From the Hands of Rome
By Absinthe
For Disclaimers seePart 1
Part 5:
Gabrielle preferred the calm waters of the Nile far more than the choppy Mediterranean. She was busy transcribing a story onto a papyrus for the Library, and the smooth rocking of the barque did not bother her stomach in the slightest. She paused in her work to straighten her hair and squint out from under the canopy at the bright, white hot sun. She stared off at the layered, sand-blown cliffs rising just beyond the lush banks of the river.
Xena looked up from the game of sennet she was playing with the Queen at that moment and caught a glimpse of the breathtaking sight of her beloved bard silhouetted against the harsh background of the distant desert.
"Your move, Xena," Cleopatra prodded, pulling her focus back to the game at hand.
"Mhmm," the warrior smiled faintly and looked contemplatively at the table.
"Do you ever wonder," the Queen began hesitantly, "If from the very beginning, you were doing exactly the worst things you possibly could have done?"
"All the time. Why? Somethin' bothering you?"
"I have to confess, that sometimes I wonder if I am bringing bad luck on my country," the Queen of the richest country in the world laughed, "Every year since I've been Queen, and actually in Egypt that is, the Nile has failed to rise fully."
"So . . ." Xena replied cautiously.
"So perhaps the gods are displeased with me."
"I've never put much stock in the gods. I've met a few of them, and they're not all they're cracked up to be -- yourself excepted of course," Xena qualified quickly when she remembered that Cleopatra was supposedly the living incarnation of Isis.
Laughing fully, the Queen replied;
"Truthfully, I don't either, but the people of Alexandria are not always so reasonable. I try to see things as they will, and I'm afraid that the picture is not exactly rosy."
"The river's not under your control . . . I'm sure the know that."
"For all their science, Alexandrians can be decidedly superstitious," Cleopatra paused to nod in silent admiration of Xena's move on the game board, "It's wearying sometimes, trying to live up to their expectations. Not that I would ever give it up," she added with an ironic smile.
"I think I know what you mean," Xena eyed the board, deciding quickly that this time she'd let the Queen win.
Belowdeck, in the most luxurious shipboard accommodations Xena had ever encountered, Xena and Gabrielle lay entwined, their bodies covered in a light sheen of sweat from their lovemaking.
"Xena?"
"Yeah," the warrior whispered back, unwilling to break the spell created by the pleasant buzz they were both enjoying, and the creaking of the ship combined with the heady aroma of patchouli and the clean, slightly salty scent of the Nile himself.
"Do you think we'll ever settle down?"
"Maybe someday, I don't know. Maybe we could start that hospice somewhere."
"When we're too old for the road?" Gabrielle chuckled a little, and Xena felt the vibrations rumble through her stomach, "I remember when you told me that people in our line of work don't live that long. I think you're getting optimistic on me."
"You're contagious." Xena returned, but somewhere from the back of her mind, she heard the words Hospice? What profit is there in that? You'd just be enslaving yourself to the needs of the useless and the old. You're so pussy-whipped it makes me sick.
The warrior sighed and brushed the stray hair out of her face irritatedly.
"What's the matter?" Gabrielle asked at the sudden stiffening of the body that cushioned her own.
"Nuthin'," Xena replied in a semblance of affability.
Gabrielle didn't ask again, though she could sense that nothing was far from what was wrong.
When the bard at last drifted off to sleep, Xena extricated herself and pulled on a cotton shift. She padded up to the deck and leaned heavily on the railing to peer at the lights along the darkened shore. She couldn't imagine ever being able to settle down. She felt that she would never learn to be still, no matter how many lifetimes she might be given to try.
And why should you? You're a warrior. You're Ares' Chosen one. You could conquer the world, all you need is a little help to get started. that dark voice was back, the voice of the Destroyer of Nations, tinged a little with her sister, Death, The Kandake can give you what you need to fight Caesar.
Xena shook her head silently. She remembered all too vividly the last time she'd let her desire for retribution against the roman get the better of her judgement and her conscience. Gabrielle had been the one to suffer the brunt of it emotionally, and things had snowballed. Xena slammed her forehead against the gilded railing. The memories of Solan and Hope served to repress the voices, but only for a few minutes.
Go. they said, With a woman like the Kandake at your back, and all of Africa to support you, you would be indefeatible. You could take Gabrielle with you if you have to, but she'd be safer if she stayed here. You could take one of the little sail-boats to shore, and head south again. It wouldn't take long. You can taste his blood, you can smell the smoke as Rome burns, you can feel it can't you?
"Shut up," Xena muttered, her white teeth clenched until the muscles in her jaw stood out cruelly.
It would be so easy. It's your destiny. You would have nothing to fear from anyone, not even the Vision.
"Hasn't it cost ENOUGH?" Xena bit back the words that she knew would emerge as a howl and bring the guards running to her. Gabrielle's hand on her back startled her, and if she hadn't recognized the touch in time, she surely would have killed her lover.
"Gods, Gabrielle!" She blurted.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," the bard sidled up to her, twining a muscular arm around the bigger woman's waist and leaning her head familiarly against Xena. The mask of control and calm that she usually wore fell habitually back into place, and the warrior struggled to rein in her thoughts.
"You want to join the Kandake don't you?" Gabrielle said softly.
"What?" The mask slipped for an instant.
"It's what you've been thinking since Cleopatra mentioned it isn't it?" The bard went on, "We're doing the right thing by going home. Cleopatra's doing the right thing too. No one needs more war with Rome, they've been unbeatable this far, and I don't see that more deaths are going to change things."
"Of course they won't." Xena replied, putting all the strength behind the words that she could muster at the moment. And the voices fell silent in the face of Gabrielle's simple and implacable drive for peace. The bard's light made her own inner candle seem dim and flickering, but it bolstered Xena's strength and her determination to keep the others bubbling under.
What she wouldn't give to silence the voices in her head.
Part 6
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Email: absinthe@earthling.net