Adults can usually describe how violence at home is effecting them. They can say things like, "I am afraid," or "I feel guilty." It is much harder for children to describe their feelings in words. They often act out their feelings instead of saying them. Many behaviors that anger or worry adults are really children's ways of asking for HELP with something that is bothering them. Hearing, seeing or knowing about family violence does effect children. This list gives some examples of how children of different ages ask for help with what is bothering them. There might be some other things that children do to seek HELP that is not on the list, and the ages at which the behaviors occur might be different.
Infants
Sleep disturbances, sleeping too much, not sleeping restfully, difficulty feeding always wanting to eat or refusing to eat, continually fussy and crying, unable to be comforted or easily startled.
Toddlers & Pre-School
Chronic stomachaches and headaches, nausea, night terrors or difficulty going to bed, unable to be comforted, general sadness, not knowing how to play or difficulty socializing with other children, meaness.
Elementary
School problems, difficulty concentrating, school phobia, problems getting along with friends and classmates. Frequent injuires or reckless behavior, constant talking about fears, difficulty leaving a parent or having a parent leave. Bed wetting, thumb sucking, agressive or intimidating behaviors, cruelty to animals or smaller children.
Junior High High School
Destruction of property, truancy, agressive behavior or violent behaviors. Running away, substance abuse, talk of suicide, threats of attempting suicide, nightmares, stashing a weapon, depression, having no friends and not participating in any outside activities.
Any Age
Physical complaints such as headache, stomachaches, sleep problems, eating problems, constant sadness or nervousness, withdrawl and isolation.
Because you know your children, you can notice when your children begin any of these problem behaviors.
One very helpful guideline: If a troublesome behavior continues for a month, it is not... "just a phase," and the child may need professional HELP!
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