I need money... For all kinds of reasons... I'll tell you some of them.. And, then you should send it to me

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Reasons I need it

To buy clothes
To pay rent
To eat
The occasional female company when none of the chicks at the bar will talk to... okay.. that's probably good for reasons

Reasons You should Send It To Me

The kids
Hundreds and hundreds of illegitimate kids
You care about kids don't you?