july 23, 1999
in six hours and twenty-seven minutes i'll be off on an expedition into the great sandy unknown, to explore the motel-crowded shoreline and interact with the very tan people there. maybe i will emerge from this place a very tan person as well. (it would be nice..then the rest of me would match my left arm...) and i'll return in seven days with a million more random stories to add to my collection. so, until then, be good little girls and boys...

july 20, 1999
all these years of thinking i'm nothing; now i know why, and so now i can stop thinking that. all these months of hearing that i'm something; maybe now i can believe it. you just showed me how some people try to hold others back for their own selfish reasons..and despite all that trying they don't even appreciate the fact that those people are there in the first place. so they can keep sitting in their beds mumbling complaints, but now i know i don't have to listen. and they can stare me down as hard as they can, but thanks to you i have the strength to set my sights far above their heads.

july 19, 1999
the doctor says i have really healthy eyes, even though without glasses/contacts i honestly can't see the big E at the top of the eye chart (sometimes i can't even see the chart itself..)
but sometimes it is fun to be horrendously nearsighted, especially in the summer. that is when you can sit under a tree and look up and see little shimmery green emeralds, while everyone else just sees plain old leaves and branches. and you can make any place into somewhere different just by taking off your glasses...

july 16, 1999
people like this don't come around very often, so i feel very honored and priveleged to meet them. they are among the rarest people in the world..you may only meet one or two in your whole life, but you will know when you are in their presence. it makes me happy how there are a few people whose thoughts and ideas fit so well with my own. it also makes me smile, that even though we are all so different at first glance, underneath that it's like we're made of the same material.

july 13, 1999
wow..i'm employee of the month. they put my name on a little plaque in the front of the pizza hut and everything. yay that is so neat! it's cool how they will give you awards just for liking to do your job..

july 10, 1999
i want to listen to moss icon. RIGHT NOW. yes i reeeally do. too bad i don't own any of their records..my money is always left "in the pants i wore yesterday" when i get to the store to buy things.
this morning i woke up from a terrible dream..one that said i am hurting you. what is a worse thought for a person who only wants to put a smile on someone's face? but it was only a dream..because i could hear the joy in your voice tonight. it was just another story, just like that dream i had when i was six years old--i was a little gray mouse with a pink dress and matching umbrella. and i rode into town in a little brown carriage with a brown mouse in a top hat. strangely though, my childhood dream describes us so much better than the one last night. i didn't know you, but i saw you?

july 9, 1999
all the cars stopped today. lives stopped today...i didn't know who those lives belonged to but i cried for them anyway. and i hoped they would all be taken care of by someone, somewhere.

july 5, 1999
i feel so disorganized. there's so much i want to do but there's not quite enough time for all of it to be done. and so everything gets left out in the open, where i trip on it and fall flat on my face. then i say, i sure do need to clean up around here, but wait..there's not enough time for that either.
and all these years i thought summer was a time to lay back and relax. looks like i need to make it that way again..somehow.

july 2, 1999
this began with a painted sky..colors above seemed to suck out the heat from this steaming city, until what was left was fit for a song. our voices rang together though none of us had ever met, singing to people on the street and in their cars (even though no one heard). i would sing songs to everything i see, if i only had the breath.