"Master of the House" from _Les Mis_
is now "Mulder's Not Himself"

Agents in car
Driving again
And Scully talks
Of what might've been
House, kids, and dog
No nighttime drives
No secret sources
Just nice, normal lives.
Craft comes through real slow
Zaps the folks below
Bodies have been switched but
Scully doesn't know

Mulder's not himself
Makes her pump the gas
Has to make her wonder
Why he's such an ass
Meanwhile Fox is stunned
Everything has flipped
His "wife" is on the phone
And does she have him whipped.
Falls asleep upon the sofa
Watchin' just a little porn'
Scuse me, Mr. Carter?
Ho-hum, joke is getting rather worn.

Mulder's not himself
"Dana" this and that
Smoking on a Morley
Smiling like a rat
Makes all nice with Kersh
Says the trip was wrong
Scully's flabbergasted by this dance & song
This is not her trusted partner
Flirting with the prancy chick
He grins and says she's jealous
Slaps her rear -- my, Fletcher is a prick.

Mulder's not himself
Chewed out by Joanne
Kids are acting pissy
What a family man
Searching for his keys
Tries to be polite
Says nix on a nose job
And then there's a fight.
Running for the door real quickly
Has to go and change his clothes
Strutting past the mirror
Oh my! That's a most attractive pose.

Panties on straight?!
Go by the book?
Scully is shocked
And gives him The Look
Fox buys some seeds
Gas station's hit
Guy through the floor
How weird can you get?
Scully in the hall
Hears a woman's laugh
Sees the blonde; Our Saint is
Not amused by half

Thinks Mulder is cracked
Or smoking crack, it seems
No interest in the X-Files?
Scully wants to scream
Drives back to NV
Fed up with the crap
Gets chewed out by Kersh and
She must set a trap...
Quantum physics hold the answer
To the matter-warping trend
Mulder's dragging off yelling
"He's not me" and there the ep doth end.

Dreamland II begins
Mulder's in a cell
Scully's been suspended
Things are going well
Morris plays it smooth
Dinner, 8 o'clock?
Sure that Dana Scully will make his world rock
When it comes to decorating
Fletcher picks a jungle theme
Mirrors on the ceiling
Whole bedroom is really quite a scream.

Mulder's not himself
Scully knows the deal
Her partner's in an apron
It is damn surreal
Fletcher's grinning big
Sure he just can't miss
Grabs a little bubbly
And prepares for bliss
Scully smiles at her reflection
Says the bed is kinda nice
Dangles handcuffs coyly
Morris doesn't need to be told twice

Mulder's not himselfS
cully pulls her gun
Vows emasculation
If he tries to run.
Makes him meet the source
At the A'LE'INN
Morris meets with Mulder
Who could just kill him
Have to smuggle out the flight box
Plan goes off without a hitch
Scully goes to find the
Lone Gunmen to help resolve the switch.

Huevos galore
"Back off, Sneezy"
Morris makes friends
With Frohike.
Scully meets Fox
Bad news to share
Chance of switching
Is distincly rare.
She'd kiss him if he
Weren't so damn ugly
Who gets to shoot Morris?
Then seeds for Scully  (awww)

Scully is confused
Gas station's not burned
She heads back to see Mulder
With the things she's learned
Time warp doubles back
All will be put right
If they can return to
Where they were that night.
Man in black has nifty roadblock
Second strange surge brings success
No one recalls nothing
Hey, it's XF -- did you expect less?

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