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How to spot a vampyre

Here you will learn how to spot a vampyre. All vampyres have a distinct way of dressing and acting. First, all vampyres shield their eyes when they come in contact with light, no matter how dim. They can't stand it at all. Even the glow of the blinker on your VCR can put them in a great deal of pain. Second, most vampyres have not seen the Earth in years. You see, vampyres feed in cycles. The ones that hunt sleep for ten years, then they can go without it for another thirty years. So if you see someone wearing a leather jacket and alot of moose, I suggest you stay away from him. Even the sweetest looking person can become a cold-blooded killer. Remember, even if the person is your best friend, after they have been transformed they are no longer the people you once knew. They are evil beings that want nothing more than to have you as a midnight snack. Third, all vampyres have very long fingernails, even in human form. They need them to subdue their victims. And when they smile, their teeth are pearly white. I mean, whiter than humanly possible. They take very good care of their teeth because blood can be very messy, and they are not the cleanest creatures on Earth when they feed. And lastly, all vampyres have a bounce to their walk. And when I say that, I mean, they walk like they are the kings of the world. They know that no one knows what they are, so they "strut their stuff" as we say. These are all very crucial, and you need to pay close attention to these things in case you ever think of leaving a public place with a vampyre.

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