Cool Quotes

• I may be right not all of the time, but I'm never wrong.
  - Old Irish Saying

• Others may be as good, but none better.
  - Richbrau Brewing Co. slogan

• Let us hope that right makes might
  - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

• If we cannot be free, at least we can be cheap!
  - Frank Zappa

• I'm restin' my bones from the loneliness, of being the only genius around.
  - Les Claypool "Restin' Bones"

• Suppose the taxman, he comes to town,
  and you don't lay your money down,
  yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown,
  the other day.
  Well I wonder, which one goes to hell?
  - Les Claypool "To Defy the Laws of Tradition"

• They call me Mr. Knowitall
  I will not compromise.
  I will not be told what to do.
  I shall not step aside.
  They call me Mr. Knowitall
  I have no time to waste.
  My mouth it spews pure intellect.
  And I've such elegant taste.

  They call me Mr. Knowitall.
  I sip the aged wine.
  Oh I could tell such wondrous tales
  if I should find the time.
  I must be Mr. Knowitall
  For ideas they come in bounds.
  I am Mr. Knowitall
  So spread the word around.

  They call me Mr. Knowitall
  I am so eloquent.
  Perfection is my middle name
  And whatever rhymes with eloquent.
  - Les Claypool, "Mr. Know-it-all"

• When I grow up I want to be
  one of the harvesters of the sea
  I think before my days are done
  I want to be a fisherman
  I'll live and die a fisherman
  - Les Claypool, "John the Fisherman"

• You can choose a ready guide
  In some celestial voice
  If you choose not to decide
  You still have made a choice
  You can choose from phantom fears
  And kindness that can kill
  I will choose a path that's clear
  I will choose free will
  - Geddy Lee, "Free Will"

• Get back!
  When you got it makes you want some more
  Don't want to share a single bit
  Come back
  When you ain't got makes you want it more
  And it's already running out
  - David Hidalgo, "Mustard"

• Don't matter who you are, this side or that side of the fence
  Or you got a pile of money or you can barely pay the rent
  When you die they take you and they put you in the ground
  No matter who or what you are - you end up looking brown
  - David Hidalgo, "Dose"

• I want the whole world and my old girl back
  change that
  I want half the world and fuck my old girl
  - Sadat X

• I admit I've done some dumb shit
  And I'll probably do some mo'
  You shouldn't hold that against me though
  - Cee-Lo "Git up, Git out"

• Sin all depends on what you believin in
  Faith is what you make it, that's the hardest shit since MC Ren
  - Andre 3000 "Aquemini"

• Even a twelve step program couldn't keep me clean.
  - Kid Rock "I am the Bull God"

• Regrets are for soddering old frenchmen.
  - Andy Partridge(of XTC)

• All of Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche (the Walter Kaufmann translation is best)

• Not the intensity but the duration of high feelings makes high men.
  - Friedrich Nietzche Beyond Good and Evil

• The greatest tragedy ever to befall the west has been christianity.
  - Gore Vidal

• All of The Havamal

• Life is like a box of chocolates.
  It's a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.
  Unreturnable because all you ever get back is another box of chocolates.
  So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you down because there's nothing else left to eat.
  Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup,
  or an English toffee,
  but their gone too fast,
  and the taste is fleeting.
  So you end up with nothing but broken bits
  filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts.
  If you're desperate enough to eat those,
  all you've got left is an empty box,
  filled with useless brown paper.
  - Cancer Man

• Today is a new day. You will get out of it just what you put into it. If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, there is always another chance for you. And supposing you have tried and failed again and again, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.
  - Mary Pickford

• Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promisary note, but today is cash in hand.

• When you reach into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.
  - Gen. George S. "Blood and Guts" Patton

• Eternal vigilance is the cost of freedom.
  - Thomas Jefferson

• You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
  - Sacha Guitry

• I have seen the man of the future; he is cruel; I am frightened by him.
  - Adolf Hitler to Hermann Rauschning

• To all doubts and questions, the new man of the first German Empire has only one answer: Nevertheless, I will.
  - Alfred Rosenberg, The Myth of the Twentieth Century

• Those who hate you don't win, unless you hate them. Then you destroy yourself.
  - Richard Nixon

• Here lies Joseph II who was unfortunate in everything that he undertook.
  - The self-written epitaph on the tombstone of Emperor Joseph II of Austria

• Beware of Greeks bearing gifts

• Don't dream it, be it.
  - The Rocky Horror Picture Show (by Richard O'Brian)

• A man dressed like a woman is funny, but a woman dressed like a man just looks like a dyke.
  - Al Franken

• That's right, hide behind jive talk. Well I've got news for you Tony, people bug me, too.
  - Detective Sergeant Donovan in I Was a Teenage Werewolf

• Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
  - Dean Wurmer in Animal House

• Every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on what is good and beautiful. If we just take the time to look at it.
  - Co-Pilot McCowen in Phantom Planet

• Oh God, I wish I had my pretty mind back.
  - Joan in The Girl in the Golden Boots

• Why do we always hurt the ones we love? Why, Banjo, why? Banjo! BANJO! BANJO!!
  - Space Ghost

• Abba Zabba, you my only friend.
  - Thurgood Jenkins in Half Baked

• I'm a loner, Dottie, a rebel. There are things about me that you wouldn't understand, things you couldn't understand, things you shouldn't understand
  - Pee Wee Herman in Pee Wee's Big Adventure

• Marijuana is the flame, herion is the fuse, and LSD is the bomb.
  - Sgt. Friday on Dragnet

• Rattlesnakes, they're nature's quitters
  - Homer Simpson

• Are your nightmares ever worse than your real life?
  - Jimmy Kimmel

• Don't regret the rules I broke
  When I die, bury me in smoke.
  - Philip Anselmo "Bury Me in Smoke"

• The member of Abu'l-Haylukh remained
  In erection for 30 days, sustained
  By smoking hashish
  Abu'l-Haylukh deflowered in one night
  Eighty virgins in a rigid rite
  After smoking hashish
  - Some Arabic Poem

• I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.
  - Abraham Lincoln

• Two things they talk about in the bible: wine and shit that's hard to believe.
  - Dwayne Kennedy

• Why not?
  - Timothy Leary's last words

• It's toasted!
  - Lucky Strikes slogan

• I've seen slavery and I've seen Jimi Hendrix perform, that about covers it.
  - Nora Rose Moore, Jimi Hendrix's 100 year old grandmother, talking about how she's seen everything

• When the bodies are hot, who needs plot?
  - 16th Century Zen koan (according to Joe Bob Briggs)

• God must really be a shitwipe for only coming up with Ten Commandments. Perhaps he had a headache that day, or maybe he made someone else do his homework. Shit, I'd have hundreds of Commandments! God is a pussy.
  - Bob C. Cock

• One time on our last tour, I said to myself, "Man, I'm going off," and god knows I was; I was way off. I was so off I was on, and I thought, "Right on." Actually, could you rephrase the question?
  - Mike Gordon

• If you don't like what you hear on your radio, you have a choice to turn it off. If you don't see what you want to see on you TV screen, you have a choice, you can turn it off. But if you have a desire for life, and I know you have that desire, you have a choice, baby, you can turn it on.
  - Dave Wyndorf

• Women like it when the guy they want to fuck also happens to be funny. It's never that the guy they find funny is the guy they want to fuck.
  - Chris Rock

• I have nothing against being nice. Political correctness didn't invent nice. Political correctness is a mean-spirited Commie plot, if you ask me.
  - John Kricfalusi

• If you crap your pants, does it really matter which leg it slides down?
  - Bill Frank (truly, a font of drunken wisdom if there ever was one)

• Stoners know stoners, and that's about it
  - Val on the sad state of pothead social lives

• You can't eat college credits.
  - Andy Schwaiger

• If it's free, I'll take three, if I don't take them all.
  - Andy Schwaiger

• I've got a cock like a bud can and I'll fuck your entire family in the ass!
  - Andy Schwaiger

• There's nothing more beautiful than nerds in love.
  - Bill Williamson

• Three hits of acid: $15; An ounce of dope: $100; The look on your friends face when he loses his shit: priceless.
  - Bill Williamson

• Dangerous, so dangerous, the fourth floor Thomas is dangerous. Dangerous, we're so dangerous, my whole entire hall is dangerous.
  - Ryan Smith as we were coming home from the Busta Rhymes concert.

• If you're not having fun on the sliding board, fuck it, get on the swingset.
  - My man Fred at the Silver Dragon

• My socks may be dirty, but my butthole is clean.
  - Lawaia Pa'ahana Aweau

• Hell Yeah
  - Chris Carter kickin' it with the perfect timing

• Why do I always get the crazy ones?
  - Chris Carter

• Not a hog, Clifford the Big Red Dog!!
  - Eric Miller (on drugs)

• wow man, dex is good with schwag, it's like fuckin dextroliscious mmmmm
  - This dude sebastian from the DXM Message Board at The Third Plateau

• You just called your girlfriend an alcoholic, drug-addicted slut!
  - Gretchen Frick

• 95 percent of all women are whores.
  - Gretchen Frick

• She's a pretty girl, but she walks like she has VD.
  - my black mom, Catherine Hayes

• George Washington wasn't worth a shit and he doesn't deserve to be on the quarter and the one dollar bill.
  - Willis Crockett>p?
• I am so excited...although I probably won't remember any of it do to the alcoholic haze I will most likely be in.
  - My cousin Gwen O'Herron on her trip to Mexico and Key West. Can you believe she's a relative?

• You don't have to fall in love with every girl you meet
  - My dad, Mike O'Herron, to his Vietnam buddy John Savage over 25 years ago

• You don't have to fall in love with every girl you meet
  - John Savage to my dad after he met my step-mom

• You know, Matt, I'm not Mr. Cool like everyone thinks I am.
  - Blake "Mr. Cool" Bray (surprisingly, not on any significant amount of drugs, which is what you'd figure when you hear this statement)

• All the really sweet ones seem to be co-dependent.
  - Me, Matt O'Herron

• Well, you know those Altoids are curiously strong peppermints.
  - Me, Matt O'Herron (talking about acid, yo, fucking perverts)

• Awesome! Another human being! This is so cool!
  - Me, Matt O'Herron (on drugs)

• Dammit! I'm tired of having to teach bitches how to do this.
  - Me, Matt O'Herron (I'm talking about backrubs. Damn, you have a filthy mind)

• Oooo, Matt, this feels better than a nut
  - Shaunna, talking about my backrubs

• Everytime I get fucked up, I go home, look at porn. It's good stuff.
  - Cliff Evans (on drugs)

• Well, when I get bored, I just masturbate.
  - Kelley Page

• I think I just jizzed myself.
  - Chris Henley (on drugs)

• well, i guess all i can say is that college is what you make of it. no matter how much shit you smoke or drink, it will always stay the same... so... uh... forget the first sentance. I guess that you just need to stop spending all your time looking up porn (yes, i know i'm a hypocrit) and just do what you feel like. wait... that is what you are doing... uhhh... dammit!! i have no good advice for you. you are doing the same damn thing i did. keep up the good work. just don't sell your books to buy weed or other abusive substances.
  - Chris Henley