My day was very weird. I was supposed to meet with Anne at 10:30 or 11 and she didn't get to my house til 11:30. Usually I'm used to her being late but I felt particularly apprehensive when she didn't show up after 11am. While me and Anne hung out we went to the mall and we in G&G checking out ober cheap stuff when I noticed a younger girl who looked like Stephanie hare. I don't know why it bothered me as much as it did. Are you supposed to feel guilty that someone you used to vaguely know died and their dying and death had more impact on you then when they were healthy? I don't know but I feel terrible. I prayed for Stephanie so many nights when I knew she was sick. Not because she was a close friend, but a fellow human being who was suffering. I hope that makes me a good person.
In other weird news, I had to drive home with my "check engine" light on all the way to school. I was afraid of losing control of the car or it overheating and blowing up before I could get out (I don't know what that warning sign means can happen). All I know is as I prayed to get over the Goethals bridge safely, I was consumed by guilt as I crossed it. There was a lot of traffic and a bad accident in the opposite direction on the bridge. Someone met a fate worse than me while probably driving a functioning car that had no warning light on it. As I rode over the bridge I noticed a lot of low flying planes. I've never noticed that many before. It got me to thinking about 9/11 and future attacks that might happen. Normally I'm the last person worried about terrorism -if it happens, it'll prolly strike so quick I wont have time to worry, so why live in fear now? But for some reason I was in this horrified state thinking about death all around me. To top weird things off, while I was driving on the turnpike I noticed a plane plummeting down with brown smoke coming out of the back. I thought this was another disaster but when I looked again later it straightened itself out. It was so strange though. Sigh. I cant handle so much heavy shit in one day.
I'm glad I got to spend some down time with the guys. I have to keep telling myself no matter how happy I am with Zack, that I have to not plan my life around him. This is difficult when picturing next semester if I chose to live at home. I love my parents, but a lot of things irk me when I'm at home for too many days at a time. I was hoping the weekends could be my escape from reality at least for the first 6 months of almost-real-world-experience. Ro says he prolly wont be around on weekends so it'd be nice to have some quality time with Zack each week, but the more I think about it the more selfish that is. He has friends and a social life too and I have to give him some space. Ha, listen to me, worried about something more than 6 months away... Eh, hopefully all will work out. Hes a great guy and I'm trying not to jinx things by planning too far ahead.
Geh thats about all I have the energy to report for now. What a strange, strange day. May my dreams be sweeter than my thoughts have been of late.