For many years I had thought about my birth, my birth mother, and my natural family. What they were like, did they ever think of me? On my birthdays I would wonder, are they thinking of me? At one point, while I was in high school, I really wanted to search.
But it wasn't until I was 25 that I started to search in earnest. A friend who had adopted her daughter was very supportive of me, and said she would make some calls to find out how to start a search. Well, she just never did anything about it. Then, two years later, I brought it up with her again. This time she made the calls and found out what to do.
I had known I was adopted through the Children's Aid Society of Utah. I was told that I would need to send a written request for my non-identifying information. So I did. This was in February, and I waited and waited. I called every so often to see how my request was coming, and every time I was told that they had my request and that they were getting to it. The wait was terrible. Finally, on July 31, 1992, I received the requested information. I read it, and of course cried. I finally knew something about my birth family. Some of the information was sad, but I was still happy to have it.
After receiving this information, I ran to tell my best friend Annette, who is an adoptive mother. She cried with me.
I then called a lady from a group called L.A.M.B. (Love Thru Adoption Means Birth parents) Her name is Charlotte Staten. She said I should fill out a form for the Carson City Adoption Registry. I arranged to pick the form up from her home. I filled it out and sent it in. There was no match. She is still in business and can be reached by calling (801) 298-8520. She is a Utah State Representative of the American Adoption Congress, Orphan Voyage Associate, and a C.E.R.A Member.
I sent her the information I had received. I also sent it to another lady who at the time was associated with Charlotte. Her name is Sharlene Lightfoot, she does a lot in helping do searches. She told me to call the adoption agency and see if I could find out if my birth family was from Utah. I was not only able to find out that they were from Utah, but also what part they were from.
I also had a friend Susan, who had searched, found, and was successfully reunited with her birth mother and father. She really loves doing searches and was excited to help me. I sent her my information. She felt that my best clue was the fact that my paternal grandfather was a laborer at a feed yard, and suggested that I find a library that would have old phone books from 1965. I made a trip to the Brigham Young University Library in Provo to check out this lead. I requested phone books from several counties that I thought were in the general area of my search. I found all the feed yards and wrote down their phone numbers. I went home and began to call. Most of them were no longer in service, or given to someone else, a few were no answers.
Sharlene called to tell me she had some additional information. She thought birth father was my birth mothers cousin. She was a little concerned by this, but I still felt I needed to continue my search. She told me to try calling the adoption agency and play the yes-and-no question game. She said to ask if they were from such and such city. So I did this. The lady I spoke with did not know the cities, only the counties. So I asked her if they were from Beaver County, and she said yes. I chose to ask for Beaver County first because my friend Susan felt strongly that they were from Beaver County. I checked my list of feed yards and found that there was one in Beaver County. I also called the school district to see what schools would have been in that County in 1965. It was from the man that I spoke with that I found out that the feed yard in that County was still in business and owned by the same man as in 1965.
I called and spoke with the owner of the feed yard, and asked him if he remembered a man who worked for him, who had two sons and two daughters, and who had some operations on his bladder. He did remember a man like this, he gave the man's name, and the names of his children and wife. As I wrote all these names down, he informed me that the man had passed away and his family had moved from the area. He did say that he would ask around and see if any one knew how to get in touch with them. I then gave him my phone number. I never did tell him the reason I was looking, and he never asked. By the names he had given me, and approximate ages, I guessed at which one I thought was my birth mother. Her name was Helen.
I called directory assistance to see if there were any families with the same last name still living in the small city. There were. I called them asking about Helen. I eventually contacted her cousin. I thought to myself, I could have just talked to my birth father. He had me talk to his mother who might know more on how to get in touch with Helen. She took my number and said she would pass it along. Meanwhile, I called the adoption agency to see if I had a match. I was told that if I was right, they would tell me. I aske about Helen. She said I had the last name correct, but not the first. I then told her the other first name I had which was Louise. That was the correct name. Knowing that my birth father was a cousin. I asked if my birth father had the same last name. She said no, which meant that I had not spoken with my birth father. The owner of the feed yard had told me that one of Ross' (my birth-grandfather) sons had passed away, but he was not sure which one. He also said that Richard (one of Ross' sons) had moved to Idaho and so had his mother Pearl.
I then called Idaho directory assistance to get numbers for Richard. There were two in the whole State. I called the first and it was not the one. At the second one there was no answer. By this time it was Friday October 2, 1992. I had planned a camping trip with my friend Annette and her family, so I was needing to leave to meet them. So it wasn't until Sunday that I would start searching again. All I thought about and talked about was my birth mother Louise. I drove my friend crazy, but she was excited. We had discussed that she would be the one to make the initial call once we found Louise. We also discussed what I wanted out of this first contact.
Of course I wanted to meet her and have a relationship with her, but I also realized that she had gone on with her life and had possibly never told anyone about me. If she did not want contact, that was fine. But I would like some pictures of her, and some medical information.
On Sunday morning I left camp before my friend and her family. I got home and resumed my search. I got nervous about calling her brother Richard, so I called my friend Susan and she said she would call for me. A few minutes later Susan called back with names and numbers. I was so excited. Annette had not come home from camping yet. I was going crazy, left messages on her machine, left notes on her doors, and called every ten minutes. She finally came home, so I rushed to her house so she could call. She made the call. Louise answered the phone. At first I was on the other line, but the connection was bad because of it, so I hung up and went to the same room that Annette was in. The last thing I had heard was Annette saying who she was and where she was from, and that she had something important to talk to her about, and was now a good time for her. Well by the time I got to the room where Annette was I heard "No, she is definitely a girl."
I wondered what was going on. I paced up and down the hall until she hung up. She said that my birth mother was excited to hear from me. She had two daughters that she had never told about me. They were at her house for dinner and she wanted to tell them first, and asked that I call her back in two hours. Louise had also said that she had been told she had given birth to a boy, so she was surprised. She had always hoped that this day would come. She had always told her husbands and male relationships about me. Her closing statement to Annette was "Fantastic!" I was to be to work that night, but since I was this close I called in sick. Two hours later, Annette called again, and asked if it was O.K. to talk and if she wanted to talk to me. She did! We talked for only a few minutes. She is not much of a talker. So I carried on most of the conversation, and for once in my life, I too was having difficulties knowing what to say. She told me a little bit about my two sisters, and said that they were excited. I asked about my birth father. She laughingly said I did not want to know, but she told me. His name is David. I laughed, I grew up with a boy with the same name, first and last. So that was somewhat humorous. We exchanged addresses and agreed to send pictures. I talked to my sister Teresa to give her my address. Louise was too nervous. I later found it was because she could not write. We exchanged pictures. It was so exciting. I had done some calling about my birth father. I found out what high school he went to. I also found that a former class mate of his was now a teacher at a school in Salt Lake. I got the teacher's phone number and called him. He said he remembered my birth father, and agreed to look in his yearbook for a picture. He found a 9th grade and 10th grade picture and made copies for me.
The month went on, and Louise called me and I called her. On October 30, 1992 I received a phone call. She had left a message on my machine that said "Hi, I am in California, and I have a plane ticket to Salt Lake tomorrow, can you pick me up? I will be at this number, please call me."
Well, I just about died. I wasn't ready. My house needed to be cleaned. I needed to find someone to work for me. My friend Annette was getting ready to go to Arizona with her husband. I called her to tell her she couldn't go, but she had to, so I was left to do this alone. I was so nervous. I cleaned my house and tried to go grocery shopping. What does she like to eat? I had no idea. I had to work for a few hours on Saturday, the day she came in. After work I went and picked up my mom, she wanted to go to the airport with me. The whole time, I was really nervous. Louise came off the plane. I didn't know if I should hug her or what. I think I did. We then went to my grandma's, and to visit my great aunt and uncle. That night was Halloween. So we went to my friend Cheryl's. I had promised her kids I would go see them in their costumes. I didn't really know what to do. She went along with what I said. My family planned to meet for dinner on Sunday after church. Louise went to church with me. She started getting sick. After church we went home, we had a few hours before dinner, so she rested. We met my family and a few friends for dinner at a near-by restaurant. Two of my uncles, my aunt, cousin, uncle's girlfriend, mom, brother, grandma, non official grandma and grandpa, and a close friend who is also adopted were all there with us. Louise still wasn't feeling well, and decided she better go back to my place and rest. She was getting a migraine headache, so I took her home, and went back to my family. I was sort-of relieved to be alone. After dinner I had to go to work to arrange another day off, because Louise had decided to stay and extra day. I talked with a friend. I started crying on my way to work. I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing contacting her, and bringing her back into my life.
The last few days went well, we ate with another aunt and uncle who couldn't make it on Sunday. My family likes to eat out! Louise was leaving on Tuesday which was also the day of Elections for a new Governor. Louise and I went to vote. She was able to meet some other friends who have known me for many years. I live in a small area within Salt Lake, everyone knows everyone sort of. Several people she met were from my church where I grew up. No one knew about this search, so they were shocked and excited for me. I later took her to the airport and our reunion was over. All in all, it went O.K. Boy did I have a lot to think about.
Since then, we have seen each other many times, mostly in Salt Lake and a few times in Idaho, and California. I have not yet made it to Missouri where she is living now. We talk on the phone often, and have exchanged birthday and Christmas presents since we have been reunited. She sent me a beautiful album with pictures of her, her family, and my sisters as they grew up, and also pictures of my birth father. You can definitely tell we are related. I have met her whole family, except for my one sister Virginia, her son Brian, and my cousin Phillip. They have all accepted me with open arms and welcomed me into their family.
I am very happy that I decided to search and that all has turned out so well. I have not yet met my birth father. He does know about me. I am now finally ready to meet him and am working on finding out where he is.
See a picture of me and Louise
And a picture of my sisters Virginia and Teresa.
In June I went to visit Lousie and meet Vriginia for the first time. While there we had our pictures taken together. Here is all four of us And me and my sisters
I have finally been in contact with my birth father on March 29, 1996. His name is David Charles he is known as Charlie. I found him in Salem, Orgeon. Louise had called me one day and had mentioned that Charlies' sister-in-law had passed away in Panguich, Utah. She told me that it was Charlies' brothers wife. I asked her what his name was and she told me. I looked in my phone disk to see if had a phone number listed and sure enough he did. I asked my friend Annette to call him and ask if Charlie had been in contact with him. And he had. His brother gave Annette Charlies' phone number.
So I went to my grandmas house and called him. I was so nervous. I asked if he was Charles David from Utah. He said that he was. I told him who I was. I think he was a little shocked. He seemed happy that I had called. He had heard that I had been in contact with my birth mother's side of the family. I told him a little bit about myself. He isn't really much of a talker. I am sure it was a little awkward for him also. He did tell me that I have 3 brothers and two sisters. We exchanged addresses and agreed that we would send pictures to each other. So the next day I got my pictures in the mail to him. About a week later he called me saying he had recieved the pictures. Then a few days that I was surprised to find an e-mail from his wife Margaret. She seems very nice and very accepting of me. She is getting together some pictures for me and will be sending them soon. I have really enjoyed being in contact with her. Now all I need to do is make arrangments to meet Charlie and his family. This is all very exciting!
Here are some pictures of my birth father and his family.
Charlie and Margaret My bdad and his wife.!
Charlie Most recent picture of bdad, March 1996!
My Brothers Charlie, Mike and David!
David recently taken at the airport after the Jazz swept the western conference by beating the Lakers! GO JAZZ!!!!
My Sisters Toni (top), Tamara (bottom)
On September 6, 1996 I finally met my birth sister Tamara and her daughter Natasha. It was so exciting. Being an on;y daughter and older sister to twin brothers I always wished that I had sisters. I always hoped that someday I would find my birth family, and find that I had sisters. And now I do! To find out that I have 4 sisters is really exciting. Meeting Tamara was great. I knew she was having some friends meet her at the airport as well as me. I got there early, to find out the her plane was arriving earlier than scheduled. I went to the gate and there was a plane there but no one was getting on or coming off, so I asked around to make sure I was at the right place. I was, but the plane was coming in at the original time. So I went to get me a taco, I hadn't eaten all day, so I was hungry. I went back to the gate, and noticed some other people asking about the same flight. The we found out that the plane was coming in at a different gate. Luckily it was just across the way so we went to that gate where the passenegers were coming off. I had only seen pictures of Tamara. And I knew her 8 year old daughter would be with her, plus her mom. So I was looking for someone that fit. A few people came off that I thought could be her, but they walked right past so I figured it wasn't them. Finally I saw Tamara walking down the ramp from the plane, she came out and walked past me saying Hi! Then she sort of stopped and asked what my name was. I told her and she said "hi, I'm Tamara, your sister" and we hugged. She hugged her other friends and introduced me as her sister to her friend, mother and uncle. She also introduced me to her daughter Tasha but being an 8 yr. old, Tasha was more into looking around and not standing around talking. We all left to go get the luggage.
We had pre-planned to go out to dinner. Tamara was in Salt Lake City for her class reunion. She had several friends that she wanted to see while she was here for her short trip of 4 days. She needed to call her friends to make the arrangements. So I went home and she called me when a place was decided to go eat. When she called with plans, she told me that she had invited our brother Charlie. Charlie lives in Salt Lake City too. But he never knew about me until that Friday. Tamara wanted our father to be the one to tell his sons about this new daughter (me). So Tamara called dad to ask him to call and tell Charlie so that we could meet. Dad told Tamara just tell him. So Tamara called Charlie back and told him that he had a new sister. Charlie I guess was a little shocked and I think excited. We all met at the Mexican Restraunt, and then Charlie came. And I got to meet him and hi wife Cindy. That was exciting. Now all I had to meet was my other brother Mike who also lives in Salt Lake City. I still haven't met him. I wasn't able to stay for long. I ate and left. I had tickets for a concert. I did tell them that I would try to meet them later at a bar they were going to go dancing at. But I did not find them.
With Tamara's plans for the weekend, I didn't see her again until on Monday. I went with her to see some other friends and see some of the places where she lived in Salt Lake as she was growing up. It was nice spending that time with her. Tasha was also with us and was getting tired of driving around, so I offered to take tasha to my house while Tamara finished her running around. it was pretty fun. Tasha played nintendo. It is fun having nieces and nephews. Again we all went out to dinner. Another Mexican place. but it was fun. That was the last social time I would spend with my new found sister. She would be leaving on Tuesday.
Tuesday evening I went to the airport to see Tamara off. I was a little down knowing that she was leaving. We got to visit for a little while before she left. She told me that she was glad that I found them. And that she wanted us to keep in touch. that made me feel really good. The time finally came for them to board the plane. I took some quick pictures. I did good and didn't cry. But for the rest of the evening I was really sad. I had much on my mind. I am so happy to have sisters, and to have met Tamara. I am happy that she is my sister. I hope in time we will grow closer together as sisters and friends. I wish we didn't live so far apart. I will be glad to meet her again. And I hope that soon I will get to meet our other sister Toni. And our other brothers Mike and David.
I can't believe how big my family has grown. What a wonderful experience. I am so glad that I searched and found my birth family!
Here is a picture that I took of Tamara and Tasha! My reunion story continues. The end of October I recieved a phone call from my sister Tamara, telling me to call her back as soon as possible no matter how late it was. Her voice did not sound right. I called her back to find out that our father has passed away of a sudden heart attack. This was very sad and disturbing news for me. I had never met him face to face, only spoke on the phone. Tamara and our other sister Toni were getting ready to leave to go be with our step-mom Margaret. When I found out when the funeral services were to be held I made my arrangements to be there. I had just started a new job, and was worried about taking time off frm work, but I HAD to attend. I flew in on Thursday, (Halloween) and the funeral was the next day. I had to fly back out on Saturday so the trip was a very short one. While there I was able to meet my other sister Toni, my brother Mike who lives in Salt Lake also, and my youngest brother David. I also finally got to meet Margaret in person, after e-mailing her and talking to her on the phone so much. Under the circumstances it was a great reunion. It was a sad closure for me. But I am happy that I did finally get in touch and find my birth father, I am also so happy that I have finally met my other brothers and sisters. I alos got to meet my birth fathers brothers and sister. They have all welcomed me into the family with open arms. It has been a great experience. Here are some pictures while we were all together. My brothers & sisters and me! and one of My sisters, Tamara, Me, and Toni.
Visit the Adoptee's Internet Mailing List HomePage
Matt Silva's Adoption Links
The Adoptee's Search and Reunion Resource Home Page
The #Adoptees Channel members!
Grace, Another adoptee, and designer of my Bird House!
Yahoo! Maps help you find people!
Colleen's Corner of Cyberspace!
Angry Grandma's Adoptees' Links Home Page
IAm Internet Adoptees Mailing List Home Page!
Last Updated: Thursday, April 3, 1997
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