If I were in charge of things around here!

All of us have our fantasy lives, some of us wish we were super heros or anti-heros, some of us wish we were smarter, and some of us would be satisfied simply sleeping with our neighbors wives. But hey it takes all kinds, who am I to judge?

Myself? I only have one simple fantasy, that's all just one. You know what I want? Omnipotance... I personally think it's about time I was allowed to run things around this shitpile we call a planet.

This is simply my opening statement, if you people agree with me then by all means do what you can to ellect me as one of the world leaders...


#1 Castrate everyone who's ever been on Mtv. It's not particularly constitutional... but hey what is these days?

#2 How will I stop crime? Two Words "Public Floggings"

#3 Keep a particle beam about the width of a pencil aimed at the members of the supreme courts collective groins... that oughta keep their minds on their friggin jobs!

#4 If you pretend to advocate antisocial behavior ( Marlyn Manson or almost any Gang rapper) shed not a tear when it comes back and bites 'em in the ass. Or shoots them in the chest as it were...

#5 Speak your damn mind, if you have any tendancies of misleading or playing mind games it's perfectly legal for people to request that I come to your home and vivisect you!

#6 I plan on rounding up every member of the Rolling stones, the remaining members of the Greatful Dead, and even Aerosmith and have a big burly guy kick each of them in the ass untill they submit to the fact that they are WAY too old to be touring anymore. Seriously Mr. Richards... sit down before you fall down.

#7 All Female folk singers must pass a test to assure their lyrics differ from each other and aren't all complete crap (Otherwise known as the "Jewel prevetion test") and are required to have a 2000 calorie a day diet at least. (Known as the Fiona Apple law)

#8 Leonardo Dicaprio is to be shot on sight, hooked up to a life support system until he's recovered and then be promptly shot again this process will be repeated untill he's been shot once for every ticket sold to Titanic.

#9 You are all to stop sending money to evangelists, Psychic friends, Save the Children foundation, and Sally Struthers.

#10 I want Quentin Tarantino's ear ripped off and doused in Gasoline and threatened to be lit on fire as a reminder of the only good movie he ever made.

#11 As an addendum to my previous statement I want him kicked in the crotch as revenge for subjecting the American people to "Jacky Brown".

#12 I'd like a formal apology from Mike Eisner for stealing the plot for "The Lion King" From "Osama Tsuka" and then I want one for The Mighty Ducks Series, The Big Green, And almost every single live action movie the Disney corporation has ever put out.

#13 Create a holliday dedicated to laughing at the "Heavens Gate Cult"

#14 The next person to make a 1st person shooting game. (Doom, Quake, Duke Nukem etc...) is to be wrapped in tin foil and microwaved.

#15 I want whoever created Laura Croft to be shot stuffed and mounted over my fireplace.

That's all I can think of for right now... I'm sure I'll think of more later.