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Monday, 2 May 2005
birthday party
Now Playing: the profit$
Aight so lets get the immeadiately necessary out of the way. This past thurs was my bday, we had a party, specifically a wine party. The whole day was hectic getting ready for natl quals(which we lost btw). I decided i wanted to be very sauve and wear my hugo boss suit and bring to magnums of korbel champagne for the celebration. It was a fun party, but the whole confident power suit didnt quite work out as i couldnt wear it quite right. I finally figured it out by the next morning, eh live and learn. The party tappered early and a group of us left to hit the city bar. Kate hannon kept trying to get me drunk to hook up with me, i however was spoken for.
Side note about kelsey, earlier last week at practice when we all were discussing my b-day it came up that i was turning 19, she was frightened(she just turned 20), guess she thought i was turning 20. In any event, when i inquired about my birthday party later that week she said she was going out with her roommates, and i was like right.... so obviously the whole ordeal creeped her out a bit. In any event she showed up, albeit in a sweatshirt not done up, and said she intended to leave soon. She stayed all night and i ended up going home with her. (Another note, we continuously hook up less each time, as in first time totally naked progressing to last time fully clothed..)

Friday, skipped my first class, calc. Rested during the day while waiting for the concert that night. Mike scotty and I showed up at the terrace at 5 to get prime spots for the nights concert that had the profit$ and violent femmes playing for free. We brought a 5 liter bladder of franzia and travel mugs.
It was a good concert, i got too drunk, reminiscent of first semester. Ssturday was mifflin. We brought tons of liquor, 12 24oz cans of smirnoff ice in bags and went at it. I was dead tired by the end and ended up going home at like 10pm. overall a good last party weekend of the school year.

Posted by un/golb at 8:40 PM CDT
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Tuesday, 12 April 2005
Ive come to the realization that the more i do things, the better i do things, the less satisfied i am with how i do them and the more i worry about doing them. I first started thinking about this with how well im doing in school right now, essentially 3A's and a B. I think the thing about it is that what i do in real life never lives up to the vision i have in my mind. My vision is perfection, perfection unmatchable in reallife. In my mind i see myself flying off the starting line at a regatta, hitting every shift. Yet this weekend i was unable to do it perfectly, and despite the fact that i still won my division and we won the regatta, the victory felt empty. When i fail, i know i can do better so it doesnt bother, but when i succeed its scares me that maybe i can only do something so well. I can picture that house i want to build perfectly in my mind, but the second i try to draw it out or to place the spaces in my head, i hit a bit of a snag. Im kinda thinking i might like architecture right now (thank you ayn rand) but i feel like it might torture me to have this perfect vision, never to be erected.

Posted by un/golb at 5:16 PM CDT
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Friday, 8 April 2005
and im drunk
Muller said "I prolly shouldnt tell you this, but im drunk" he continued "I tried to go to bat for you with kels but she said "i have better options"". Damn if that doesnt hurt. Bed time for now but ill have more to say tomorrow. What hurts most is that i refrained from hooking up with miami girls this weekend for this. That and id never say something like that to somoene on the team about another member of the team... well maybe i would, but eh, im still going to have to be pissed at her for awhile to get over it. Fuck.

Posted by un/golb at 3:10 AM CDT
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Tuesday, 5 April 2005
crazy times in highschool
So i was talking to katie earlier, and we discussed how crazy highschool was. This got me to thinking about how we used to do so much insane shit and how we had such a cool relationship. Then at scottys, it kinda dawned on me that maybe thats the reason everyone is kind of breaking down at college. Katie has broken up with pete and is having sex with just absolutely shit tons of people while doing a fair amount of different drugs (nothing hard yet, i hope?). Pete has been doing ecstasy and other such drugs. Lara hates all the boys at ucsb and kinda wants to get out. Mike seems alright. Same with dan, but dan never tells me much of anything. I think the big problem is that in highschool we were insane, off the wall, whatever. once you get to college your supposed to really come out of your shell and go nuts, but we had already done it. The question then is where else do you go. What else can you do to be crazier and more independant than you were in highschool. I think that this has alot to do with the sheer quantity i drank first semester. I had to be wilder than highschool, everytime. In HS i occasionally couldnt remember a few details. In college all first semester i can never remember the end of the night and often more. It was me just trying to get out there and one up hs self. It really occurs to me how little the sailing team knows about me. They think im kinda crazy, but they have no idea. They dont understand that ive had so very much experience with the big landmarker experiences everyone talks about. Ive had a threesome, ive almost had an orgy, ive drank alot, ive had crazy parties, ive been naked with all my friends, had to deal with friends girlfriends wanting to get on me. They all view me as this freshman, with no experience, cause they have to. It's kinda the whole individualist paradox that they go into in the fountainhead. I know im experienced, i know ive been down these roads already, and as a result they have to say im inexperienced because otherwise they become irrelevant. The one area that im seriously not experienced in is this whole girlfriend thing tho, its scary, a path ive never beaten. Also, this whole already been there done that thing kinda plays into how i always end up hitting on/getting involved with older women. Ventresca (MUOH) was telling me this weekend that their team and especially her just dont even think of me as a frosh. Its weird. I dunno, all i can say is that im not a frosh, i pretty much have jr standing as far as credit goes and thats about how i feel. alright time to read the fountain head for awhile, this book is really getting to me, i mean ive always been an individualist but this is only bringing it out more.

Posted by un/golb at 11:02 PM CDT
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Monday, 4 April 2005
but im not that guy....
Mood:  suave
So i accidentally deleted this already, so to summarize. Weds, random girl who lives next door(short asian one i never see) comes into my room looking for movie. Stays an hour and a half and invites me to watch a movie with her, i say yes but postpone cause i cant say no to girls. In any event, thursday night roles around and im feeling like a pimp, ive got a prospect in kels and two girls who are in the barrell with random asian girl and kate. I showed up at the party thursday and started to attempt to hit on kels etc. She didnt seem to be having it, and i thought i had struck out. I decided to say fuck it and move on to back up kate. Then kels and andy decide to hit up a party across the street, i figured kels was very not interested in me. Then however, before leaving she leans over and whispers in my ear, "call me later". Mike heard it and was duly impressed. In any event the party thinned and kels and andy reappeared, it was then the 3 of us plus scotty and tristan. We resolved to boat race till the keg was killed and once it was killed we continued on with blatz. Upon arriving back at kels' she and i watched 7 brides for 7 brothers on tcm cause she loved it. We finally adjourned to the bedroom at 430am. We hooked up for awhile. Pants came off, for some reason her underwear remained on.. after fingering her for awhile she mounted me and started dry humping, it was quite pleasurable but i had to piss like a racehorse and aparently so did she so i doubt either of us really got much out of it. We then slept and woke up to her alarm at 8am. We talked for awhile and she/i made a point of maintaining physical contact, twas very nice. She also said one thing of note which was "i always get naked so fast with you". aparently shes not quite as promiscuos(sp?) as me. She called me later that day to report that she had yet another hickey, quite funny if i say so myself. We left for april fools at miami later on friday, with the fantastic crew of amy tom patty tristan and ben. It was sure to be excessively annoying. We arrived at the party at 11. It proved to be a big ego boost. Everyone there was asking if i was pickens and such and girls were coming up and introducing themselves. Aparently the miami girls/doug made quite a name for me. Unfortunately i didnt live up to that name quite as well as i could have as i was not all that drunk and was trying to refrain from hooking up on account of kelsey. The weekend was fun aside from tom being a bitch about "seniority" and getting ventrescas roomies pissed at us. We drove back sunday i broke my date with asian chick to watch a movie and crashed. Kels called at some point and i just finished returning her call, was quite entertaining. In the meantime im having a bit of a hard time coming to grips with the possibility of a girlfriend. Ive always been that guy who hits on your girlfriend, not the guy with the girlfriend. Usually i consider myself the guy girls wish they were dating at certain points cause im more fun/wild/whatever than their boyfriend. I dont really even know what to do in this situation, im not sure if i should ask her on a date, but i dont want her to think i just want to hook up with her or anything and oy.

Posted by un/golb at 9:13 PM CDT
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Tuesday, 29 March 2005
complex situations
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Gorillaz-Feel good, inc
Complex differs from complicated in that in a complex problem, the sum of all the parts does not equal the whole. My current situation is complex.

lefty7897: que paso chica?
joidekate: hola
joidekate: how was break
lefty7897: good, im fairly tan, how was yours?
joidekate: nice
joidekate: mine didn't involve tanning, but it was nice
lefty7897: where did you go, just home?
joidekate: yup
joidekate: i hung out with parents, friends, and looked for a car
joidekate: do you have any nice cars you want to sell for cheap? :-)
lefty7897: my sister is selling her saab...
joidekate: hmm... that sounds like it might be out of my price range
joidekate: oh well
lefty7897: haha, shes selling it for 10grand
lefty7897: im sure you dont want it tho
lefty7897: lol
joidekate: ooo, that is in my price range
joidekate: is it very old
lefty7897: its a '99 saab 9-3 with a 61,000miles
lefty7897: in any event, should that become something you would want, just give me a call
lefty7897: moving on, you should come to the party were having thurs
joidekate: i think i'll be there
joidekate: who's hosting?
lefty7897: kelsey
joidekate: i hear mn is going to be in town
lefty7897: not anymore, they cancelled on us today
joidekate: aha
lefty7897: should still be a fun party as always tho
joidekate: will you do a tequila shot with me?
lefty7897: hm, well i cant say no to tequilla, and i dont reckon i can say no to kate thus tequilla and kate im pretty sure i can do
joidekate: :-) good
joidekate: i can make it to the party then
lefty7897: haha, excelent
joidekate: so, i had this theory that if i took vacation for a week and didn't do any homework, i would be good about doing it when i got back to madison
joidekate: it turns out that now i'm used to not doing work
lefty7897: haha, and howd that work out for you?
lefty7897: yea same
lefty7897: i was like uhh see about this studying thing, i kinda wanna lay in the grass and nap
lefty7897: which i did monday
lefty7897: but couldnt do torday
joidekate: nice
joidekate: i need to get back to studying/watching law and order
lefty7897: alright
joidekate: do you want to grab lunch tomorrow?
lefty7897: good day
lefty7897: i would love to, however rob does not get to eat lunch wednesdays, i have class from 955 till 3
joidekate: aye
lefty7897: perhaps thursday?
joidekate: thursday is good - i'm finished at 11:50
joidekate: call me?
lefty7897: certainly
lefty7897: im out of class at 12:15 ill call you then
joidekate: good luck tomorrow
lefty7897: thanks
joidekate: bye
lefty7897: ciao chica

So, essentially i'm a sack of crap and keep trying to hedge my bets when its obvious im being forced to make a decision. Kate obviously wants to hook up(maybe more, but she is graduating..), however i want to do more with kels. This thursday the party is at kels' and thus its going to end up being kate hanging on me while i try and hit on kels. I forsee one of three situations which i presented to mags.

lefty7897: i know, well one way or another, at this party either robs gonna be happy dating kelsey with 23yo upset, happy hooking up with 23yo with kelsey sketched out, or at home alone cause im a pussy

only time shall tell, but right now it appears that i have to make a decision, and i think i know which direction its gonna go. im gonna be kicking myself late tho if this kels thing goes nowhere.

Posted by un/golb at 10:07 PM CST
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Monday, 28 March 2005
Mood:  rushed
This whole freshman year has just blown by me, i mean i know that when i think back on it, alot of time has passed, however it just feels like its all passed me by. I have the photos and memories but its scary. I'm quite happy that i have 5 years here otherwise i think this whole college experience would just blow by me without me noticing. Oy, anyways, gotta get back to the studying however felt the need to drop that line. Oh yea and the glencoe beach called home today to ask if i would come back and work for them again and said i had done an excellent job last summer which is always nice to hear. God, that seems so far away, last summer but i dont feel like ive been here long enough.

Posted by un/golb at 7:31 PM CST
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Sunday, 27 March 2005
holy havent updated
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: shins-chutes too narrow
So alot has happened. To begin with i went to rave. Pete mike katie devi and i went to a rave actually. Pete found it online and it had the sketchiest setup ever. We were supposed to drive to the parking lot of the bestbuy on north avenue. When we got there look for a car with green streemers. We found said car, bought wristbands and the guy told us to take two lefts and look for the grey steel door on the factory. Classic hardcore sketchy rave. I swiped a few adderall for mine friendsen and brought a pregame drink for myself. Once we arrived we found that the only liquor was a bar down the street. So i decided to make a run and load myself up. I hit the streets walked in ordered three rum and cokes, slammed them and then headed back to the rave. We were glow sticking and being sketchy and such. The liquor hadnt quite hit me so i bailed back to the bar. I decided i didnt want to spend so much money so i tried to find a liquor store-> me wandering old town for 30 minutes stumbling thorugh mud trying to hail a cab. This should have been the first tipoff htat i had had enough to drink. I decided i hadnt. Returning to the bar i ordered a double gin tonic and a beer. The gin tonic was at least half gin in a huge glass. I slammed both and headed back. From there things get fuzzy. From what i hear i got wayy too drunk and stumbled around and actually managed to fairly succesfully hit on some rave girls... surprising. I dont remember much other than calling rebecca like 60 times while i was en route back to beths. In the morning i woke up with this neon raver bracelet with a winking smiley face bead, presumably acquired from one of the many rave girls i was hitting on. It was a crazy night, and i really really fucking regret drinking so much.

Moving on to break-> bitter end yacht club

i love it there
i spent almost the whole time windsurfing and oggling women as i was at the end of the lenten no beating it. It was quite a bit of torture but worth it. Here, the pictures really speak for themselves so see the vacation shots if you have access to my photo website.

Now im trying hard to study for fucking math midterm and then going to get bloody marys at amys with some team folk.

alright long enough update, ciao

Posted by un/golb at 7:35 PM CST
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Tuesday, 8 March 2005
Fucking oy
Mood:  down
Now Playing: lifehouse-somewhere in between
Kels: so awkward question, did we have sex friday?
Me: uhh no
Kels: Okay i just dont really remember much from that night
Me: oh fantastic
Kels: *some bull*
Me: Anything else youd like to know about that night
Kels: uh no, but could you burn me that killers cd?(weakly)

I suddenly understand how one member of a couple can get pissed at the other for being drunk when theyre hooking up. I dont know why its such a big letdown that she remembers nothing, i just know it is. Im sure it has a little to do with that im coming down from adderall right now. I could just tell that if we had fucked the conversation was going to proceed with her asking if we used a condom and then if i had been tested recently pending responses. Currently, the formerly mentioned plan of attack is officialy no longer in effect. The whole appeal of the relationship was that it was so not awkward at the time and i felt like there were sparks etc, turns out it prolly was completely not awkward cause she was slaughtered(wasted). Who knows, all i know is right now my mood toward her is one of stoic pissyness ie, being perfectly kind but cold at once. In any event, there goes that daydream of a great relationship, oy.

Just got out of my Statics exam a minute a go, it never ceases to amaze me how i can be so confident going into the exam, be confident all through it, and leave and have no clue how i did. Its just soo many moderately complicated calculations piled on top of eachother, the odds of not making errors are slim. Its especially nerve racking with the adderall efects of me not remembering exactly what i did on each problem and adderall makes me nervous anyways.

Came up with some preliminary ideas from the preliminary fantasy of writing a book.

Devil in the details ideas:

Premise, a book about mathematics and religion, how math represents our strive for godlyness ie perfection

-Math is our attempt at perfection, it is only perfect however, in the absence of time.
-Heavens vs earth->perfection in space, the earth keeps absorbing all of our perfection
-underground exploration vs space
-Light vs dark, light is the essence of a point in space, no mass niether here nor there.
-Art and perfection
-created in gods own image-reverse art work, from an image to time affected
-two ways to become closer to godliness, budhist possesion ridding, and catholic construction
-all religion centers around not worshiping god but becoming closer to god.
-So much art is religious influenced
-god and death in war.

In any event, this song pretty sums up my attitude towards the whole situation right now

Somewhere In Between

I can't be losing sleep over this, no I can't
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, I'll have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz I'm wating for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cuz I'm wating for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

the song is a little exagerated for my current situation, but ive been up every night since the hookup thinking about this whole situation and what to do, ive missed my first class the last two days cause if tiredness, i never miss class cause of tiredness. The whole hoookup seemed like a dream, so fantastic, and now the reality has set in. I really wish i could just wake up tomorrow and have this thing figured out, however i really dont want to just leave it at this and forget it, but at the same time its like i really have just run out of patience with this whole thing. oy, time to actually do some studying for econ on thurs. just realized that if i wrote this much everyday for a book, i theoretically could finish in a year, of course its not quite that easy, but eh whatever.

Posted by un/golb at 8:13 PM CST
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Monday, 7 March 2005
POA-Plan of attack
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Baby I Love Your Way- Frampton, courtesy of family guy
So, as this is quickly becoming the kels blog, ill start off with some random shit.

First, prange seems to be getting very friendly, not sexual friendly but friend friendly, which is nice. I have a statics midterm tomorrow, :( and an econ midterm thursday :'(. It's gonna be a rough week, but the library is always fun... i swear. Skipped calc lecture this morning, which i hate doing but i was excessively tired and didnt feel like going at the time, of course i regretted it later but, eh, so it goes.

Anyways on to the poa with kels, ive decided since hooking up with her again this weekend would obviously be a little shady, and also would entail her most likely giving me head or something which would wreck my lent, its quite clear that ill chill, flirt with her, and abstain from hooking up with her until post spring break as im leaving next thurs anyways. easter is the last sunday of break, after that ill be pursuing her if i still think its a good plan, we'll see, plus ill be tan and bleached by then :). Also, the sisters are now coming for the wisco 3way regatta april 10th, this should get crazy, i guess i wont be naked boat racing at this party.

Posted by un/golb at 9:14 PM CST
Updated: Monday, 7 March 2005 10:25 PM CST
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