Dead Baby Jokes
A: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.
Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.
Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
Q: What is Baskin Robbin's flavor of the month this month?
A: Blue Baby Cheesecake.
Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman on a children's playground!
Q: What's black and furry and crawls across New South Wales?
A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders. (Funnel-Web Spiders are black and furry )
Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before
Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.
Q: What is pink and red and gurgles?
A: A baby munching on razor blades.
Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a highchair?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.
Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Fill a glass with root beer, and add a scoop of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby.
Q: What is red and swings back and forth?
A: Dead baby on a meathook.
Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
A: Pulling them off.
Q: What's red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph?
A: A baby in a blender
Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!
Q: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A: Use a blender
Q: How do you get it out?
A: With nachos.
Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: Make a coffee table.
Q: What have you got when four dead babies are piled on top of each other?
A: A stool.
Q: What is the differance between a truck load of dead babies, and a truck load of cannonballs?
A: You can't use a pitchfork on the cannonballs.
Q: Why do you unload a truck full of dead babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell if any are still alive.
Q: How else can you tell if it's alive?
A: At the bottom of the pile, it was trying to eat its way out
Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it
Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds
Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
A: Getting it out of the tires.
Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.
Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A baby with a javelin through its head.
Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin through it's head.
Q: What's small, red and can't get into elevators?
A: A baby with a javelin in it's head.
Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.
Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion.
Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.
Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
A: Same baby, two months later.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb
with.
Q: Why do they boil water when a baby's being born?
A: So that if it's born dead, they can make soup.
Q: What's red and bubbly and scratches on glass?
A: A baby in the microwave.
Q: What's white, red, and runs in a circle?
A: A baby with one foot nailed to the floor.
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: Because it was stappled to the chickens back
Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a penata!
Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line?
Q: What have you got when you strap a dead baby to each foot?
A: Slippers.
Q: What's red and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.
Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
Q: What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
A: With an axe.
Q. What is brown and keeps it's juices in?
A. A baby in an oven bag.
Q: What do you do when your baby dies on Thanksgiving day?
A: Stuff the turkey with it.
Q: How do you tell the age of a dead baby?
A: Cut off its head and count the rings.
Q: What's the difference between a jar of afterbirth and a jar of sand?
A: You can't gargle sand.
Q: What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
A: You can't fuck a rock.
Dead baby falls into blender, Cops still piecing together clues.
Q: What's white and bobs up and down, up and down, up and down in a baby's crib?
A: A pediphile's ass