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Church Bulletins - Quotes
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These are ACTUAL church bulletins

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  • Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of new carpeting. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
  • The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • Evening massage - 6 p.m.
  • The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  • The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
  • Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.
  • Ushers will eat latecomers.
  • The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
  • The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
  • The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
  • During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  • Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
  • Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
  • Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
  • The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in thechurch basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
  • 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
  • A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
  • Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
  • Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
  • On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
  • The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
  • Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
  • 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
  • Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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Quotes

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The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." on the San Francisco earthquake.
"Republicans understand the importance of bandage between a mother and child." a speech on family values.
"It isn't the pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." At a fund raiser for the United Negro College Fund.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

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Quotes From Other Political Leaders
"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder."
Former Chicago mayor Daley during the 1968 convention.
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Ednerbery.
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people that make them unsafe."
Former Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo.
"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
Clinton aide George Stephanopolous.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
Hillary Clinton.
"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
President Calvin Coolidge.
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
Sen. Everett Dirksen.
"Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Anti-Smoking Spokesperson Brooke Shields.

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