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it is so weird to me how big everything is..it always has been from the first time i looked up into the sky and realized that each of those little white dots really wasn't a dot at all, but a gigantic star many times larger than the planet on which i stood. and each one of those stars has its own system of planets or dust clouds or what not. and on those planets there could possibly be other people, people looking right back at me and thinking how big the universe is.
and even with people, it's just the same. there are sooo many people out there..and each one isn't just the figure of a person..it's an entire life. every single person has their own stories to tell, and their own view of reality, and their own thoughts--all of which are different than those parts of every other person ever in existence.
sometimes when i look at people, like on the street or something, i wonder where they came from and what they are thinking about. today in the bank there were businessmen in suits and ties, and i found myself wondering whether they really like the jobs for which they were so nicely dressed, and what they were feeling like eating for dinner tonight..random stuff like that. and it is weird cause hardly anybody knows things like that about very many people at all. in fact most people know nothing about the people they see each and every day..
and that is extra-weird.
i see many of the same people every day when i'm walking to class or eating or practicing, but i never speak to them and they never speak to me. much of the time i don't even notice the people around me, and if i saw them more than once i would not even realize it. sometimes there are people i do notice every day, and i wonder about them just like i did about the people in the bank today. it's like, what do they like to listen to and where do they want to go and what do they enjoy thinking about? and i will never know that about them, and they will never know that about me.
when people pass each other, everyone there is in the same place for a couple of seconds, and after that time is over, each one goes a different way to do a different thing that none of the others there will know about. each person is thinking a different thought, living a different life...each of these lives barely touches for a moment, and then everyone walks on.
it just amazes me, how big everything is. it amazes me just to see how big even my own life is, how far it reaches, how many places and people and things my life has touched, and how they have touched me as well. but then i think of how every person i see has that same gift..a life. a life that is so complex, with so much depth and detail that it's impossible to know anywhere close to -everything- about a person, including yourself.
it's absolutely overwhelming, how big everything is.
it's the stuff that makes me sit with my mouth hanging open like i do when i look up at the stars and think of how unimaginably huge they are, and how far they are from the place i am standing, and how much space it must take to make something so big look like something so tiny. and i'm sure i will stare at the sky in awe until the day i die, just as i will always think of people with a bit of wonder. physically, even the most hefty people are like specks of dust in the universe, but each one of us carries so much inside--so many memories and connections and secrets--that no one person could ever be fully understood. and there are so many people, too many to ever know or even meet, each with a mind and a life far too deep to ever fathom.

oh, how we think about this...
what's inside of a trumpet player late, late at night