VA-KY Broadchasing

Welcome to my old romping grounds. This page is set aside as a spoof of where I became a man (literally & figuratively), home-town radio stations WNRG & WMJD.

VA-KY Broadchasing is :

  • WNRG (We're Not Real Good) operates on 940 kilocycles & 5000 whats?
    On-Air staff : Spank Breaker (" How ya doin'? "), Murray Fair, Kim Lawless & Jesse 'The Body' Cole.
    Format : Country hits with extra oldies in the morning & newbies in the afternoons.

  • WMJD (We're Major Jerk Daddies) operates on 97.7 megacycles & 3000 watts ERP (excuse me).
    On-Air staff : Joel Me (" Me in the mornings! "), Louie B.K., & (your name here).
    Format : Live morning drive (6-9 am) with "Me in the Mornings" playing Top 40 / Rock ;
    request/dedications from 7-9 p.m. with the latest high schooler who always wanted to be a DJ.
    During the other 19 hours, satellite A/C ("playing the best from the 70's, the 80's and today").

    Owner : Slave Jordan
    Manager : Ron Ash
    Engineer : "Hairy" Street
    Play by play announcers : Floyd 'Never' Combs & Shrill Bigger
    Sports commentators : Dave Hoagie (Coughin' Sports) & Bill Really ?!?!?!?


    Newbie initiation : Making them count each cycle to make sure we're using as many as the FCC says we can.

    Motto : "Wanna burn one?"



    Some radio daffy-nitions

    Air time : The time between when a DJ first finds out they have to record a new commercial and the time that it's supposed to be played (usually 5 minutes).

    Board : What you are 4 hours into a 6 hour shift.

    Boom Box : Nickname given to the restroom on burrito & taco Tuesdays.

    CD : A good way for DJ's to insure future financial stability.

    Compact Disc : A flat, round digital storage medium which is virtually indestructible until it's removed from it's case.

    Console : A natural collection area for cigarette ashes, spilled caffeinated drinks and cookie crumbs.

    Dead Air : The amount of time between when a song ends and when you run in from the balcony to start the next song.

    Disc : The part of the spine which, when forced out of alignment due to continuous groveling, causes intense lower back pain.

    Distortion : The difference between what is sent and what is received (i.e. The difference between what you meant as a professional suggestion that some of the aging equipment needs updating and what management perceived as a sarcastic inference that your Game Boy contains superior electronics).

    Gain : To add body weight by consuming the staples of a DJ's diet (see console).

    Groupie : A person that makes it worthwhile to take the station Winnebago out on remote.

    Input : Any thoughts or suggestions communicated to management which are subsequently ignored.

    Kill date : Any length of time, up to several weeks, before a piece of out-dated material is actually pulled.

    Marti : An electronic device that relays unwanted noise from anywhere in the surrounding area back to the studios.

    Microwave link : The secertary who kindly brings up your Hot Pocket from the office lunchroom downstairs.

    Phone patch (1) : Electrical circuit that feeds the noise generated by a telephone line directly into broadcast equipment.

    Phone patch (2) : Device applied to DJ's arm so he won't go home at night and answer his phone with "Request Line".

    Pot : Short for potentiometer; a device used to over-modulate an audio signal.

    Program log : A sheet on which to mark the shows and/or commercials you forgot to play.

    Promo : An announcement about any contest, program or event sponsored by the station which will be much less successful than it was originally hoped.

    PSA power : Authorization by the FCC to sign-on earlier than normal; allows you to be heard by anyone you can see.

    Public file : A file that does not contain the documents it's supposed to.

    Pull date : A girl who has to be home by 10 p.m.

    Remote : You can't GET more remote than Grundy!

    Satellite dish : A device used 5 hours a week to receive NASCAR races & 50 hours a week to receive The Playboy Channel.

    STL (Studio to Transmitter Link) : A device which, in the event of a problem, allows the engineer to get to the tower in about 30 minutes (also called a 4-wheel drive).

    TFN : A commercial that will still be playing years after the death of the guy who recorded it.

    Tape-delay playback : The system that allows you to 'work' until 9 p.m. while picking up your date at 8:45.

    Total Running Time : The amount of elapsed time between the beginning of a program element and the beginning of a period of dead air.

    3 second delay : The amount of time between when an obscenity is accidentally used and when the DJ realizes it.



    Groupie : Someone who eases the embarassment of taking the station Winnebago out on remote.

    PSA power : Authorization by the FCC to sign-on earlier than normal; allows you to be heard by anyone that can see you.

    PPSA power : Authorization by the FCC to sign-off later than normal; allows you to be heard by anyone that can smell you.