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LEWIS T. HAAS

LEWIS T. HAAS

Title: Retarded Teenager
Locale: Denver Colorado
Time: 1930s
Installment: 1 of 1489 more or less
Type: Tragicomedy

Enter stage right our HERO (LOUD applause) Ahem our retarded boy is entered in second grade at Ellsworth Elementary School, located Garfield St. and Alemeda Ave. This location is in a district referred to as Poverty Flats, this is done with either a smile or frown depending on the individual's feelings about poverty. Poverty flats is or was located roughly--North- Second Ave, South- Cherry Creek, East- Colorado Blvd-West-Fillmore St.? Our hero fearlessly enters trembling and is introduced to a bunch of strange kids who generously greet this charming lad with sneers (boys) disdain (girls). This wonderful reception immediately makes our HERO feel at home and wanted. This of course is the normal friendly western reception. The day passes after about 30 hours and our HERO is released on his own recognizance, he quickly begins the journey home and the bosom of his family, but alas his journey is rudely interrupted by a classmate (boy type) and invited to have a go at fisticuffs. Now unfortunately our HERO is not a battler by nature, in fact in later years he considers himself a lover. This feeling was not shared by the female types he encounters. To continue, after a bit of hemming and hawing our HERO looks around hoping for an avenue of escape, but after encountering several sets of unsympathetic eyes among his peer. He sees that this cannot be accomplished with honor. So with arms wind milling ferociously he enters the fray. (side issue-this is known as peer pressure of which we must correspond more upon) Now the fight is not prolonged affair since our HERO lands a lucky punch and his adversary's nose begins to bleed. Now the adversary suffers this injury bravely and good naturally, but alas and alack our HERO bursts into tears. There were two reasons for this unseemly conduct on the part of our HERO. One he does not enjoy hurting people (to be a good fighter one has to want to hurt the other person. In our HEROES case this can only be achieved by extreme anger) Two this unwanted exercise is merely the last straw in a full day of straw gleaning. Now there was another unwanted and unwarranted sequel to this day. Our HERO wins the reputation of being a fighter. Now our HERO likes the honor, but finds it difficult to live up to his reputation. He has one plus to his credit he is tall for this age and has long arms. So he can reach the rivals nose easier than the rival can reach our HEROES proboscis. Now height is all he has going for him as he is dreadfully thin with arms like matchsticks. He was so thin that if he laid down on an unmowed lawn he was often mistaken for a snake and was pummeled with rocks. DON'T MISS THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTER COMING SOON (curtain) WHISTLES, STOMPS LOUD APPLAUSE!

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© 1999 Lewis T. Haas
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