"SurferBoy," formerly Billy Joel's "Piano Man"

It's not too late round the Abbey now
The residents seem kinda low
There's a brother sitting next to me
Wond'ring why Carter keeps moving shows.

He says, "I've heard bad news on Arcadia,
Like it's been deep-sixed and for good
But I may have been fooled
Autumn whispers, 'retooled,'
I'd like to believe if I could."

(La..De..Da bit from original, how apropos)

(chorus)

Mess with our heads, you're the SurferBoy
Mess with our heads for fun
Oh we love when you cut all of Scully's lines
Yeah sure -- some advice? Learn to run.

The nun at the bar is a friend of mine
She taught me 10 ways not to prance
And with rita raised high she begs Carter to die
Since he's had more than one second chance.

She says, "Nameplate for Fowley? I wanna hurl
Just give me CC's neck to wring.
Well I think we should call out the Kitchen Crew,
That is, if there were such a thing."

("La..De..Da..")
Now just over there is a fencesitter
Who cringes when Mulder's a PUNK
She prays that CC won't return the damn bee --
Hey, everyone's looking quite drunk.

And our Princess says things could be really bad
Like Scully, gone blonde with guitar,
Now, well, that would be wrong in so many ways
How've we managed to stay sane so far?

(chorus)

It's a pretty good bet that at 1013
CC thinks that he's cooler than heck
Cause he knows XF fans
Scream and wail at his plans
But, sir, may I say -- watch your neck!

And the nuns pull out wimples of Kevlar
And they all look completely demure
And the SWAT van they load and then they hit the road
To straighten out Carter, fer sure.

(chorus)

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