hey....this better work...and tthis better be your real email.....yeah..so I got a new email   SistaTiffsta@hotmail.com    pretty nice huh?..... yeah I owe it all to ....someone.....write me sometime.....--Tiff--

you're such a dork.....Ryan Freeman huh? hahah..I was like..who the heck?.....then I thought you were my brother....it freaked me out...musclebeach huh?...that's pretty good...yeah...so I havent been workin a lot actually...thursday night..I wasnt' allowed...this story's pretty good.....and Friday night....you weren't around...and Saturday night...well that's when my disgruntledness began...I'll tell you that one too...alright...I'm out, see ya tonight...--Tiff--

Oh my word...I am so fat..no seriously....I just found this picture on the computer....taken Friday night..@ my moms graduation...haha..I look..no lie...like a fat hooker....it's great...it even looks like there is bruises on my arm and cheek...like an abused hooker..or something....@ least I look tan I guess...maybe I'll show you the pic....I probably will....Anyway....I was disgruntled Thursday night...Court was being a jerk...wouldnt let me get online..said I had to clean...you got to be kidding me.....I was so ticked...I got sick because of it actually...if I get really upset...I get sick to my stomach...I think I'm kinda screwed up..haha, but @ least I'm not in pain...if I get excited..hahah I'm sorry....ANyway...I couldn't sleep last night...in fact I got less than 3 hours of sleep...I looked @ old pictures...and read....what's wrong w/ me?...actualy it's a good book...which is amazing since the only reason I ever picked up the book to begin w/ was because the main characters name is Inman...ha...go figure...well I thought it was cool anyway...yeah so I'm a dork..but I'm cool...and I'm babblin on..and it's only 2 in the day...now I'm off to work...my boss was a real idiot about my situation...but what'dya gonna do...so my cars gettin fixed...WAHOO.  I hate cars, well I hate my car.  Listen, ya know how I need that guy...who'll be wealthy enough to buy me a computer...well he needs to buy me a car too...so if that guys you..Im just giving you a fair warning....I should warn you about other things too...but I'll spare you for now....ha..what am I talkin about...Anyway...how's work going...you didn't lose your gloves I hope?...I didn't know you worked w/ septic stuff...(septic stuff, that's a good one)..I thought you did the digging stuff ( even better one)...man this is kinda boring....you should be online...whenever I'm online...haha...so I might not be on tonight....if Courts in a good mood I will...but only the good Lord knows that...I should stop dissing her...she's probably got something on me..and I'm busted.....alright..I'm gonna get going....(YES!, she finally shuts up!)...and yes..I can talk...dang I can talk a lot.....oh...one last thing..2 last things...fuel sight is cool....hmmm...and...what rainsoundtrack?..I wanna hear it....I'll talk to ya later Wes, until then...may the guys in your life steer clear from your rear...LOL..oh man..that was a great one....--Tiff--

phone line out...does suck....I won't be on tonight...I have to stay @ my moms...so I can get to my job tomorrow...it turns out Im a huge burden to some people...my mechanic is Michaels in Torrington...and he's been fixing my car since it was a youngin...so...I've just stuck w/ him..Okay...so you work w/ septic...even though you supposedly do excavation....crazytalk, all of it....where did you come up w/ Ryan freeman anyway?..you crack me up...alright..I gotta go get ready, I hope Jake and Neil keep you good company tonight--Tiff--

hello loser...just emailing you back...I'm just kidding....yeah..you crack me up...my sister printed out that pic you sent to them...and they think they're on to something...hahaha....they have no idea...it's great...but anyway..I have some crazy stories for ya...about NY...I'll tell ya @ church tonight I think..I'm stayin @ my moms again....so I won't be online tonight...hopefully my car will be done by tomorrow...so where did you get kissing underwater?...and who's Ms X....oh man...alright..I gotta run...by the way..I've always wanted to try a Mikes...but I stick w/ the wine coolers...alright..I'm out..later boy, --Tiff--

hey....you hung up on me again last night...haha...stinkin phone...I ran out of money...and then I put more on...I was semi hoping  you wouldn't call back..ONLY because you do know that my cell is long distance...(I hope you know that anyway...and I hope you're not dead...but if you have to pay it...I'll split it...after all....it's half my fault too=)...so then I got ready for bed...and saw that I had missed your call...I wasn't trying to ignore you....well the real truth is that I, in the 5 minute span..met another new guy, and I plan on marrying him...and breaking your heart, along w/ all the other guys, you know their names......I'm so kidding....I guess I shouldn't really kid about that...but it does really bug me that my sisters conspired together against me...oh well...so I forgot to tell you that I asked DJ Drew to play a Fuel song for me...he went to his car, because he had their cd...it was hilarious...and great....so about shooting....(even though that's what we really talked about for about 2 hours last night...dang we talked long, but it was good...and I needed it)...my car should hopefully be done tonight...then I'll have it for good...I'll pick up Ben...just need to know..what time you want us to come up...I might be online tonight...not sure...might have to stay @ moms again....depends on Mi'Cah...haha alright..I'm out...I gotta get ready for the golf course...and no I didn't know you bought the Stargate DVD, do you think I'd like it?....I really have no idea what it's like...alright..I'm goin for real this time...Later Wes=)

haha..... a sneegee deal huh?....I like it....489-6842...what party?....I'm lost....I thought we were just shooting....and are you askin me to jog?...haha....I suppose I couldn't say no to you....I mean..I went joggin w/ Ben today...so, I have no excuse....I guess....I suppose we just email as we feel like it....but you were late....and you left me hanging...and I wanted to talk to you....as I still do....so what the deal yo?...remind me to tell you about my bulletin board....and Joe Hoover....and I'm curious as to what this Stargate stuff really does for ya.....I've been talkin to your sister...not as fun as talkin to you though...don't tell her that..haha...alright...so write me or call me...dang it....I'm tired of being the "bigger man"...even though you do have a thing for the men=)--Tiff--

HA! I knew your sister was up to no good...cause I'm like I'm leaving....and then she got offline...I waited for about 5 more minutes for you...but then Court had to get on...from now on I'll be like..oh I gotta go @ like 9:30...haha..I feel like jogging today...but it's pouring...which probably means...no shooting...dang it...I was looking forward to doing something too....I don't know much staind..or stained is it?...then again...I thought I didn't know fuel....but I did...and no...the song was Innocent I believe...he didn't have shimmmer...what I meant about Stargate....was that why is it so good?...I'm just intrigued...becuase I have no idea what to expect...and you seem to like it so much...and I value your opinion, so I'm thinkin it must be good..but I won't know until I see it...I guess...sorry about the guy thing...I'll stop joking about it...I like to make light of everyone's screw ups sometimes..and sometimes..all the time.....cause I'm just stupid like that..and no it's not a problem for me...that's not why I joke....so I guess I'll just wait for you to call me...I feel really weird right now....like very antsy...almost nervous...and I'm worried about this fall  --Tiff--

haha...you crack me up.....w/ all your nautical nonsense.....so the parents said okay huh?...I"m spent....seriously...I'm bracin myself for A LOT of awkwardness....dang...I should be a professional w/ all the awkward moments I've had...kinda confused about the whole deal...but It'll work out...haha...did I mention I don't have a bathing suit...well by the time you get this...you'll realize that....haha....you guys got it easy....just throw on a pair of shorts....I'd do that...but somehow..I dont' think that'd fly to well=)....okay...I really wouldn't do that....I went to Red Lobster w/ Em tonight...I've never been there....shrimp scampi...it was so stinkin good...I forgot it was fathers day....until I went shoppin w/ Em...for the many men in her life..haha....wait...that means...I have none in mine......wait..don't take that the wrong way....just shut up Tiff=)...did I tell you I got proposed to today...twice....?...and I turned them down.......there's hope for me yet...well...I must get some sleep...and prepare myself..for the adventure's awaiting me tomorrow!....Tiff-half cherokee and choctaw woman of the cradle robbing tribe

hey...once again.....you owe me...but I suppose I can write ya....okay..my work hours are like this
Mon. 7:30-12:30 @ Y then...4 to 8:30..@ golf course
Tues- same
Wed- Just Y daycare
Thurs-same as Mon and Tues
Friday-same as Wed.
Sat-depends (see me=)
Sun-same as Sat
okay..I gotta go...I dont feel good @ all.....speakin of..how's your leg?....I almost dont believe Liz...hope everythings alright..I'll talk to ya later --Tiff--

haha...why would I kick your butt if you broke your leg for the missions trip?.....do I know where you were going w/ that one?....hmmm.....if you don't mind..please don't call Courts house.....that's the last thing I need to hear right now....she doesnt' really like my friends callin me here period...anybody...it's junk...and then she gives me time limits on top of that...I feel better today....it was weird though....I am working way too much this week...I'm @ the course tonight...and I so don't want to be...I gotta go to work..I'll talk to ya later=) --Tiff--

Hey...well I read it...and as much as it was late...and what not...I think I deserved some of that...and you did put some things into a better perspective for me...so thank you...and I'm sorry I can be such a idiot sometimes....I am.  And I do care about you, I do...we may not be in the same mutual caring mode..or whatever you call it....I mean..I am not ready for a relationship...w/ anyone right now...but I do care...and I'm sorry I can be so selfish sometimes......I wonder how you're doing over there....barely able to move...that's terrible...I'm sorry about your leg...I hope it gets better fast...so that you can be your woodsy outdoory self again=)..and we can go shootin and stuff...so I gotta go to work now..I'm @ the library...I'll probably check my email again tomorrow...if not..maybe I'll talk to ya tomorrow night..have a good night Wes=) --Tiff--

hey boy....listen..I have a question..er..."hypothetical" of course....no big deal..Im emailin ya..cause I'll probably forget later..but I'd like your opinion....er.."what you would do"... Anyway...I'll ask ya later--Tiff--

okay. it's all set...I talked to Chief this afternoon...and he said that it's totally fine w/ all of us comin up tomorrow...and we could stay over for the night also...don't worry...we're totally not imposing.. I told him we'd help out..and he's all for that..haha..believe me..email me back...if I dont hear from you..I'll give you a call later...but I have placement tests tonight @ Northwestern...so...I'll see...hope you can still go...talk to ya later--Tiff--

Hey...I feel like writing you...well I feel like talking to you but that's not happening...so..how's work going?....you are back now right?...I'm online..checkin out music..cause I need some more..which reminds me..I can't believe how much I like this german stuff...I want the translation though...so I have an idea of what they're sayin...anyway...I tried to convince Liz to let you get online last night...it didn't work... I don't know when I'll be on again...most likely not tonight..unless I can do some major suckupage...in the words of Bob..haah..Anyway...it's kind of dumb talkin to you through email...so I'll talk to you later...soon I hope...later G....--Tiff--

have this wonderfulish story for you....and if you could just take a stargate break...we could talk...right now Courts sick...which is unfortunate..but she's @ my mom...and I got the comp all to myself...which is fortunate...so...hopefully you'll come on here soon...I'm trying to send you brain waves...flag you down....hmmm I don't think its working....could be the distance..you are 3 hours away...anyway..I'll wait...--Tiff--

>From: "Ryan Freeman" >To: SistaTiffsta@hotmail.com >Subject: IF >Date: Fri, 15 Aug 2003 20:49:27 -0400 > >IF by any chance you check your email and dont go on im, I am in New >Hampshire where my aunt and uncle have multipule computers, all on >dsl or cable dont know which. My cousins are coming up, so I'll get >to see Zack before he goes off to the navy, def gonna ask him some >questions. This place is so nice up here. Mabye I'll spend a few >years up here someday. Well I had a Mike's, I'd save on for ya, but >that would be providing alchohol for a .........wait a sec. Gonna >have to figure out who'd go to jail for that one. So if you do check >and I'm not on, I'm probly talking with my family(there's only like >a million of them). > > >Wes >

Hey=)...on my way to work...sneakin on comp right now..but I wanted to tell you that I'd love to go shooting...but it's all up to you..I don't care whether Ben goes or not...and...do tell me that line you missed later..okay?...eh....email me back..if you can....should I call you...or you call me...?..I'll check my email when I get home from work...dang..I really gotta talk to you..--Tiff--

>From: "Ryan Freeman" >To: SistaTiffsta@hotmail.com >Subject: Tommorow >Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 16:58:30 -0400 > >Long time no talk eh? I went by the Y a few times yesterday, while >you were there. How about tommorow? Do you want to go shooting, >without Ben? I swear he's gonna kill someone. I'd write a long >letter to you, but it's not even 5 yet so............... And hey, a >specific line you said last night finaly sunk into my thick skull. >Wow. Can't belive I missed that one. Well, Email back soon and I'll >see about the arrangements. > >Wes >

Hey....so dang about the shooting...but it's all good...but when we do go...I need a challenge....like...ya know..something different...and harder...haha..nevermind...anyway...about Sunday...I do have to work..but I think it's like 8 to 1...so maybe after...it's up to you...and what would we do?...I still have this story to tell you...and you still have something to tell me....oh...and about online...I don't know when I'll be on...someone's a little ticked @ me right now...I'm @ Em's house right now....I might casually stop by the campfire...haha...anyway..I'll talk to ya later--Tiff--

>From: "Ryan Freeman" >To: sistatiffsta@hotmail.com >Subject: Re: Today >Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 09:46:11 -0400 > > >Well we cannot go shooting today, I was unaware of a work night at >the Church. We still have the campfire, although it seems we are >never at the fire. Call? I think it's safer for everyone if you call >here. I'm outta work today so you can call if you want. Dang, I had >everything ready too, we were gonna take out the baby shotgun. But >I've still got a "credit", so we could try something on Sunday, if >you arent working. If we do something on Sunday it cant be shooting, >and I hate to make you do the same thing every time. It's your call, >doesnt make a difference to me. I'll be checking the email again >sometime, so you dont need to call. However if you >want to call I'll be here somewhere. > >Wes

Hey my head banger=) how are ya?...I hate being able to get online...but not on aol...Court gave me a few mins....so that was nice....work is crazy this week...I'm workin all day tomorrow, Wed and Thurs. and I did today...and my weekend is already planned w/ stuff...it's nuts..I'm emailing you...because I feel like talking to you...there will be a day when I won't have to do this...but I'll deal for now...I'm so weird...I found myself talking to myself tonight @ work...haha..like out loud and all...are you sure you think you wanna be w/ me?...seriously...I am weird....haha...but most people don't know that...I've got them fooled..haha...hmmm there was a point to this email....a reason I distinctively got on here to write to you...something going thru my head throughout the day...or maybe it was just you.  Talk to ya later...have a good week=) --Tiff--

Hey=)..speakin of the jelly in the in between layers...that's what I feel like every time I get an email from you....yeah that was dorky...but I'm serious..haha...yes..we are both crazy...I sware we went like 8 miles in the wrong direction....it's funny how you can remember where we went..and track it on the map...yet @ the time...you had no clue where we were..okay..maybe it's not so funny....but it was fun...why do you feel guilty about Awana? So...work is crazy these days...another long stinkin shift tomorrow..but I think of you...every time I see a Mike's..haha....dang..I had all these things to say to you...but now that I'm here...and you're not....it's gone...plus...I'm being a little rushed..if you know what I mean.  How's work...and why did you go by the Y..last week?..not that you're not allowed to..haah..anyway...I got this new kid in my class @ daycare...doesn't speak a word of spanish...and get this...his name is Wander..haha...and that's all he does too...I sware..I had to chase after him like 10 times today..cause he tried to escape....but he should know better than try to escape from me...you would know it best=)..hmmm...not sure what I meant by that...but I wont use the "m" word....hope to talk to you soon...
the girl who ran
cause she had a better man
--Tiff--   haha..I tried

it's me again....but yeah...I think I might die when you tell me what you want to tell me....just cause I've been waitin is all....I have to say..your family knows what's goin on....kinda weird that they don't say anything...I love the 4 person convo idea...and I too think it's healthy..haah...actually I just do it...cause I just do it.  I did want to talk to you. I do want to talk to you...I have some thoughts on all this...not bad...just thoughts...might put you on the spot...well I gotta go for real this time...oh yeah...I loved the when seduced by a brotha...remember anotha...that was great...talk to ya later Wes....--Tiff--

funny...I struggled w/ something you touched on...see...you talk...as if you are serious...but I happen to know you're only 16...so I think..no way...he can't be...but I do think you are different...very different.....but a total good different....one I'm very fond of anyway....which reminds me...I heard this song today...it's totally a song for you...it's perfect really...in my mind anyway...BUT....I can't tell you....not now anyway..Ha....I've turned the tables...So..pastor knows about canoeing??..no way....hmmm..maybe your dad is talkin to him...yeah...that's it...he's all like.."pastor I'm worried about Charles....blah blah..Tiff...older..blah blah....your no-good son"..something like that...I sware...there's a conspiracy here...there's always a conspiracy...you don't owe pastor anything...but it is up to you.......about your random thought....it's not that I actually tried to throw them off...that wasn't my intentions @ all...I don't know..I had to go through stuff...to reach this point......so dreams about me huh?..and the log cabin?..did I tell you about a log cabin...funny...I had one of you last night....or was it the other night..or both?....dang..can't remember it now....I have a terrible memory I think..though I do remember most of the important details most of the time......my kids started callin me sista tiffsta today...thanks to my co-worker Marie...but it was nice...hmmm...I owe that to you......oh...I'm takin different classes now....kinda...I'll tell you more about that later though...always later....but it's all good...about what you have to tell me....the moment will come when the moment comes....well it's Thursday night...and I gotta get off for a few...but I might be back on.......you amuse me like no one else does.....hmmm... amuse is not the word....this is where I need you to come in w/ one of your big words...Anyway...you are certainly good @ making me wait....

I'm feelin the "connection",
you've won my election             haha...I love that one

--Tiff--

you can quit on the rhymes if you want..but I like them..I like that last one a lot...they always  make me smile...yours are better than mine...that was a stinkin long email..but I love those...anyway..court would not let me get on last night....i stayed up as late as I could...trying to manipulate her....(this time I liked manipulation)...but she would not budge....and..get this...she's moving the comp up to her room...deep down im ticked off...cause there's no reason for that...but im not gonna say anything...for losin another privilege....like the bathroom or something...I sware...if i started askin to use the bathroom more...it would become very limited to me...i just know it...dang i'm so different from her......about Aub and her stupid convo...i love my sister..but i can't stand her...she does not know me...and as much as what she said...may seem like what happened...it wasn't....cause in her opinion..i wouldn't have cared for you @ all..I was just gonna drop you....and thats a bunch of junk....cause I do care about you...I really like you...more than I like most people...I will admit..I screwed up back there....w/ that "list"...( which should not have been a list @ all)..but most things Aub hears...are through the grapevine...which totallly screws up the reality of situations anyway...it just really ticks me off...cause it makes me seem like this girl...who likes to fool around...play w/ peoples hearts...and even manipulate them...but Wes...I know I'm not that kind of girl...why would I do that to someone..when I had that done to me? ...and through all of this I've learned what I do want...I always say I don't know what I want....but I know now.  There's just a fact that I'm not ready for what I want...and also...I don't deserve what i want...right now anyway... But tell me this....how did it turn your whole world upside down? I feel like such an ars...I do...I dont know though...it seems like we both learned something from this....which reminds me...back in the day...you were so set on getting married...I remember having convos w/ you about it..like last fall...and now...what do you think?...see...that's it...I figured it out...it's not that I think I have manipulated you...but that you've manipulated yourself ( i was just afraid to say it).....what if...because you wanted something so bad...you just go for the closest thing @ that time?...that scares me...cause I don't want someone telling me they care about me...when down the road...they realize ...it was something else...you told me you were past emotions...I guess I can't believe it because it seems like we haven't been through anything to prove it...or have we?...what's your opinion on that...correction...we have been through something...because I have come to a lot of realizations..but it's like...I feel like we have to go through more....well duh Tiff...I think I'm rambling on...
....let me just clarify some of this rambling...it's like this...back in the day..when I ended everything...I did it because I had to....I had to test myself. and make sure I wasnt just lonely...and going for the closest thing @ that time....because if I didn't do that...I would have taken the chance of being what Aub said I was....and I knew I wasn't...so as much as I thought I wanted something @ that time...I had to end it....so I did...but ...it never really ended for me...even though I tried to...( this is what you thought was my idea of throwing everyone off)...and now..months down the road..I know I would really like something more w/ you..and what I felt back then..and thought back then...is right...but @ the same time...I know the timing isn't right (I've been saying that since the beginning)...I like the way things are now....I don't know if that cleared up anything...but I just had to let you know all that.....I hope I haven't lost you....or turned your world upsider downer any morer...I think we are both complicated people...however you understand me more than anyone..I can just see you now...analyzing every word I've said...reading it over and over again.....I will see you tonight though and that just ends my email in such a good way...=)
I thought of this great rhyme
but I decided it wasn't the time
--Tiff--        dang it's a really good one....but I'm cautious as always...

think you are the greatest thing since cucumbers and ranch dip.....way way way better.......so...here I am @ Em's house....I says to her I says "would you mind steppin out of the room while I email this person on an issue they might not what you to take part in" haha....it's true...kinda...right?.....well she has no clue anyway....haha kickin her out of her own house....well....that email was stinkin long.....I am so proud...I'm goin to hit some issues...very quickly....first off...the computer deal...w/ me borrowing and all...I'd love to hear how you think I can pull that one off....this is goin to be good...it's goin to take a lot of convincing...but you are dang good @ that...so we'll see....about the convo w/ Aub...things are cleared for me...and I believe...if I understood you...they're clear for you too....about Ben....he may know something you don't know..haha...I'm so evil..it's wonderful....about Julie...I don't know what she should know...please don't tell her anything yet...I just....I don't know..maybe I need to talk to her..and say something like , "look...I don't like the way you act towards me now"....and why does she need to know anyway?...she doesn't in my opinion..but I will have to talk to you more about that later.....man..I wanna talk to you sooooo bad over IM...maybe tonight?....probably not..but If I'm on....it's cause God is being soooo good to me...wait....He's always good to me......I'm nervous about school...why?..i have no clue...and oh..today..I went and looked @ used cars...up in Watertown...I test drove 2....it was so much fun....I loved it....I'm really trying to get another car..before snow hits....Anyway...hope your laborish day is going well...looking forward to Friday...good times..good times... Oh...and I think we are above reproach...way above...and ..my friend Marie likes you...says she got "good vibes from you"...and that "you so don't look 16"..hmmm..I like that more everytime I hear that....just can't accept that I'm a member of the the cradle robbers of america.....heck I should be proud...dang it..I am...have I ever told you I really like your eyes?..no I don't think I have...but well..there you go...I said it...I do..I really like them...I think it's the way you look @ me though....makes me go like this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  haha...yep..just like that...well I'm out...later boy=)

Am I making such a mess,

when it comes to loving Wes?

.....that was the rhyme....and Ben's a smart guy

>From: "Ryan Freeman" >To: sistatiffsta@hotmail.com >Subject: You put up with so much..... then there's me >Date: Mon, 01 Sep 2003 00:03:51 -0400 > >Ahhh yes, when you're trying not to say something, dont think about >it so much that you say it cuz you're thinking it. O well, I'll do >it for real next time. Promise. I really got pissed at myself for >saying it that way. I'd like to think it was the helium i sucked in, >or the soda before bed, but I think we both know why I slept four >hours. It's funny, I didnt fall asleep during the sermon, and I had >the least sleep in weeks. Go figure. I love replying. I get to read >over your email and address everything you bring up, just like on >IM. Speaking of such, I think I've got an ace in the hole over here. >A brainstorm if you will. If I play it right, my Dell will be extra. >Don't try and figure it out, it gets complicated. But mabye then you >could "borrow" it a semester at a time. It's an all win deal. I get >to talk to you, you get to talk to me, we make up your own privilge. >I could tell my parents you're "renting" it or something. I'd >consider it payment for Chili's and Uno's Pizza. And Don't you think >like it's a big deal, I'll explain how it works out so perfectly >sometime if you really want to know. Alright, now to dive into your >email, chew it up, and spit out explinations and whatnot. On the >subject of me manipulating myself. Haven't I expressed to you my own >concern about wether I was? That was one of the things that was >really tested over the whole summer. I'd like to just up and dismiss >it, but it's a possiblity, or atleast it was. As time goes on I'm >more and more confident that isn't the case. Just like it seemed to >me your sister was right and I had to take your word for it, you >have to take my word, but time will prove the validity of both. On >that subject, I don't know if I've straightned it out, or enough. I >have no issue with the whole list and your sister and the whole >deal. This is what it's like in my mind. > >MyNaMeSnOtAuDrEy: Blah Blah Blah BLah Blah >MyNaMeSnOtAuDrEy: Blah Blah! >MyNaMeSnOtAuDrEy: Blah Blah Tiffany Blah Blah Blah. >The Chazums: Did you say something? > >Continuing on, the whole deal DID basicly kill the happy wappy silly >willy feelings, another reason I know I'm not basing my descions on >emotion. Sticking with you was the LAST thing i FELT like doing. But >I don't abandon "the one". This isn't going to be romantical at all, >but during the missionstrip, my emotions told me to go find solace >in you-know-who. Needless to say I did not. (No I'm not talking >about a guy you weirdo) So that was the biggest test for me on my >motives. As a side note, right now here's where I'm standing. I need >to be here for you when you need me, and to help you stay up on your >feet. Your well-being is a top priority for me now. Mabye not your >immediate well-being, mabye your later on well-being, but the focus >is the same. As always, I insist that you tell me to back off if I >am overbearing, or commited beyond what you will allow. I really >don't pick up on that stuff easy, specialy over email. Now about you >not deserving what you want right now. When will I be without sin? >When will I be deserving. When would anyone be deserving? We are to >wretched sinners, just like everyone else, there's no magical state >where we receive blessing. Another thing that has been made clear to >me, is that attitude and intentions are more important than current >state. In other words, it's not wether I mess up once in a while, >God will not condem me for it, I'm still just as justified in his >eyes. So it looks to me like you're trying to put the blame on "why >this isn't working right/better/perfectly" on something you did or >are doing. And you can't do that. Now on to the timing not being >right. I agree, the timing for a great deal is not here yet. But >there is plenty that's timing can be now. I don't need passion to >commit to you, I really do enjoy what we have now, and it will grow >at it's own pace. I just don't want you to miss out because I'm >younger. Don't think you need to accomidate for my level. You can >help to bring me up to your level. Don't forget that there have been >rimes when just the right words have helped me in a certain >situation, or made my day. I looked back on old emails, found some >old cds(about 3 1/2 years old) , and I havent matured as fast or as >much as in the past year. Specificly in the past months. You may >feel bad about ending it, or turning my world upsidedown, but in >reality, you prepared me more to be the man you need. I do think >that ending it again would be pushing it(you wouldnt want to lose >your membership to the craddle robbers of america would you : ) . >Man alive I must be rambling. I must know this fantastic ryme you >thought up. Or atleast tell it to Ben so he can tell me. Have you >told him anything he's not supposed to say? A while ago, I was >relating a issue with you to him and all he'd say was "man, you've >got nothing to worry about". Just wondering. I don't know if all >that made sense, it's late and I'm tired. (not that kind of late) I >hope you don't think I was preaching to you. In reality, we really >are getting a foundation layed down that's above reproach, arent we? >Mabye I just see too many relationships that are a mess. I dunno. >Shoot some thoughts back at me, the ESP went down for a while. O by >the way, Julie finaly decided she's curiuos about what's going on, >and I can't stand skirting around it anymore, I think I'd have to >lie to keep it a secret from her. Just wan t your thoughts on that. >After reading all that, crank up that oldie "OOOoooo Child, things >are gonna get easier". OK better end this now. > >Wes > >Expressing in a car just doesn't fit. >Don't say think you idiot, O poo. >

think I'm goin to print your emails out..and make a book....this way..I can accurately record everything for the cops when I press charges for your stalking......I kid I kid....oohh I totally stole that...but it's all good....so yeah..I just loved that letter...you suprised me twice in one day...and that is like my favoritest thing...see...I usually have a pretty good sense of things..what's gonna happen etc....how one feels...etc....but...when I'm totally thrown off....i am totally thrown off...just makes my day...and you did it twice...haha......that was hysterical when you came in for circle...I must of sounded like an idiot..we had like 6 new kids...and they're lookin @ me like...J...what's the letter J....you can take that J and shove it....well maybe not...but yeah...I would have usually been able to talk to you..but that was such a chaotic day..and I was showing Becca...the other teacher...how we be rockin the NW YMCA preschooly center yo..AH...it is my lucky day...as you have just signed on....wahoo....I don't know about your operation bedango...ill talk more about that later though...mustn't waste precious time w/ you online....see ya Friday=)