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10. The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Plot: Literary characters such as Captain Nemo, Tom Sawyer, Dorian Gray, and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde follow Sean Connery in his battle against "The Phantom." If you can get past the idiotic brawling and the out-of-place technology, the film still has a plot that is too far fetched to be enjoyable. What may have started out as an interesting daydream ended up as an unfathomable monstrosity. Those who enjoy the fight scenes probably won't understand the characters' backgrounds, and those who are versed in classic literature will loathe the film for the outrageous stupidity of the plot.
Quote: Last night, in search of an air-conditioned movie house, we were foolish enough to trust the movie reviewer for The San Jose Mercury who awarded 3 1/2 stars (out of 4) to Sean Connery's newest, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The reviewer said there is an intelligent story and characters with whom one could identify. Nonsense on stilts! It was a wickedly stupid movie, whose story made no sense and one could only root for the speedy annihilation of the "heroes" so the movie would be over sooner and one could emerge into the sweltering heat of a summer's night. (On the other hand, if you like seeing 600 deafening explosions, this is the movie for you.) Am I being clear enough?
Overall IMDB User Rating: 5.6
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 19%
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9. The Ice Cream Man
Plot: Gregory runs an ice cream factory. Somehow Gregory uses animals and children to make his ice cream. Need I say more? The plot of this film is almost nonexistant, but what is detectable is the psychological equivalent of nails screeching on a chalkboard. From the phony grinding of a dog to the psychedelic journey through a nuthouse, the only thing creepy about this movie is how bad it is.
Quote: What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said about the seventh circle of Hell? It has no redeeming qualities with the exception of being so mind-shatteringly awful that it actually goes all the way around to being funny. The acting is sub-par, if par is below "dead mouse" on the acting scale. The main character, Gregory Tudor, has the most grating, annoying voice in cinematic history. And what about the plot, you ask? This movie doesn't just have plot twists, it has plot knots. The majority of your viewing experience will be spent asking anyone present if they can understand what's going on. This movie blows.
Overall IMDB User Rating: 4.2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: NOT ENOUGH REVIEWS
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8. Eye Of The Beholder
Plot:
Quote: I don't usually waste my time on message boards for bad movies. But for this I must make an exception. This is the very worst movie I have ever seen. I will not discuss why and describe the "plot" in any depth as this would just be too painful. I can only hope that someone who was planning on renting this movie sees this post and changes their mind. Only then can I feel that I have done some good in this world. It is not even worth watching to see how bad it is and laugh at it. There is nothing to laugh at. There is nothing at all. Nothing...
Overall IMDB User Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 8%
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7. Jason X
Plot:
Quote: Just plain bad. I would not even suggest renting it if it were in the free section. Even if someone offers to loan you this movie, refuse.
It is horrible, with no value to it. Had some of the worst plot lines a movie ever came out with.
Overall IMDB User Rating: 4.9
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 18%
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6. Santa With Muscles
Plot:
Quote: Maybe your Mother-In-Law will think twice before coming back to your house next Christmas after you show her this "movie"...
Hollywood Hulk Hogan. A name synonymous with fake wrestling, baldness, and bad acting. Well, scratch the bad acting; Hulk's acting during a wrestling match is Anthony Hopkins-esque compared to the tripe in this "film", and notice I use the term VERY carefully.....
Overall IMDB User Rating: 1.9
Rotten Tomatoes Score: NOT ENOUGH REVIEWS
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5. Solid Geometry
Plot:
Quote: Oh dear. What exactly was this all supposed to be about? Just because something doesn't make sense doesn't automatically make it profound (or even interesting.)
Overall IMDB User Rating: 6.7
Rotten Tomatoes Score: NOT LISTED
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4. Baby Geniuses
Plot:
Quote: Not the kind of bad that makes you smile. This is numbing.
Man, this is one putrid piece of filth. Sorry, but anyone who can just let Baby Geniuses slide with some generic comment like, "What did you expect?" needs to evaluate how they watch movies. Those who saw this in theaters or rented it should be mad, because they lost 90 minutes of a very short life. BG is actually painful to watch all the way to the end. The plot is about intelligent babies who are kidnaped by an eeevil scientist who wants to win a Nobel Prize (I think). But since that would never ever EVER interest ANY child, the creators threw in some poo poo jokes, since, as everyone knows, that's what the kids today love. But wait, there's more! Adults can laugh when the main baby dresses up as John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever! Ha, remember that movie honey? Ah, how clever. Seriously, this entire movie is just a bunch of moments for the audience to choke on their drink and scream, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!"
Overall IMDB User Rating: 2.4
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 0%
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3. Kangaroo Jack
Plot:
Quote: Good movie if you enjoy throwing up...
Unfortunately, I was babysitting my young cousins, and I wanted to watch a movie because there was nothing else to do. I searched through the titles and found "Clock Stoppers", "Fools Rush In" and "Kangaroo Jack". I decided to watch "Kangaroo Jack", mostly because I hate teen movies and romantic comedies. Guess what? I now hate movies about talking CGI animals.
I have to admit, the first few minutes were okay. Bruckheimer seemed to want to put in a few of his trademark "chase scenes", which caused a little entertainment. Also, Christopher Walken appeared, so I was content.
It started going down hill (well, further down hill) when one of the characters has a dream sequence about talking kangaroos. After that, the 'quality' of the movie became so bad that I didn't know whether the whole thing was still a dream sequence, or whether I was dreaming - it made that much sense.
Overall IMDB User Rating: 3.3
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 8%
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2. Howard The Duck
Plot:
Quote: When this movie came out, I was 13 years old. Unbeknownst to me at that time, it would rate as one of worst movies of all time. However, at 13 years of age (an age where discriminate taste does not rank as a predominant trait) as I walked out of the theater (on Van Ness Street in San Francisco), I declared it a bomb.
I wonder if I were to happen to see it these many years later, drunk and with a group of drunk friends, would it be one of those movies that is so horrible, it's funny?
Actually, now that I look at the director's credits, and realized that he's directed, written, or produced virtually nothing else since, I feel kind of sorry for him.
Overall IMDB User Rating: 3.9
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 50%
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1. Jack Frost
Plot:
Quote: A slushy mess.
Christmas movies are a little like the little girl with the curl in the nursery rhyme. When they are good, they are VERY good (and I'm thinking about the original "Grinch", "A Christmas Story", "Nightmare Before Christmas", and so on). When they are bad, they're basically unwatchable.
And not only is "Jack Frost" a bad Christmas movie, it has also got "Jack" in the title.
I have a theory that, between this and that unbelievably wrong-headed, practically traumatic Robin Williams movie, any movie named Jack is going to hurt. Lots.
I knew this was going to be a long, hard time the minute I heard "Landslide" on the soundtrack. It's during the scene where the kid builds a snowman in his front yard. In memory of his father. His father (brace yourselves for a violent heart-string yanking) died on Christmas Eve.
"Ha ha ha!" I practically heard the movie scream at me, "are you crying yet? How about now???"
Ow.
But, no worries! For dad's going to be brought back to life AS THE SNOWMAN!!! Yup, the hero of this movie is a talking undead snowman. I tell ya, the parody value of this movie is off the damn chart.
I am going to leave "Jack Frost" now because I want to keep this review short and there are just too many things about this movie to make fun of. I do want to know how in the hell Henry Rollins ended up being associated with this thing.
Overall IMDB User Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 16%M
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