A Naughty Little Poem
She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."
She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore."
It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.
"Calm yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in."
"It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."
And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while."
Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!
Horseplay in the Poolroom
Hey, wanna play a little eight-ball? Let's go. Put your money
where your mouth is. You scared? You oughta be.
I'm gonna beat your pants off. Literally -
cause I wanna see your skinny legs and
your cute little behind in those leopard-
skin boxers. Come on, big boy!
Time to put up or shut up
p s !
The Winds of Change
I am a thirty something.
I met a guy named Paul.
He really was delightful
in fact, he had it all!
He took me to a hotel
a lovely stately home
he looked at me seductively
switched off his mobile phone
We dined and he romanced me
bought me flowers and wine
then whisked me up the staircase
to room one ninety nine
Naked he did carry me
into the bathroom suite
he'd filled the place with candles
put down the toilet seat!
He placed me in the bubbles
and gave a sensual laugh
but the ambiance soon vanished
when I farted in the bath.
Big Bad Barbie
I've been considering what life's like for Barbie,
The bitch has everything she doesn't need,
A genuine living doll ... with baggage,
Prostituted for K-TEL's greed.
To represent less than five percent of womankind,
Yet still be a role model for the young,
Have a twelve-inch waist, forty two-inch bust,
Be spoilt, indulged and highly strung.
I'd be wanton to be like Barbie,
The pin-up of playful men,
Action figures vying for my affection,
And (after considerable effort) winning it ... now and then,
My company always sought after,
For camping, boating or horse rides,
The recipient of continual expensive gifts,
To ensure my presence at their sides.
I want to be like Barbie,
Accessorised to the hilt,
Handbags ... jewellery... shoes ... makeup ... clothes,
All provided free of guilt,
I want to be more flexible,
A Barbie with bendy elbows and knees,
Because mine are beginning to stiffen with age,
I'm becoming more robotic by increasing degrees.
I want to be a life-size Barbie,
But I've probably left my run too late,
By the time that I've finished with cosmetic surgery,
I will have passed my "use-by" date,
I could have all of the cellulite sucked out of my thighs,
And recycled onto my chest instead,
Lengthen my legs by eight inches,
But what would I do about my bloody head?
Although ... if I really was like Barbie,
I'd never enjoy another hearty meal,
Forfeit pleasures of the flesh,
Maybe I'd forget how wonderful good sex can feel.
I wouldn't have any nipples,
To tease, lick or suck,
I'd have a smooth crotch ... closed smiling mouth,
No luscious warm wet openings to ... fill (hmmm).
And if I truly was like Barbie,
Would you ever hear a word that I'd say?
Overwhelmed by my eye pleasing packaging,
Not renowned as an audio-visual display.
If I talked ... would you listen,
Value my opinions ... cling to my words?
A combination of intellect and beauty,
A disturbing Reality ... Don't be absurd
No need to fear a growling bear
Or a dark forboding stranger.
But all you women on this earth
Beware of one grave danger!
Times have changed from years ago
But still it's just as then.
Be on your guard and on the watch
For our enemy is.... MEN!
There are many of them in the world,
Different, yet they're all the same.
How often has one said "I love you",
Then next week forgets your name?!
Where do they get the lines they use?
"Do you come here often?" "Beautiful eyes!"
It may sound good to hear them talk
But we know they're full of lies.
Make sure to watch for subtle tricks
Like "Loosen up, have a drink."
You'll know what his true motives are,
If you have the time to think.
You'd think they'd change as they mature,
Since wisdom comes with age.
But truthfully they never do
Outgrow that youthful stage.
The world would be a better place.
Without men. But still I doubt
That I would be much happier because
"Can't live with them....or without.