I wrote this to fend off the off-season blues and basically remind me of everything I don't like about XF when it is in season (okay, I know that's the wrong term and makes it sound like we're going hunting, but whatever) and pretty much all I could think of was the mytharc they cook up for February sweeps.

I am actually am very fond of sweeps mytharc from seasons 1-4, but as a relative latecomer to the show, seasons five and six are the only ones I've seen in "real time", and well... there are few eps I hate more than the TR&TB/PX and 2F/1S pairs, "oh, my god" notwithstanding. Anyway. It is my humble hope that this filk will make you appreciate the power and beauty of the off-season, when it's all on video and we don't have to watch anything we don't want to.

X-Files During Sweeps Time
(to the tune of Southland In The Springtime - Indigo Girls)

Maybe this will make sense in the morning
When there's been some time to process, and to sleep
Eight hundred random plot points, all converging
But I never get why Mulder's such a creep

I don't understand who all these men in suits are
Or why Scully gets no moments in the sun
As I stare at my TV screen I just can't help but wonder -
"So, whose turn is it now to be The One?"

And there's nothing like The X-Files during sweeps time
When they fudge with continuity and reason
Though we'll miss them when they're gone
sometimes mytharc takes too long
Between grey men, bees, and "Full Disclosure" teasin',
Scully's cancer, Sam, and Alex Krycek's skeezin'*,
You can hear me groan when it's that time of season
It's the X-Files during sweeps time

When the dialogue gets weak, transitions shaky
And the voiceovers all sound especially canned
It gets hard to keep track of each brand new convolution
And you wonder just how much of it was planned

We'll be hashing out the vaguenesses for hours
Trying to work out who said what, to whom, and when
We give up when at last the contihooity dead-ends us
Until next year, when we do it all again...


*yeah yeah, I know it's not really a verb. So sue me.
[ed. note: the editor suggests "sleazin'" as an alternate 'real' verb.]

Author: Sister FortunateOne

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