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Conclusion: Suicide

Lyrics and Stories By Sasha Goldner

You've Got To understand this is how I feel and nothing you say or do is going to change the fact I won't always be there for you.
For years and years i'm writing these stories. this pen cuts my hand and tears the skin my fingers bleed like i've spilled paint these all
are untrue and you've caught me-red handed i try to work out our problems but they're all unsolved mysteries we keep on and on we can't agree you won't
give me time of day i dont know about the night 'cos i can't stay awake i pass out too quickly from the poisons we can't measure neither goes down slow
it makes me go down fast and it makes me feel like there's a war in my head and when i wake there's an
encore going on and neither side had won so weep for my children because they'll inherit me but some nights they'll lie awake and hear my voice from a faraway room i may be gone but i'm still singing to you.


Please, Please, Be Here When I Wake
When the night wears the moon
and when that moon is bright as the sun
Living the night, hungover from your love
And i drank your tears like drinks from brown bottles
People, you and i just want to live
just want to live together
just want to love together
and i want, just want, to be with you.

Wait For The Story To Come
Seems like they all find out soon enough and they will retell the stories that i started and they will never want to forget such gigantic things will come your way, yes they will, but you can always remember, and you will never forget, no matter how hard you try, this story that i tell you're born and then you die theres no going around it but when your born you'll always have something with you through your life and through all your lies. through all the rooms made of mirrors and her breath made of heat. you'll always hold onto yourself and if you let go i will be there, i will be there to catch you. all through your life you'll always have the love that i give. and i will never take it back and i will never say no. Like the absent God you said would save, like his child you would never release, like the symbols, and money and lies, and wrong turns, and wrong paths, you never pushed aside. like the ones who did you wrong, the ones who made you cry, the ones you always had to fight you never stepped back. you and i will forever watch this city made of lights and lost love and we will build our own lights, we will construct our own skyscrapers, your hair will be the night and body the dirt so write this down, start taking notes, the story just began and you can fill in the cracks. Now you're staring into the clear mirror of a camera and you're speaking to the world, but no one listens. your eyes will dart from side to side but there is only one pair you need gaze in and if you do, if you ever do, if you ever can, finish this story on your own


You Can't Gain my respect with all these lies you eject
I've been hurt by this before and time and time again so now i know what to expect.
but you can't gain my respect with all these lies you continue to eject.
So i'll turn up this bottle and start to change before your eyes.
this boy i am will never be a man and thats why this scared child cries.
you've told me things before i love to hear.
then someone tells me all the things i fear.
if i could change for the better i would.
i want to change, i really think i should.
And doing it myself is a cowards way out.
it doesn't mean its not something i haven't thought about.
But I won't cos i've seen too many people take it away from themselves
sometimes life feels like stacking empty pages onto empty bookshelves.
then i cry and i fill these empty pages with salty water.
with my head in my hands my brow gets hotter and hotter.
and i try and try and try to listen to the things you say.
then i find myself looking at you in a different way.
so i cower under the clouds and moon.
cos i know my day is comin' soon.
and i don't wanna go
but theres one thing you gotta know
even after all the lies you give me
you need to love me, and thats the way it's gotta be.

My Arms Unfolded
I whimper and whine, and I sing and I cry
but you'll laugh and you'll dance
You'll two step, all over my grave
Two Step and three step and four
kick up the dust that covers my head
I can't smile, for the pictures you take
I'll stand in the rain
like a depressed little fake
I won't say a word, but i'll sit
and i'll stare, and i'll
unfold my arms, and open up
I'll tell you the things
I've told no one else
you're a friend to end all
friends, you're a love
of my lifetime, and everyone
else's,
but you'll sing when i'm dead
you'll laugh when i'm sick
if you're words repeat themselves
i'll know what to say
'cos i'll work it all out
and i'll unfold
my arms, and i'll let
you in


You've Got Me Confused With Someone You Love
What's this thing, you've got to break, breathe
You've got to go, you've got to leave
But dont give me space, dont give me length
dont give me hope, and please oh please dont give me strength
i can't repeat myself cos i can't talk no more
my minds an ocean with no shore
and we'll lay and we'll rise and fall at the same
time, you'll rise and never fall, you'll bring me shame
so this girl rises and rises and will never come back
the things she adopts, shes under attack
while i look out my window, and i see the light
blue and red, the color of blood, and a miserable sight
what a miserable night
what a miserable life
and they shear her skin, they collect her being
all this time, the things she hasn't been seeing
the affair she missed, she deserted
the loss, they averted
now that you're here, now that you see
come fall with me


Paint Me Anew
There's red clouds on the treeline that i dont understand
there's the thoughts you think that i dont comprehend
there's rain comin' down on the hair you run your fingers through
you're the one that i will no longer pursue
i can't listen to this record one more time
i can't take all the faking and the bland rhyme
you can sing, you can sway
but you do it in the worst way
i just want a snug little coffin
where my new life can really begin
this is the time, when you lay your head on my chest
all it turned into, and i needed was rest
your hair left me this burn
i tried to tell you, but it was none of your concern
you left a mark on me, and you didn't mind
you said, i wish you were my kind
track in dirt, and dont wipe your feet
youre the proud, the few and the elite
you're the only one, to ever break my heart
where you conclude, is where i will start
"I love..."

The Coldest Day Of The Year
On that colder winter day
Where the trees are naked and bare
I'll watch the little children play
They ride in circles, without a care

The older ones laugh and fight
watch them fall, watch them get dirty
they'll be out until the first of night
Their parents cry, and they will 'cos they're hurtin'

The wind blows strong
And the cold bullets sting
This will go on all dark long
Noone can tell what morning will bring

As my father walks down the hall
to find me staring out onto nothing
while onto the floor i'll fall
Angry drunken songs i have to sing

I Can't stand, but to lay here
I can't stand, but the wait
well the wait, it'll hide the fear
which will cover up the hate


Looking Through Broken Glasses
apple's fall, from the wrong tree
this is the orchard from the back of the farm where everythings dark, and nothing is bloomed
the farmhouse is miles away, where the paint is thinning inside the doors, the wallpaper crumbles
There's holes in the glass, theres dirt on the floor There's hair in the sink, with leftover soap
upstairs there's a crib and a blanket and a bottle of milk and dirty old sheet
there's a baby that's weeping for his mother who's inches away
who's miles away she will never say true, she will never wait there
She will give up and when she gives up
he's lost his will to fight but the worst, the worst thing of all
this farmhouse is burning, and so is the barn and so is the field, and so is the orchard
the baby is burning, the mother is up she hasn't given up, but she gave up on him
forget this fucking farm, dont try and save him he's gone, he'll always be gone

years and years later, i'll walk down a road
i'll walk down an old dirt road and i'll find this burnt down house
then there's a crib, then there's a bottle all are still burnt, all are still black
but their is no infant her rocking chair is gone
she gave up on him but i never gave up on myself


Let's Not Have A Falling Out
If God was a woman, you'd still be the most beautiful woman i've ever known.
what's wrong with my heart? you mended the split with the stitches you've sewn.
this bed can only fit one, but still you lay with me
you call on me and you never ask for an apology
everything goes your way, you can't complain
while a million moans run through my brain
and believe you me, i want this to go on
but i can only be fine if you don't go along


Count The Thought

The rest of the world moves except for this town the buildings are on stilts and the ocean is miles away kids I donít know go to a school down the road a place they need to escape street lights die out as a car flies by yellow lines on black tar laced with beer cans this is what its like to live in a town that never wakes up the future lives a few doors down in a run down house, piled to the ceiling with dirty old notebooks where the future scribbles and sings the pages are wet from the futures eyes and all i want to do is throw my old notebooks away i want to start this all over the notes about love that i donít understand you can't fall in love at only eighteen your mother and father are the only ones you really love and i don't know if i even love them Iím trying too hard to make something exist that really isn't there i can't show you invisible you will get a fraud well the headlines they read like a suicide note i haven't picked up a text in such a long time and Iíll never hang up first i always wait for you to go dead things i donít realize always get the best of me maybe you're giving them away maybe i'm just too stupid to understand but looking in a mirror can make you or break you and it just tears me apart i cant take the future anymore his face gives me chills the fake smile makes me hurt when i hear "Iíve never been happy." i'll tell that vampire reflection "that makes two of us"

I've been sad and miserable for a while. You cheer me up and Iíll try and cheer you up. When you look at my grief I cover it up with a smile. It didn't work For me I hope I have better luck The Things You Do To yourself the things you do to me none of that shit will help do them, if it makes you happy if I could change this face If I could just be the last I would. if I could leave this place but I cant. i can't get rid of the past Along The Lines of Everything I Thought I Had Being Yours Childhood Is Yours For The Taking This Is The Worst Part of Life I've Ever Had, I Never Considered It Before These Are Not My Years, I've Been Faking He Had a Son, Who Had A Father, That's My Grandfather Sorry Sir, I Don't Know How To Talk To You I Never Knew Him, Him Or My Mother I Just Want A Meaningful Connection, But We Both Refuse The Yelling And Screaming The Worst of it all Will Only Stop, In My Dreaming Right After I Fall I Cut My Hair For You, Painted My Face Chase Is My Life Pursuing You Is Part Of The Chase So Sit With Me. Tell Me Everything's All Right Coming Down Off A High I Never Got, Relapse These White Bland Walls Like A Hospital This Is A High School Romance So I'll Walk You To Class You Try And Tell Me Things That I Find Dull You Can't Break Me Down No Matter How Hard You Try Iím Here For The Follow This Is The Reason I'm Alive Twenty Fifth of September, Happy Birthday Mom Maybe You'll Never Go Through Pain Again I Hope You Can Forget Your Only Son You Thought I May Have Grown Up A Bit Since Then You Thought Wrong You Wanted Me To Leave That Immature Little Boy Is Not Gone The Greatest Thing You've Ever Seen I came into shit with help from my mother she tells me she loves me i tell her don't bother son by birth is all i'm ever gonna be truth is you raised me well one day i'll be a strong young man for some reason, i can only truly grow up in hell i tried to give back, but i can't. i hope you both can understand now i'm writing a letter after i fold up this paper i hope i'll feel better don't read what i wrote, just do me that favor no thanks, i depend on myself for religion i guess i'm what you'd call a believer i don't need to have a forced sin doing it for myself just seemed a lot cheaper tears are too hard to give my eyes are so dry they belong on a beach somewhere this is the one life i would choose not to relive i would try and fall in love, but i just don't care for real, we're all dying some a little faster than others i think i'm alive, but maybe there's something i'm not realizing maybe real living is gettin above those covers everything you think eventually turns into love 'cos home is where the heart is at home there's no one to touch so my heart is in a place i will not miss sorry but i'm gettin' too old to take all your tests you'll be feeding off us soon so we'll get some things off our chests we're growing and changing, just give us some room sight is my parallel that's behind my face that i can't see very well lucky me, i'm blind, it keeps my sight in good grace sometimes this world is too good for me i leave the door open expecting the worst the bad is all we want to see but the sun is still shinning bright out our curse drawn out of the planet of the brave where i'm told how to think and i'm told what to say if you wanted destruction, consider me on the brink the last thing i want is your suit future where coming home becomes redundant when the only thing crossing my lips is 'yes sir' if you want this for me, you really shouldn't i'm not all that overprotected one day i will go soft into that cold dead night and i'll go by myself, i wont be afflicted i'll have to apologize, 'cos i'll be going without a fight I will never lie to you in contradiction to what you say I'm More Scared Of Telling You How I Feel Than I Am Of Death This all will happen, all in one day I Never Knew The Space Between Birth And The End Could Be Such A Mess