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The Guilds
The Guilds are the backbone of Ankh-Morpork. Despite the City Watch, they are the main source of law and order, to the extent it exists in Morpork.
There are in excess of 300 guilds in the city, the precise number fluctuates constantly.
There are two main clusters of Guild Buildings, one on the Corner of Filigree and Widdershins Broadway, the other is the Street of Alchemists. The Filligree street map is in the works. Please remember that on Discworld Maps read Hubward, Rimward, Widdershins and Turnwise instead of North, South East and West.
Following are some of the recorded guilds.
The Alchemists' Guild
Motto: OMIS QVIS CORVSCAT EST OR.
Located on The Street of Alchemists.
Current President: Thomas Silverfish
The Alchemists' Guild is quite probably the most hated in the city. The Alchemists' pursuits of the elixir of life, the philosophers stone, or the basic lead to gold trick, leads to an awful amount of explosions and chemical pollution. They have a tendency to be quite unhelpful, to the Watch in particular. This is not always intentional, sometimes you just end up talking to someone who's tried a few too many exotic fungus or inhaled too much mercury fumes. Further note should be taken of the animosity between the Alchemists and the Wizards, who regard each other as dabbling facades.
The Guild building itself is being constantly rebuilt, as it is being constantly blown up.
The Assassins' Guild
Motto: NIL MOTRIFI, SINE LVCRE
Located in near the Palace.
Current President:
The Assassins' Guild is a large dark building. It's members are gentlemanly if anything (aside from killers). The Guild itself is full of metaphor. An example of this is the Guild clock tower chimes after the other Guild clocks had finished, a statement to all that one day there may be an assassin behind you. They never kill someone without a price on their head. To do so would be extremely bad form. They also prefer to kill their targets up close, adding that personal touch that you wouldn't get from common murderers.
The Assassins' Guild often proves to be a problem for the Watch. When inquiries have to be made, the Assassins' Guild put up possibly the toughest struggle of all. They maintain that Guild business should stay that way, valuing their privacy and customer confidentiality over all else.
The Bakers' Guild
Located near the Palace.Current President: Unknown
The Bandit's Guild
Location impreciseCurrent President: Unknown
The Beggars' Guild
Motto: MONETA SVPERVACANEA, MAGISTER?
Located on the Rimward end of Sheer Street
Current President: Queen Molly of the Beggars
Her face covered in warts (some of which have warts on them) and sores, her hair carefully moulded to look like the result of having a drowning cat as a hairbrush. She is none the less an intelligent person, as would be expected of a Guild President. The only drawback is that as Head Beggar, she is required to ask for nothing less than a small mansion or the cash equivalent.
Ankh-Morpork's oldest and richest Guild. The Beggars' Guild predates the current Guild system by over 100 years. The Guild teaches and cares for many types of Beggar, including Droolers, Dribblers, Demanders of a Chip, Mutterers, People who need Eightpence for a Meal and Foul Ol' Ron to name a few. Foul Ol' Ron is considered by his peers to be quite unique, and so gets a niche to himself, preferably at a polite distance.
Some of Ankh-Morpork's well known Beggars are: Foul Ol' Ron, The Duck Man, Coffin' Henry and Arnold Sideways. For more information on them, see the Ankh-Morpork page.
The Butchers' Guild
On the Street of Alchemists
Current President: Unknown
The Conjurers' Guild
Motto: NVNC ILLE EST MAGICVS
Located outside the Rim-Turnwise corner of the Unseen University grounds.
Current President:
A rather small Guild, resulting from there being no professional Conjurers. The members have a tendency to be of the larger, more jovial persuasion, and conjure as a hobby. They are always accompanied by a female aide in a sparkly outfit. It should be made clear however, that Conjurers do not use magic in any way.
Conjurers are very popular in Ankh-Morpork, except with the Wizards, who are irritated by the Conjurers obliviousness of what the Wizards see as their true place.
The Guild of C.M.O.T. Dibblers
Located wherever Dibbler is.
Current President: Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler
For more information on Dibbler, see the Ankh-Morpork page.
Ankh-Morporks smallest Guild. Membership is one mister Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler. Presumably as some form of tax dodge. The laws concerning Guilds were changed after Mister Dibbler successfully applied to prevent anything like this happening again.
The Dog Guild
Not an official Guild, as it is hard for dogs to get to see the Patrician. The leader is known as the Chief Barker, and all its members are strays. The guild controls such things as scavenging rights, howling rosters and such.
The Guild was instigated by Big Fido (believed deceased) during Men At Arms. It is unclear who is running the guild now, or if ti fell apart after it's creators disappearance.
The Embalmers' Guild
AKA: Guild of Embalmers and Allied Trades
Motto: FARCIMINI
Located on the Street of Alchemists.
Current President:
One of the few Guilds to practice most of it's business inside its Guild building. The Embalmers Guild also incorporates, as the title suggests, other similar fields such as Undertaking and Grave Digging (which obviously is one of the practices performed outside Guild property). The Embalmers' Guild is one of the few with true international links. Many Guilds will instantly feel a kinship with a foreign equivalent, while at the same time hating them.
The Engravers' Guild
Motto: NON QVOD MANEAT, SED QVOD ADIMIMVS
Located on the corner of Short Street and Long Street.
Current President: Unknown
The printing laws of Morpork state that books and such are to be either copied by hand (there are many copying shops) or engraved one page at a time. The reason for this being the Wizards are the main customers of such places and have certain views on the power of words.
The Guild consists of a small group of men with the technical skill (in their craft) of a genius, but the imagination of a small burnt pancake. There are many non-Guild engravers in Ankh-Morpork. It is often speculated as to how long this will last.
The Firefighters' Guild
A short lived Guild. So much so that it did not develop either a motto or a coat of arms. Initially instigated during the Dragon incident of Guards! Guards!. The idea being that those who paid the Guild would have their services should their home catch fire.
Unfortunately, in typical Morpork fashion, this lead to Guild members setting fire to the property of those not paying their fees or refusing to join.
The Fools' Guild
AKA: Guild of Joculators and College of Clowns
Motto: DICO DICO DICO
Located near the Palace.
Current President: Dr.Whiteface
White face paint with thin black lips and eyebrows being the only features. Wears a white cone shaped hat and plain white clothes. A unnerving man to be around all in all.
The Fools Guild is an old closed up building. Inside it's members are taught traditional forms of humour that no-one has found funny for centuries. Custard pies, whitewash and bladders on sticks are prominent. The Fools are usually morbid and depressed as a result.
One important aspect of the Fools' Guild is the Hall of Faces. Inside of which the face-paint design of every member in it's 150 year history is recorded. Each face is painted onto a blown egg. Every member has a different face, and would not dream of using another's design, although occaisionally a basic design is passed down to family members.
One of the more prominent graduates of the Fools' Guild is King Verence II of Lancre.
The Gamblers' Guild
Motto: EXCRETVS EX FORTVNA
Located in the Street Of Alchemists.
Current President:
All members of this Guild are Professional Gamblers. The Guild itself maintains and regulates rules on how to acceptably cheat at varied games of chance. It also regulates how much a member may take from a non-member. This is due to a train of thought which goes roughly along the following lines: "Once bitten, twice shy, so nibble but don't bite."
The Haberdashers' Guild
Located on the Street Of Alchemists.
Current President:
The Handlemens' Guild (defunct)
This guild existed during the brief period covered in Moving Pictures. A Handleman was the man who turned the handle on the clickie cameras
The Lawyers' Guild
Research is underway.
The Merchants' and Traders' Guild
Motto: VILIS AD BIS PRETII
Located near the Palace.
Current President:
One of the newer Guilds in Morpork. It's primary purpose of late is one of public relations. They hire thugs to beat anyone who slurs Morpork to a pulp. This is due to their knowledge of the money that comes from overseas, and the tourists attached to it.
The Musicians' Guild
Motto: ID MVRMVRATIS, ID LVDAMVS
Located in Tin Lid Alley, near the corner of Baker Street and God Street.
Current President:
The Musicians Guild is rather special in terms of Ankh-Morpork Guilds. It's sole purpose is to terrorise and extract large sums of money from it's members. It should be stated here that it is considered compulsory that every musician should be a member. A non member found playing would soon find themselves incapable of doing so again.
The Plumbers' Guild
AKA: The Guild of Plumbers and Dunnikindivers
Motto: NON ANTI SEPTEM DIES PROXIMA, SQVIRI
Located on the Street of Alchemists.
Current President: Sir Charles H. Lavatory
As Ankh-Morpork does not have a working sewer system, the main purpose of the Guild members is the digging of cesspits. Most of Morpork's drinking water is brought in from the mountains, but some is still gathered from wells, which are also dug by these men.
The Priests', Sacerdotes and Occult Intermediaries Guild
Location is imprecise.Current President: Unknown
The Seamstresses' Guild
Motto: NIL VOLVPTI, SINE LVCRE
Located on the corner of Sheer Street and Treacle Mine Road.
Current President: Mrs.Rosemary Palm
Guild that protects the second oldest profession in the world. The first being flintknapper. Seamstress is the Ankh-Morpork way of politely talking about prostitution. It is often heard on the streets "Her? She's a seamstress, hem hem."
The Smugglers' Guild
Located on the Ankh Bridge (Turnwise) side of Monkey Street, The Shades.Current President:
The Strippers' Guild
Motto: NVMQVAM VESTIMVS
Location imprecise
Current President: Miss Dixie 'VaVa' Voom
President for life. Miss Voom is a retired stripper that still occasionally teaches. As she says 'It's not what you've got, but what you do with it.'
The important thing to remember here is that most of the members are human. None are dwarfs, this being because they don't see the point (As yet. The dwarf culture is going through upheaval at the moment.). There are a few troll members, but seeing they generally go around naked anyway, they actually put clothes on as the performance continues.
The Teachers' Guild
Located near the Palace.Current President:
The Thieves Guild
AKA: The Guild of Thieves, Burglars and Allied Trades
Motto: ACTVS ID VERBERAT
Located on the Street Of Alchemists.
Current President: One of the most essential Guilds to the maintenance of order in Ankh-Morpork. It is given an annual quota which represents the acceptable amount of takings from muggings, pickpocketing and other such crime. In return they make sure that no non-guild theft takes place, using rather fatal methods more often than not.
This works extremely well. A citizen can pay for a permit which exempts them from any applicable crime for the allotted amount of time. Some families arrange to be burgled at the beginning out of the year, so their quota is stolen in one go and they can then walk the street without fear (thieves aside, still a daft thing to do).