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The Packa Lies Daily



Local Cow Claimed To Have Healing Powers



Things are great on the small farm owned by Sylas Hatfield. His cow, Buttercup, has healing powers!
He made this discovery when a cut he had bandaged on his arm dissapeared after spilling milk on it while milking Buttercup.
As told to this reporter by Mr. Hatfield, he cut his arm 3 weeks ago and had not taken the bandage off until he spilled some of Buttercup's milk on it. When the bandage was removed, the cut was healed!
The Hatfields charge a dollar per carload to visit Buttercup, and 10 dollars per gallon of Miracle Healing Milk!


Mad Dog Terrorizes Small Town



A mad Chihuahua ran rampant through the small town of Dorksville Tuesday and caused quite a panic among the townspeople.
One citizen described the scene as "total carnage" and said he feared for his life as he climbed on to a chair to get away from the marauding beast!
Law enforcement officers had to call the National Guard to help capture the animal and calm down the townspeople.


New Mode Of Transportation For School



Dorksville is proud to be the first town to try out the latest attempt to make children's transportation to and from school safer.
Giant turtles have been recruited to ferry children back and forth to school. Already the school board is seeing results. Only one accident has been reported in the two weeks they have been used.
Little Bobby Tootlebaum reportedly fell asleep during the ride to school and toppled off the turtle's back. He skinned his elbow but is said to be in satisfactory condition.

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