march 28, 2002
never thought i would want to stick around in the same place, hold the same hand every day, wake up and stare into the same set of eyes each morning. never thought i COULD stick around in the same place without bowing to the temptation of something brand new. but being with you is easy, simple like breathing, comfortable like resting, lovely like the sky on summer days. lying silently late at night and listening to the wind in the trees, such is the peace that is our own. and then you speak, and i say..
you can call me something different now, even though i am still the same. call me happy, call me in love..call me glad to be a part of the team.

march 25, 2002
it's so easy to lose everything you once thought was a part of your life, all the people you called friends and each idea you used to shape your actions. all you have to do is leave. walk westward, go east, take a car and go way up north..no matter what direction you travel, you can make it happen. despite all the exchanged numbers, your phone will stay silent, and although everyone around you speaks of missing you, once you are gone, they often forget your face.
knowing this once made me angry and hurt, but now it just tells me to learn, to grow.
i don't know how many people i have forgotten at the hands of practice and school and all other things important, and especially now it hurts to think about it. i have been bad about email, bad about visiting, bad about calling, a bad friend in general, just because "oh i'm soovery busy, maybe tomorrow, OK?" i guess i have just been in college, and as much as i have tried not to, i have been like all my "friends" who turned their backs the second i left. it's a hard thing to be able to say that, but i have to say it, being as wrong as i have been. and the only way to change is to realize the need for a change and then to take action.
maybe i can make big signs and organize a protest march or something...hey, you people be nice to me, cause once a long time ago, we were supposedly good friends.
or maybe i could make a change within myself, make time to call the people who feel like organizing a protest march against me.
maybe this will work, or it could just fail miserably..but such is the risk involved in sticking your neck out, jumping out of your comfort zone, raising your fist and making a change.
the one thing i learned in college was how to challenge myself to make the most beautiful music i could.
the one thing i must learn today is how to hold someone else's hand at the same time.

march 11, 2002
my jealous friend, here you are once again, wrapping your arms around mine, resting your head against my shoulder. it feels good to have you beside me; makes my mind slow down from all its racing, as my muscles release the tension gathered inside them. you ask but a small favor, a tiny piece of time, a nod, a hello...but then how things spread out, and how quickly they grow.
it is so hard to forget such a beautiful face, so impossible to force these memories away.
and driving down the street where you live,
it is simple to forget the flames behind my eyes, and natural to feel my life, thought by thought, slip away.
in this way i let everything stop, wind down, end.
and someday you might just let me stop, if only at the end.