MISCELLANEOUS PROVERBS

Above all else  -  sky.

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.

A closed mouth gathers no feet!

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A fool and his money are soon elected!

A friend asks only for your time, not your money.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

A good politician is one who can straddle a fence and get people 
  to believe its a platform.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A king's castle is his home.

All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that
  money doesn't buy happiness.

All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in
  advance.

All's well that ends.

All the world's a stage and the people on
  it are poorly rehearsed.

All work and no play,
  will make you a manager.

A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.

A man's best friend is his dogma.

A man without God is like a fish without water.

Anarchy is against the law.

An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.

An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.

An expert is someone from out of town.

An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

Any government that's strong enough to give the people
  everything they want is a government that's strong
  enough to take it away.

Anyone who can cope with mathematics is not fully human.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.

Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of
  demand.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

An ounce of Substance is worth a ton of form.

A vessel is only as good as that which fills it.

A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can
  from the top of a mountain.

A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make
  one believe in God.

Bad facts make bad acts.

Be alert, America needs more lerts.

Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here!

Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.

Bedfellows make strange politicians.

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.

"Beware when fighting a dragon that you do not become one"  -    
  ancient Chinese proverb.

Blame Saint Andreas  -  It's all his fault.

Business is like oil, it won't mix with anything but business.

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

Chastity is its own reward.

Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.

Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Clones are people two.

Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.

Common sense is very uncommon.

Communism = the poor waging war on the rich;  Corporatism =
  the rich waging war on the poor;  Fascism = feeding off of the
  dead carcuses of the rich and the poor;  Democracy = equal 
  rights and opportunities for the rich and the poor.
  
Computers can never replace human stupidity.

Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the
  school of genius.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

Creditors have much better memories than debtors.

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.

Discretion is the better part of valor.

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Do it today,
  Tomorrow it will be illegal.

Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable
  uses.

Do not write on walls  -  use a typewriter.

Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.

Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!

Draw your salary before spending it.

Drilling for oil is boring..

Economy makes men independent.

Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.

Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.

Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Every purchase has its price.

Every time I lose weight,
  It finds me again.

Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and
  missing!

For those of you who think life is a joke,
  just think of the punchline.

Friction is a drag.

Friendship = one soul in two bodies.

From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.

Give a fool an inch and he'll take a mile; give him a mile and   
  he'll give you back an inch.

Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.

God can forgive you for burning down a house, but you'll still   
  have to deal with a burned down house.

God created Space and Time in order to keep everything
  from happening in the same Place and at the same Time.

God created them Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.

Gravity brings me down.

Haste makes waste.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.

He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.

Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!

Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of
  reason.

He that will not command his thoughts will soon lose command
  of his actions.

He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.

He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.

He who hesitates is last.

He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat
  when going on cruise.

He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything
  else.

He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke!

He who laughs last is probably your boss.

He who seeks the limelight will reap the darkness.  

How can you tell when a used car salesman is lying?
  Answer: When his lips start moving.

Human hearts are like coals, take one away from the rest and it  
  grows cold.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like
  solitary confinement.

I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your  
   right to tell such LIES!

Idleness is the holiday of fools.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

If everything is coming your way,
  you're in the wrong lane!

If four conspire together, three are fools and one is a
  government agent.    

If God had been in favor of homosexuality,
  He never would have created Anita Bryant!

If God had intended man to have computers,
  he would have given him 16 fingers.

If it works, Don't fix it.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary
  forms.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

"If we can't fix it  -  its broken!"

If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.

If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons
  really was a nut?

If you continually give you will continually have.

If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you, but
  if you really make them think they'll hate you.

If your computer speaks English it was probably made in Japan.

If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.

If you see an onion ring
  -- answer it!

If you start breaking the rules, the rules will start breaking you.

If you suspect a man, don't employ him.

If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.

If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a
  friend.

I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for
  hours.

I'm all for computer dating,
  But I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.

In case of fire,
  yell 'FIRE!'

Indecision is the basis of flexibility.

Individualists unite!

In GOD we trust  --
  all others must pay cash.

In jealousy there is more self-love than love.

Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.

Interchangeable parts won't.

It is better to give than to receive.

It is better to burn out than to rust out.

It is easier to run down a hill than up one.

It is hard to fly with the eagles,
  when you work with the turkeys.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof,
  because fools are so ingenious.

It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.

It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.

It is unwise to trust those who you do not know well.

It's a poor workman who blames his tools.

It's better to turn on a light than to fight off the darkness.

It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves
  the flag.

It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be
  forgotten.

"I've fallen and I can't get up."  --  Beelzebub S. Lucifer

Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.

JOIN THE ARMY.  SEE THE WORLD.  MEET NEW AND INTERESTING
  PEOPLE.  SHOOT AND KILL THEM. 

Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.

Keep grandmothers off the streets  -  legalize bingo.

Keep your mouth shut and people will think your stupid;
  Open it and you remove all doubt.

Kill a snake while it's young or it may become a dragon one day.

Learn to say things with your eyes that others waste time putting
  into words.

Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.

Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.

Lonely is a man without love.

Lonely men seek companionship.  Lonely women sit at home and     
  wait.  They never meet.

Love America  -  or give it back!

Love is strong as death, and jealousy is cruel as the grave.

LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.

Make new friends but keep the old ones;  One is silver and the
  other's gold.

Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.

Man is at war from his birth to his death, we can only choose  
  sides between spirit and flesh.

Man without God is like a tree without water.

Men have many faults, Women only two:
  Everything they say, And everything they do!
  (tsk tsk! merely jesting! -- can also be used
  against men)

Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.

Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

Mistakes are often the stepping stones to failure.

One may love Money, but Money cannot buy love.

Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover
  can in years.

More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than
  in nuclear power plants.

My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest
  of my life there.

Neil Armstrong tripped.

Nepotism is a relative thing.

Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance
  with him.

Never steal water from another man's well.

No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away 
  from it.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster
  than being elected.

No two snow flakes are alike, except in politics where all flakes
  are alike.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Nuke the Owls!  Save the Babies!

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp-posts  
  --  for support rather than illumination.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for
  their inability to give bad examples.

Old soldiers never die  -- young ones do.

One dark night in the middle of the day, two dead boys got up to 
  play; back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and
  shot each other; the deaf policeman heard the noise, and ran   
  away toward the boys; if don't think this fable's true, just ask the 
  blind man who saw it too!

One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.

One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.

On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise:
  'Where no man has gone before'.

Ours is a world where people don't know what they want, and are
  willing to go through hell to get it.

Paranoia is heightened awareness.

Paraplegics of the world  --  Stand up for your rights!

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking
  advantage of them.

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

Please all, and you will please none.

Please follow more cautiously Life's Golden Rule.

Poverty begins at home.

Preserve the old, but know the new.

Pride cometh before a fall.

Pride invites calamity; humility reaps its harvest.

Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead
  of the sword.

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.

Put your brain in gear before engaging your mouth.

Put your trust in those who are worthy.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Reality does not exist - yet.

Reality is for those people who can't face science fiction.

Remember, even if you win the rat race  --
  you can still feel like a rat.

Remember, the fact that you're paranoid
  doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!

Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.

Roses are red; Violets are blue.
  I'm schizophrenic; And so am I.

Sacred cows make great hamburgers.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards. 

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.

Smile!  It makes people wonder what you've been up to.

Some men are discovered; others are found out.

Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.

Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.

Stop Broadcasting and Start Tuning-In.

Stop day dreaming about success.  Go out and obtain it.

Take an astronaut to launch.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

Teachers have class.

Teamwork is vital!
  (It gives you someone to blame.)

That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.

The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because
  the average man can see better than he can think.

The bearing of a child takes nine months,
  no matter how many women are assigned to the project.

The best defence is a good offence.

The best prophet of the future is the past.

The best things in life are for a fee.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

The brave man is known only in war; the wise man in anger; the
  friend in time of need.

The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.

The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he
  sweeps on to the grand fallacy.

The first thing to do in the morning is brush your teeth and
  sharpen your tongue.

The fish that escaped is the big one.

The generation of random numbers is too important
  to be left to chance.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been
  asleep.

The government enforces the separation of church and state, as   
  well as the separation of taxpayers from their money.

The heart is wiser than the intellect.

The higher the lower, the lower the higher.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

The fear of the Lord is to hate what is evil.

The judgement of God often involves allowing man to reap what    
  he sows.

The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.

The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.

The only race worth winning is the human race.

The only rose without thorns is friendship.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked
  about.

The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you
  don't know where to go to erase it.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The soothing waters of a humility are better than the burning 
  spotlights of vainglory.

There are only three religions in the world: Those who worship
  God, those who worship the Devil, and those who worship        
  themselves.

There are three kinds of people in the world.  Those who make    
  things happen, those who wait for things to happen, and those  
  who wonder what happened.

There are two kinds of people in this world:
  Those that want to BE something,
  and those that want to DO something.
  (There is less competition in the second category.)

There are usually three sides to any domestic dispute: His side, 
  Her side, and the Truth.

The reason the government thinks you're just a number
  is because it's just a machine.

There is always someone worse off than yourself.

There is many a good man to be found under a shabby hat.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.

There is nothing so bad that a little worry won't make it even
  worse!  

These days govt. is a four letter word.

The shortest distance between two points is usually under
  construction.

The value of knowledge lies not in its accumulation, but in its
  utilization.

The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.

The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.

The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.

THINK!
  or THWIM!

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of
  us who do.

Those with small minds usually surround those with large mouths.

Those who are poor in flesh are usually powerful in spirit.

Those who set out to fight an enemy alone become their prime     
  target!

Thoughts and ideas are like fried chicken  --  one should eat the 
  meat and spit out the bones.

Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.

Time is like money, spend it wisely

To be at peace with God is to be at war with the world.

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

To deny that mankind is at war with an enemy unseen is 
  equivalent to surrender.

To do is to be.    -- Nietzsche
To be is to do.    -- Kant
Do be do be do.    -- Sinatra

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.

To give happiness is to deserve happiness.

To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.

To make tax forms true they should read 'Income Owed Us' and
  'Incommode You'.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

It is better to save a single life than to build a seven-story temple.

True happiness will be found only in true love.

Truth is often stranger than fiction.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Variety is the spice of life! 

Visitors and fish stink after 3 days  --  Benjamin Franklin.

We are not punished for our sins,
  but by them.

We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our
  fears.

What is the easiest way to find a needle in a haystack?  
  Answer: Burn down the haystack!

What orators lack in depth they make up in length.

What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than
  man's transparency.

When a seed of Truth is buried, stomped down where none can see;
  It will no doubt rise again, a great and mighty tree!

When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
  guarantee them.

When in Rome  --  burn it.

When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.

When you're up to your hips in alligators,
  You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.

Where there is smoke there's usually fire.

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

While money can't buy happiness,
  it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Whom the computers would destroy,
  they must first drive insane.

Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?  It's quite
  uncanny.

Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.

Wisdom and good sense guard life from harm.

With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.

Without fools there would be no wisdom.

Without health you cannot enjoy wealth or happiness.

Women are like water, and it's better to drink from a fresh      
  spring than from a polluted river.

Words are the voice of the heart.

Words must be weighed, not counted.

You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.

You can fool some of the people all of the time,
  and all of the people some of the time,
  but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.

You can fool with another man's mind, but NEVER   
  fool with his heart.

You can get more water out of one deep well than a thousand      
  shallow ones.

You can lead a child to wisdom but you cannot make him THINK!

You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at
  the tracks.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the
  back.

You can't appease a crocodile by feeding it.  You will only       
  give it an appetite!

Your karma just ran over my dogma.

Xerox never comes up with anything original.

!praw notivarg ralucitrov citengamortcele ytiralop-esrever       
  rettamitna na ni deppart m'I !pleH