something to fuck up. yeah.


PS-snow is probably one of my favorite things in the world. :) and i hope we get more this week.

PPS- 100 more school days till graduation!! i hope many underclassmen read this and become severely depressed at that. suckers. :-P

Mood:  bright
Now Playing: el Zol
this is made me laugh

so hfs is gone :( such a shocker. i thought it was a joke when i turned on my radio. but then a friend broke the news to me. what i really don't like is that they didn't tell the junkies or anyone. they didn't want to "ruin the element of surprise" apparently. i mean, if i just walked into work one day and my radio station turned hispanic, i'd be pretty pissed. well, then i'd just bust out my spanish 5 skills and get a raise instead. heck yeah.


here's something interesting..
not a dog person? you will be after reading this
and THAT is why dogs are better. see cats could never pull that off. well, maybe mine. but mine rules and is definitely a dog at heart. :)

stupid cat
Mood:  not sure
i almost hit a cat today. i used to think cats were very smart animals. not this one though. i was coming around the corner and i see this white furball sitting by the curb. it sees me too. i guess, however, it thought i wasn't going to turn, but then realized it and got scared. but instead of running away like an intelligent kitty would, it waits until i'm about 3 feet from it and THEN dashes out in front of me. just like those damn squirrels do. do you animals not understand that you run the OPPOSITE way of whatever you're scared of, omfg. it's almost like people in movies that run upstairs instead of out the door. i think they made fun of that in scary movie or one of those. well deserved. but anyway..being the caring person i am, i brake..HARD, REALLY hard to avoid hitting the poor kitten. however, right as i do this, the cat puts on her (it's a her cause i want it to be) brakes as well. so i guess it only likes running toward moving cars but not stopped ones...but of course as i started up again the cat starts to cross the street again. that little bastard. it was probably trying to mess with me. so i stop again and it stops and then i speed by and the cat finally decides to stay put. maybe it had a death wish or something. i almost feel sorry for it now. it's either really unhappy or really unintelligent. or maybe both because it could just go chew some electric cord if it really wanted to die that bad. *sigh*

<3 cait