Saint Bernard Top Ten Lists

The Top Ten Things I love to hear as a Saint Bernard Owner

10. Is that a Saint Bernard? (No, it's a really big beagle)

9. He must eat like a horse. (Not really, grass makes him throw up)

8. Why did you get one of those as a pet? (I wanted to get you as a pet, but my parole officer won't let me.)

7. You do know he's going to get big, don't you? (Really? That's not what the man at the puppy store said.)

6. Does he shed?(How do you think I made this sweater?)

5. Does he drool?(Yes.)

4. I'd hate to have to clan up after him.(I'd hate to have to clean up after you.)

3. You should put a keg around his neck.(If I hear that again, I'm going to put a noose around mine.)

2. It's Cujo!(Wow, that's creative. Did you come up with that one all by yourself?

1. Is he going to eat my dog? (No, But I might.)

A Potential Saint Bernard Owner's Checklist

Thinking of buying a Saint Bernard? What? Are you nut... I mean good. You're making the right decision. However, before you go out and by that little bundle of joy (and fur, drool, pee, and poop), you should consult this handy checklist to see if you're ready.

• You enjoy being the object of fear by some of your neighbors.
• You enjoy being the object of fascination by neighborhood children.
• Your wardrobe includes light colored clothing.
• You can handle being licked by a 150 pound ball of fur that was absolutely convinced you had left for good this time.
• You own nothing fragile.
• Your spouse is as insane as you are