What will the Olympics be like in
Utah? I think that the the Olympics will never be the same
again. Here's a tongue-in-cheek list of my predictions of
what will happen in 2002.
Donny Osmond and his brothers will be the entertainment
at the Opening Ceremony. The Mormon Tablernacle
Choir will sing for the Awards ceremony.
Discounts will be given on tickets for listening to the
missionary discussions.
The Salt Lake Temple will appear on the Olympic medals.
Guys in suits will be on every corner but they won't be
the Mafia.
New Events: Choir singing, Casserole Cook-Off and
Jello Sculpturing, cow tipping, scripture chases, longest
testimony, pop guzzling, mini-van races
Instead of a cheering section, athletes will have fans
that fast and pray for them.
Steve Young will be the guest of honor at the "Hay
Staking" event.
T-shirts will feature pictures of Brigham Young.
Instead of doves, seagulls will be released.
Figure Skaters will be censored if they wear revealing
costumes.
There will be a red arch over every finish line.
Family passes will be available, but only if you have 8
or more children.
Chaperones that carry rulers and megaphones will be hired
instead of bouncers for all entertainment events.
All athletes will be required to submit their 5
generation pedigree chart before competing.
The only refreshments that will be allowed at the
Olympics are punch and cookies, which will be supplied by
the Relief Society.
Along with drugs, athletes must abstain from Coke and
Pepsi, coffee and tea, and swearing.
Distingushed guests will ride to events in covered wagons
and be given cowboy hats and bonnets.
Of course, no events or training will be allowed on
Sunday. Sacrament meeting will be held in the new
Assembly Hall, and all visitors will be required to
attend.
In Park City, the "Presidential Suite" will be
an old shack in the woods that is closely monitored via
hidden cameras for imappropriate behavior.
The Olympics in Utah 
