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Featured Article
(the one below, for those of you who couldn't figure it out, like todd.)



I Hate Cops


Officer #!$*# )*#*^#^



Actually, there's only one cop that I hate. His name is Officer #!$*# )*#*^#^. (That's a code, by the way. See if you can figure it out.) This bastard pulled me over. Yes, he did what cops are supposed to do. before I tell you why I hate him, I'll tell you why he pulled me over.

My official charges are Speeding (68 in a 35 zone), Failing to Come to a Complete Stop Before Turning Right on Red, and Reckless Operation of a Motor Vehicle in Excess of 30 Miles per Hour Over the Posted Speed Limit.

Take a look at that last one. It sounds mighty redundant to me. I was speeding, ok? Then I manage to get hit by another charge that amounts to "Speeding Too Much" or "Speeding More Than People Normally Speed." Don't try to tell me that this isn't the case. I wasn't driving recklessly (aside from the speeding). I wasn't weaving around or driving across the center line. I didn't blow any stop signs or red lights (well, technically, but fuck you). I didn't hit a dog or a pedestrian. No, I was driving normally, just faster.

While, in my opinion, that is something to be annoyed about, here's the kicker. This guy clocked me at 68 on a street some miles north of where I live. He proceeded to follow me down this street. Now, this was night-time, around 12:10 to be more specific, so I didn't see him. He didn't give me a woop woop from the siren or give me some lights, no. He followed me with just his headlights on, looking just like a normal car. Let me tell you, I also had to pee pretty bad, and I was late, so I wasn't paying too much attention to the cars behind me.

So, this guy follows me down the road a few miles, really around 3 or 4, at which point I "Fail to Come to a Complete Stop... yadda yadda." I'm on the street outside my neighborhood, and I see him turn the corner behind me. There's a little dim streetlight and I see the reflection of the shiny decals on the side of his cruiser. Oh fuck. That's right. I start to go maybe 30 in this 45 zone. At that point he knows that I know that he knows he was there and I know that he knows he saw me speeding but he knows that I know that he was following me, follow me? He turns on his lighty thingies, flashy flashy, and his bright-ass search-light/miniature sun, and I come to a stop a mere 20 feet from the entrance to my neighborhood. Don't we all love irony.

I thought at first that I was just in trouble for the whole not stopping thing, as he started to walk over, but then I remembered a car following me. All the way down the road. Multiple miles. Shit. So he does the whole "try to lecture me so he can feel good about helping a young person see the light of morality and good behavior" thing, and I recognize that he's been following me from about a half a mile out from my girlfriend's house. I live at least 5 miles from my girlfriend. Now, I know this because I peaked at around 70 just past her house on the main road, and I then coasted to the big light which is like 2 miles away itself, so he must have been at the one place where my speed topped out. The ridiculous thing is, if I'm speeding and "Reckless", then I'm officially a danger to society, right? I could be some crazy drunk man or a serial rapist. If there had been more than light traffic, or maybe a pedestrian, and I was this nutso guy, then I could have hit and killed them. In his whole "protecting and serving" did he stop to think that getting me on the most charges possible, while good for the city treasury, is not necessarily the most intelligent and safe thing to do? If I had killed someone, he would certainly be partially at fault, not that I'm saying it's ok to run someone down if a cop is following you. He could and should have stopped me before I could do anything more dangerous, as opposed to waiting to see if I would do anything more dangerous so I can get fined more. Does that make sense?

So anyway, I hate this guy passionately and stuff. He was an old bastard that wanted to teach me a lesson, and is now trying to get my license suspended, fucker. Plus my court date just got moved from this Friday March 4 to April 4, 2 days after I get back from Florida from spring break. That'll be a joyous time. Actually, it will, but coming home will suck even more. By the way, if you still care, the secret to the code involves counting the number of spaces from the left on the keyboard a letter is, then the symbol associated with that number. Enjoy. Email me if you figure it out so I can take it off so I don't get sued and stuff.





I Hate the Justice System.
And Cops.
Fuck Speed Traps.





email me if you have any comments or criticisms.

Or, you could post on my guestbook


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