Of All The Things He Didn't Know
Peter wanted to scream the denial! He wanted to insist that it wasn't
true and to provide a list of perfectly good reasons why what his father was
telling him couldn't possibly be true. None of this would come, instead he
simply stood on his father's balcony and nodded. Loathing filled him at the
action. Peter Caine, the Shaolin gopher, supplicant student, obedient son,
and little lamb following his masters while wagging his tail. He should feel
anger but the shock was to new, the pain to overwhelming. Truth laughed at
him as he bitterly thought "How could I not have known? How could I have
blindly played the fool all this time?!"
He hated this! Lo Si, the revered ancient, was in fact, Ping Hai.
Peter exhaled slowly trying to calm himself.
"You were gone longer than usual" a voice spoke gently behind him. He looked
at the source of the voice.
"What?"
His father explained. "To your secret place. You have stood in that same
spot for almost ten minutes. A record I believe."
Caine had not meant the words as insult but Peter's eyes welled with tears.
He angrily jabbed a finger at his father.
"Don't! Don't you dare make fun of me. I can't believe you! How can you just
accept this and not the fact that I can't accept this!"
He choked on his words as he tried to hold back tears not even caring if
that last statement had been particularly hard to follow.
"Just leave me alone." he snapped. "Just...Just... I gotta go."
Peter rushed from his father's apartment. A few moments later, a devastated
father heard the sound of tires squealing in protest as a son's retreat.
Caine sat on his floor trying to meditate and center his chi but his
son's anguish haunted him. Without meaning to, Caine had caused his child to
feel yet one more betrayal. Why had he decided to tell Peter the truth? In
telling him, he had tried to spare his son the pain of later realizing his
father and Ping Hai had both deliberately kept this from him, so the secret
had been told. A mistake.
He wanted to reach out to his son but the order to stay away gave him
hesitation. Their relationship was still defining itself and he was at a
loss as to how best aid his son.
"May I enter?" The Ancient/Ping Hai asked from the doorway.
"You do as you wish" Caine answered , keeping his tone neutral.
"You have not yet made peace with the news you and your son have newly
discovered." It was not a question.
Caine shrugged, a habit he was not aware of.
"The Shaolin in me" he answered "recognizes the reasons for your actions and
accepts it. I have faced my anger and pain, embraced it, and turned it away.
There is nothing I can do to change the course our paths have chosen. The
friend in me even thanks you for I know that you believe your actions the
correct one. You sought to save the both mine and my son's life. The parent
in me is more complicated. I thank you for rescuing my child yet the
difficulty of crossing a 15 year chasm that should never have been made,
weighs heavily on mine and my son's heart. I am of mixed emotions, Master."
A knock on the door brought Peter out of his fitful nap. Sleepily, he
opened the door.
His father stood there. "May I come in?" he asked.
Peter felt like shutting the door in the elder man's face but knew that
behavior would not be tolerated. Wearily, he left the door open and walked
into the living room and leaned against the couch. He heard the door shut
softly and knew his father was standing behind him.
"I came to see how you were" Caine said.
Peter forced a cheery tone. "Never better!"
Caine knew how much his son hated to hear him apply "mystical crap" to every
situation so he tried to be as straight forward as possible.
"It is acceptable to be angry my son"
With so much speed and ferocity that i surprise both Caines, Peter grabbed a
pillow off the couch and hurled it across the room. Whirling to face his
father , Peter spat out
"Well Thank You! I was a little worried over that. I was wondering whether
it was okay or not to be angry at a man who single handedly ruined my life!
I wondered if that was an allowed reaction for non-practicing Shaolin." He
bit back tears.
"Cause y'know, for a while I was feeling kinda cheated, knowing that while I
was in that hellhole, Ping Hai, a man who faked his own death, was alive,
well, and patting himself on the back for his brilliant plan. I was a little
more than miffed that he couldn't even tell us the truth himself! You had to
figure it out and explain it to me! And what if we'd never met again. What
then?!" He shook his head and adopted a sarcastic tone.
"But hey, I don't have to worry about that now because you're here telling
me that it's okay to be angry! I'm so *relieved*" With that last word, he
seized a nearby picture frame and hurled it to join the errant pillow. He
felt grim satisfaction as he heard glass break. Caine tried to not to gape.
Never before had Peter shown such lack of control. He must not have hidden
his reaction well because Peter started to chuckle.
"What? Surprised at your little boy's temper?" He bored into his father's
eyes "Well, I am not that little boy anymore."
He smirked. "Did you know that I actually broke a psychiatrists nose once
for telling me that it was...natural...to grieve for a lost loved one?"
At his father's silence, Peter sighed heavily.
Caine finally found his voice. "I am sorry..."
That's as fat as he go before Peter interrupted. This time, the tears came
unbidden to and refused to stop as Peter talked.
"Sorry for what Father?! Sorry that Tan destroyed the temple? Sorry that you
left? Sorry that you believed a very brilliant lie? Sorry for Pin Hai's
betrayal, as well intentioned as it might have been? Sorry for not realizing
the truth sooner? or...or sorry that I wasn't strong enough to continue in
the Shaolin way out from under the temple?"There. He'd finally voiced his
great fear. He could say no more as sobs shook his body. Caine took
advantage of this silence to wrap his son in a tight hug. Father and Son
stood in the embrace, drinking in it's healing power.
Peter let go first as his pager bounced and burbled indicating a
message. He looked down, not surprised to see the precinct's number. An
off-duty cop never seemed able to say off-duty.
"I gotta get this" he said quietly.
Caine nodded. "You may not be a child in years but you will always be my
child and I will be there, as necessary, to guide you through your journey's
troubles."
Peter frowned. "You're being cryptic again."
Caine shrugged. "You are my son no matter what. I love you."
Peter smiled and blushed as Caine turned to leave. When Caine reached the
door, he hesitated then urned back toward Peter.
"I may not completely agree with Ping Hai's actions but I cannot change them
nor their consequences. I must let it go and focus on the present...as must
you."
Peter studied the carpet. "I don't know how" he mumbled.
Caine looked at his son with unabashed affection.
"I will help you."
Peter looked into his father's eyes.
"I love you too Pop... I mean, Father."
Caine smiled and bowed.
They went about their individual chores that day but each carried in his
head the same thought and in his heart the same feeling. That each was alive
and well with the future still lying ahead.
Life...for the moment...was looking good.
THE END
