Apologies to Tom, Tony, Neil and Wayne, all of whom are nice fellows, I'm sure.

Bryn

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10:13 PM Las Vegas, Nevada
Some Casino

The crowd is rowdy, and the liquor is flowing freely. After a burst of colored lights and a lot of dry ice, TOM JONES steps on the stage, singing to the tune of "It's Not Unusual."

Well it's unusual for a Saint to act so drunk
Well it's unusual, and so the Gunmen thunk
And when Fro saw her in the bar he was perplexed
Cause it's unusual for her to smoke, and that's no joke

Well it's unusual to see Byers in control
But when it's Suzanne he is involved both heart and soul
So he resolves to call up Scully and lure her there
It's not unusual?
The Gunmen plus X-File...haven't seen it in a while

And they don't want to get Mulder;
With him? Cover's blown; Scully isn't known
Why can't they credit more to her?!

Well it's unusual for the Punk to call at two
No wait that's usual...and we know what she will do
But when she finally finds that he's not in Vegas too
It's not unusual
To hope that our Scully kicks some ass

TONY BENNETT appears and starts singing "The Lady Is a Tramp." He is promptly attacked with what appears to be a flamethrower, but fortunately his polyester costume is flame-retardant and he is unharmed. A man is taken into custody and dragged from the room screaming, "The nuns did it!" Nearby nuns adjust their wimples and look shocked. To fill the time until the next performer, 13 Elvis impersonators take the stage. They croon "Love Me Spender" for about 24 seconds before the crowd starts throwing things.

Next NEIL DIAMOND appears, singing to the tune of "Sweet Caroline."

Where it began...I can't explain the mytharc
Just say conspiracy is strong
Inhalers first, now a keen injection gun
Used to gain mind control -- how wrong!
While cutting James
Sees a mark
She suspects
Then she's grabbed.

Agent Scully...da da daaaaa...bad guys targetting her neck
It's plain to see...da da daaaaa...someone needs her kept in check (by drugging)

Langly returns, finds Scully acting real strange
She gives her theory: beeeeep and smack
Says she's all right -- in fact she says, "Sure, cutie"
Langly must sense she's out of whack
Tries moving cart
Pushing hard
Wond'ring why
It won't roll

Agent Scully...da da daaaaa...inhibitions gone away
Betcha that she's...da da daaaaa...gonna have some fun today (in the bar).... [fade out]

WAYNE NEWTON appears, looking remarkably well-preserved. Whispers of "formaldehyde" and "gotta hand it to that alien technology" echo through the crowd. He begins singing to the tune of "Danke Schoen."

What a shame,
Byers...what a shame
Found his girl
Gave her a new name
Ten years he
Dreamt of Modeski
Finds her at Def-Con
Still a pawn
Then she's gone
Oh what a shame
Poor Byers...what a shame --

Mr. Newton is abruptly escorted offstage when a large section of the crowd begins chanting "Save Ferris" and -- in the words of one witness -- "trying to shake it up baby." Amidst much twisting and shouting, local authorities removed several audience members from the premises and the floorshow was cancelled indefinitely.

Author: Bryn

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