The following list caught my attention because my son's wife to be grew up in the jungles of Panama where her parents were missionaries for years. What a wonderful sacrifice for the Lord this family made and, although I don't know their other children, the child I do know could not have grown up to be a better example of intelligence and kindness. I hope she enjoys the smiles I got from the following as well.
1. You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?".
2. You speak two languages, but can't spell either.
3. You embarrass yourself by asking what swear words mean.
4. You read National Geographic and recognize someone.
5. You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
6. You would rather eat seaweed than cafeteria food.
7. You consider a city 500 km away to be "very close".
8. You watch nature documentaries, and think about how good that animal would taste if it were fried.
9. You can cut grass with a machete, but can't start a lawnmower.
10. You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
11. You read the international section before the comics.
12. Strangers say they can remember you when you were "this tall".
13. You have friends from or in 29 different countries.
14. You do your devotions in another language.
15. You sort your friends by continent.
16. You realize that furlough is not a vacation.
17. You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
18. You like everything from Reggae to Japanese rap.
19. You know how to pack.
20. Fitting 15 or more people into a car seems normal to you.
21. You prefer to gravel roads as highways.
22. You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
23. You don't think that two hours is a long sermon.
24. You think nothing of straddling white lines to pass between trucks or buses travelling side by side, because "There was plenty of room, officer. Honest! At least 15 centimeters clearance!"
25. You go to the local Korean restaurant just to listen to the conversation.
26. You have to have five hot sauces on a Big Mac.
27. You marvel at the cleanliness of gas station bathrooms.
28. Your last memories of your parents' families are 20 years old.
29. You think you've died and gone to heaven when you go into a foreign grocery store.
30. You have a name in at least two different languages, and it's not the same one.
31. You miss the sub-titles when you see the latest .
32. You feel you need to move after you've lived in the same place for a month.
33. Your idea of a good night is a Japanese cartoon and some seaweed and rice.
34. You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that support your "native" language's alphabet.
35. You think a "foreign school" conducts classes in English.
A young lad was vising a church for the
first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he
came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are
all those men in the pictures?" The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who
died in the service." Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning
service or evening service?"
(by Lonnie Selstad, Tracy, CA as submitted to ECULAUGH)
Our softball team for the church just started practicing and I was asked to come out and play a little. I had to turn them down because for one, I've played on a church softball team before and two, if I ever did hit the ball and had to run for 1st base, my dear widow would never forgive the team. Actually, I couldn't find a good reason, so I just said "I can't" and took off for the exit. Wish I would have found the next list before the question was asked.
10. Doesn’t practice all week, but expects to start on game
day.
9. Gets upset when every ball that’s hit doesn’t come directly to him.
8. Never swings at a pitch because, “this pitcher doesn’t throw like the last
pitcher. The game’s just not the same since he left.”
7. Wants to run home before going to first base.
6. Chatters in order to keep his own teammates from hitting the ball.
5. Doesn’t come to the game unless the coach personally calls him on the phone,
each week, and invites him to show up.
4. Won’t run after the ball if it’s more than three feet away. After all, surely
somebody will get it sooner or later.
3. Thinks baseball cleats are for leaving neat designs on his teammates backs.
2. Gets upset because the phone line to the bull pen doesn’t have call waiting.
If it did, he could gripe about how bad the pitcher is doing, and yet never miss
out if someone wanted to talk about the catcher.
1. Thinks the game will last so long, that the concession stand will be closed
before it’s over.
Submitted by
Pastor Danny Thomas, Osawatomie, KS
The following church bulletin bloobers are sent in from various churches:
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's use
the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk will please come early.
* Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in
my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
* Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.
All ladies wishing to become "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his
study.
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an
egg on the altar.
* The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will
start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the
new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward
and do so.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be
seen in the church basement Saturday.
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