ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung
up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some
woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here,
let me see!"So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks
in the mirror and says,"You dummy, it's me!"
THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she
finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She
opens
her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with
grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey,
don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says,
"OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's
easy: W."
FIVE
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch
and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My gosh!"
the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on
by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the
blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer
asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest
thing!"
the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere
this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there
was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I
swerved
to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there
was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a
tree on this road for 30 miles.That was your air freshener swinging back
and forth."
SIX
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered
at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find
all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they
do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
SEVEN
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by
radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how
to
start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed
1000
feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful,
and
I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again,
saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000
feet,
and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later,
he
watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and
pulled
her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't
know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.
I
can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!
