Middle school started out well. I didn't really know anyone, so I sat next to Leah Smith-Walter. This is where Leah and I became close friends. We met a nice girl named Tammi. We instantly became great friends. We formed a club called the ARA's. It was pretty useless. The only thing that distguished the ARA's from the rest of the world was that we snapped ARA on the end of their names. For example I was Suzara. Leah was Leara and Tammi was Tamara. In the middle of sixth grade, Tammi moved and with her went our little club.
I began hanging out with Leah more and more. Katherine and I became close friends again because she was good friends with Leah. It was also during this time that I met Keri. Keri had made friends with Kat and Leah. We now had the forming of a group. We were inseparable.
When it came time for seventh grade, Leah, Keri, Kat adn I were best friends. There were many weekends when I didn't even go to my house. I spent all my time with them. Gary was the object of our affection.
We were typical girly girls. We loved the movie Cluless. We loved to go shopping. We had slumber parties every weekend. We bought cheesy friendship necklaces. We talked on the phone for hours and hours, enough that my parents bought me my own phone line so that they could reclaim theirs. We were all really happy.
Then all the sudden things changed. I remember being called to the guidane office. Inside were Keri and Leah. They were both crying. I didn't know what was going. This was the start of it all. First, Kat was upset, then Leah, then Keri. They got progressively worse and worse. I didn't know what to do. They were hurting themselves, and I was just a child trying to deal with a grown up situation. I didn't know what to do so I did what instinct showed me. I cried. From that first moment onward, I can't remember a day that weren't in Mrs. Mikszewski's office. I thought everyone would get better but despite everything.. things just got worse. I wanted to be a good friend but didn't understand and I saw each of them fade. THe saddest part of depression is that you can see the person you love gradually die from the inside out and you are powerless to stop it. You can only watch and make sure they know you love them and hope that they get a grip before it kills them. I know it sounds stupid, but at times I felt left out. I wasn't going to hurt myself though. I didn't want that kind of attention. I turned to music as a way to relieve the pain. I started voice lessons after I quit ballet. I had found something I was good at. I had only been a mediocre dancer. In voice, I won awards. I was named Most Valuable Singer during my last year in middle school.
My friends eventually got somewhat better. I relied on God alot during this period of my life. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the power to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
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