It's hard to start writing again after I stopped for so long. I had my second interview for Country Meadows. I have my shadowing for it tomorrow evening, which I am very excited about! I really need some money, especially with school coming to an end.

2nd Layout on this journal. I am just far too fickle for my own good. I think its because I only seem to get comments from Brandon. Thanks Brandon! I wish others would comment, but I just dont think they know they don't need a website to comment. All you need it to click the comment link and type away!

So much has happened since my last post that its hard to say everything that occured, even harder to put it in chronological order. There were a lot of fights with my parents, including one that ended physically. The shame was more painful that the bruises that still show. I put things like that behind me and move on. Plenty of prom preparations such as getting the dress and tux, and trying like hell to figure out what is going on afterwards and if I am going to host a preferably drug-free hotel party.

I also saw my friends Erin, Britt and Chad! I was so happy! They are so tall, there must be something in the water on the other side of the river! Britt and Erin are so pretty, wow. I hope we can do something ASAP like the good ol' days before we moved away from the lovely Central Dauphin area.

Anything left mentioning is right here:
Go Team Saturn is out to get us!
Ignoring Stacy
School is way too butt-fucking early
The Punisher is an excellent flick.
I still really like cereal!
I wish there were more Minge-heads I could yell at.
The Daily News is the best invention ever.
I'm pregnant.Oh wait, that's not true.


And of course, how can I even think of dismissing James! From dates to off roading on Tower Rd, I've spent most of my waken hours with James. Yes, I have fallen for him. We had a conversation about how close we have become in the past month or so. He had told me that he never felt the tiniest bit of anxiety when with me, and I realized the same. The only time I ever felt the tiniest bit nervous when I was with James, and that was when I was being flung around his truck when we were on Tower Road. That is beyond amazing.

That boy is beyond amazing. I was intimidated of love, of dating for a couple months. The thought of holding someone does not daunt me. I see myself as so flawed, so terribly scarred that the words could never escape from my lips, unless they were a false pretence or out of impulse. How sweet it is, he said...how sweet it feels. The inner happiness, even when we are apart holds tight to my body.

But the words escape me when I am with him. Why can't I murmer the words I've been dying to say to him for what feels like eternity? It collects in the back of my mind, ordering me to say those three words. I refer to it around my friends as the inescapable "L-word," the word that can never completely escape into the air. I know he would not judge me, but I know it may make him feel he must say it back. It would make my heart soar to hear he felt the same, but if he is not at that level with me yet, I can understand. But sometimes I think maybe he is feeling the same, but afraid that I will not say anything in response.

But I am oh so content regardless if that word is not exchanged. <3 It's an uncomplicated thing, that makes me feel unimaginably happy.