The week I spent with Larissa and Bridget this summer was filled with Daria, noxious Varathane fumes, and lots and lots of MST. So much, in fact, that, while we were still pretty tipsy from the fumes, Larissa got it in her head that, since we had quite a lot of empty space this issue and were too lazy to do anything about it, the only solution would be to fire off a letter to TimmyBigHands (www.timmybighands.com) requesting an interview with one of them. Fortunately, despite the fact that she portrayed me as a righteous, dorky hick and Bridget as annoyingly professional, the letter was just weird...er..."enthusiastic," enough to catch the eye of a certain writer/actor. A Mr. Kevin Murphy. And as pathetic as it may sound, one of the happiest moments of our young lives was when we received the email from him saying that yes, he would grant us an interview. I could go into details about how, upon reading it, I ran screaming through the house and wound up slamming into my parents' bedroom wall, while they both went into hysterics and spent about 5 minutes in the manner of rabbits who have suddenly and miraculously learned how to scream "Oh my God!" repetitively and grin like total idiots, and how I called Rissa and Bess and spent 15 minutes shrieking incoherently at each other like loud, obnoxious animals of some sort, but I'll spare you the gore and we'll get to the good stuff.
American Isis: Have we mentioned how ecstatic we are about this? Uh, I guess so... Anyway, first question. Which movie was the absolute worst pile of dingo's kidneys to sit through?
Kevin Murphy: Worst Movie, most decidedly at the moment, Coleman Francis' "Red Zone Cuba." Not only was it inept and turgid, but hateful. You should find it and see the scenes we cut out. We almost didn't do it. However, in these days of movies like "Seven" and "The Blair Witch" I am certain that Coleman will be viewed as a visionary of lothesome character and violence towards women.
AI: So, how did you pick the demure title "TimmyBigHands.com" from such potential winners as "I-Love-Jazzercise.com" and "We're-the-People-Who-Used-to-do-Mystery-Science-Theater-3000-Please-Send-Us-Money.com"?
KM: Timmy truly came out of the blue. All the other words in the English language were taken.
AI: And you definitely didn't want to bring German into this. But I suppose we shouldn't poke fun - that's basically the way our zine's title came into being... Okay, we have a bet going on this one. Is it a giant cockroach or a rat that scurries between doors six and seven during the door sequences?
KM: Toolmasters Jeff Maynard and Patrick Brantseg fashioned a little "bug" of sorts out of a toy and pulled it across the doorway. Delightful.
AI: Dammit, I'm going to have to be Robin's slave-for-life now. Heh-heh, next question: What is "Timecode", anyway?
KM: Timecode is the SMPT convention for uniformly addressing the number of frames in a second of video. It is also how the Visitors get inside our heads and send us messages from beyond the cosmos.
AI: And did the MST3K fanclub eventually get enough pop psychologists to call itself a support group?
KM: I believe that when Deepak Chopra finally breaks down and admits his love for MST, we will have enough.
AI: Speaking of "great thinkers", well, we're kind of wondering: what is the meaning of life according to Gypsy?
KM: Quoting Gypsy's words to Tom Servo, "I don't get you."
AI: Hmm...well, which episode of MST3K was, in your opinion, the most difficult to produce?
KM: I'm afraid I don't know the episode number, but the one in which Leonard Maltin appeared had to be shot two ways; one version was shot without Leonard, in case he had to back out. Then we sent Mike, Mary Jo, Editor Brad Keely, and Line Producer Peter Rudrud to LA. Our new Network boss wouldn't spring for our photographer Jeff Stonehouse to go out, so we had to use an LA-based union shooter, so we came back with Union-quality video, which is to say it looked like shit.
AI: Ah. So, how is Servo such a chick magnet if the only females he's ever really come in contact with are Gypsy and Pearl?
KM: Actually, Servo had a brief, fiery romance with a blender. Other than that, he's a chick magnet because:
1. He is handsomer than Ethan Hawke, and
2. He's the wind, baby.
AI: We couldn't agree more. On the topic of Servo, just how many [Tom Servos] did you guys go through in the show's run? i.e., how many got totally demolished doing special effects, accidentally sat on, etc, etc...
KM: At the end of the run, we had each and every Servo ever used, including the original from KTMA, in one form or another. Good thing about your Servos, you can just glue 'em back together.
AI: Well, on to your other character on the show. Is Professor Bobo based on Dr. Zaius from "Planet of the Apes"?
KM: Very loosely. As it turned out "Professor" Bobo evolved into the ravenous crap-flinging tick-infested buffoon you see today, not terribly professorial. But as he lost his dignity, he gained the love of viewers like you.
AI: What's it like being the human behind the famous characters you play? Are you very much like them?
KM: Indeed, they are characters. I brought only my worst qualities to them. Any good qualities you saw were simply acting.
AI: Okay, weird question: what was the name and description of your childhood blanket?
KM: I had no childhood blanket or particular transitional device. I enjoyed the warmth of my older brother's continual beatings instead. That should explain volumes about me.
AI: When you were a kid, did you ever envision yourself in the kind of work you're doing now? If not, what did you think you were going to do?
KM: When I was a kid, I was constantly in trouble for breaking up the class with my farting around. But I always had an audience. I killed in Third Grade. Fifth Grade audiences were tough, but Sixth Grade really put me on the map.
AI: So, did you have any imaginary friends as a child? If you did, what were they like?
KM: No imaginary friends, but a lot of imaginary enemies. I drew a lot of cartoons and made stories behind them. I read the encyclopedia cover to cover.
AI: You seem to be the most musically inclined of the group. What are your favorite types of music?
KM: For pop bands, recently I have to say that Rage Against the Machine and Limp Bizkit (though they scare me). They have a LOT of passion. I had a musical epiphany of sorts while working at a punk club in the eighties, so I listen to a lot of early punk. I have been wearing the grooves off some disks by Krishna Das, and Jai Uttal and his Pagan Love Orchestra--It's ecstatic chant music from India, London, and LA. Some of my enduring favorites are the Chieftans, The Pogues, Miles Davis, and John Coltrane,
Neil Young, Iggy Pop, Steve Earle. My Musical Hero, beyond any doubt, is Ry Cooder.
AI: Cool. But that still leaves us mystified as to how, in "Gunslinger," you could have possibly made "I Shot the Sheriff" even more irritating than it already was. Speaking of which (sort of), might we inquire if another MST3K movie or anymore movie specials (where you slam trailers and clips from new releases) are in the works? TV has just gone downhill since you guys left.
KM: Thank you. You never know about MST. The level of demand will dictate whether there is more original MST or not.
AI: We demand it! Well, Robin's asked this next question to everyone she knows ever since she saw the Daria episode "Mart of Darkness," so here goes. What's your favorite kind of cheese?
KM: Parmegiana Reggiano rools.
AI: Okay, last one's coming up. What question have you always wanted to be asked by a fan, but never have been? And the answer?
KM: The question: "Hi, I'm God. You made me laugh and you didn't hurt anyone. Would you like to come in?" The answer would be yes.
Thanks to Satellite News for the awesome picture.
Get into someone else's mind
Oooh...that's a creepy thought...
