The year: 1684
The place: Ye Olde Jolly Olde Engrand.
"Queen Elizabeth! We have urgent news" said the messenger.
"Well hurry up and tell me, bitch" said her majesty.
"Oliver Cromwell has been crushed beneth a tractor in Cornwall! Now who will hold back the barbarian tribes from the West?" the messenger nervously stammered.
"Well go get Dr. Jackson! Hes the only man that could save Cromwell." the queen replied.
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"I can make him better, faster, stronger. I can make him more than just an ordinary Protestant dictator. I can make him into OLIVER SWORDHANDS!!!!!!1"
and so the doctor did
"I.. I feel so strange... what has happened to me doctor? I can barely feel my arms," Cromwell groggily slurred.
"Well that would be because your arms are now swords." said the doctor with great doctory-ness.
"Well that would explain that metallica clanking i hear whenever i clap my hands. But why do i feel like i can take on the entire world by myself?" Cromwell asked.
"That would be because you are now 1/2 pirate, 1/2 Ninja, and 1/2 English Gentleman." replied the doctor, very matter-of-factly.
"Oh"
"Yes, well then. I'll leave you to try out your new powers. Just ring the bell if you need a blowjob from Nurse Betty here." doctor-man said.
END OF EPISODE 1
FLIP TAPE TO HEAR CHAPTER 2
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