november 25, 2001
one horizon has come, and although outside it's cloudy, these days have left me standing in the sun.
outside the light finds me, relaxing although i'm running, and casts soft shadows from the southern sky.
and inside a heart beats, so silently despite the way it's been racing, pulsing in time with each step and each thought.
one horizon has come, and another speaks in the distance.

november 13, 2001
"just how far one or two people can reach into someone's life"..
although some have come at my mind with their claws out, so many more have come with soft hands to hold. and if i listen even just for a minute or two, the jazz is still playing, chords streaming around me and filling the air with colors that can be seen without the aid of eyes. and if i think for even a moment, the spirit in my chest lets me know it is still there, that it's not gonna break just yet.
you have stayed with me, i have been blessed.
you have shown me friendship, i have loved and been loved.
you have stayed with me, that i may know peace.

november 12, 2001
i have given up most every hope that has been turning over in my head for these past few months, at least every one that has anything to do with the place i'm in right now. this time has showed me just how important people's actions are..just how far one or two people can reach into someone's life. as for me i don't have much left anymore, not now after they have forced their hands and words and ideas inside of me, pulling away at all i am/was and pouring in all they say i should be. now this mind is burnt black, locked down, held back so hard that i don't remember the last time i saw it intact. and day and night find me praying for their hours to pass just a little more quickly, to stop lilting along and just speed this last month away, far away. because how can one live when she has been stripped, layer by layer? when her assurance is gone and her dignity bruised..when her hopes are placed second to demands which can never be met..when she is told over and over that she is not fit to do that which she loves with all her heart?
but i still sit and stare with the wide eyes of a child. those eyes, though wet with tears, still see something on the horizon.
those eyes, though wet with tears, still see.
there is a light that radiates around the borders of my days, and even in its faintness i can feel its glow. there is a spark that keeps waking me up, and a hope that keeps me from stumbling blindly in my despair. these eyes, they see, but they are not my own. these ears, they can listen, they can hear, they are yours. these hands are writing, they are playing, they are moving, they are running on a fire, burning supreme.
i am running on fire, burning supreme.

november 4, 2001
you speak with pride from your words to the bounce in your step. you speak with words plain ones simple ones but ones that completely describe the complexity of life. sounds hung on strings you pound them out you pound them out. and people hear words they hear stories they see pictures they see you as far as you've gone and as long as you've been there.
mingus you make me hold my breath
but life you make me choke on it
i step out onto the streets of the city under soft lights and with those i know those i love..but i walk alone and half blind. i call to say hello to connect to feel better maybe somehow..but find instead i have lost my place in your life lost the place to lay my head lost myself somewhere between here and the next town. and my words fall short slide down to the place in my throat down to the lump that has been growing but never unraveling the one that wants to do away with my sound with myself as well.
mingus you are all that is left
of all that is here what is here that is a saving thing? and where is that love i have seen where are you..you love supreme? where are you as i wash my world in light brown loveliness rather than love itself? where are you as i slip up as i fall backward as i roll down the side of this cliff praying for the bottom to just hurry up and get here?
each day i sit and i tap my feet and i listen and i smile and i LIE.
cause these days really don't sound that good. and these weeks, they are killing things.