“It puzzled Alfred to know end, as to whether it was his secretive condition that incited his country men to decide to add an new state ‘on a whim’...or whether it was their desire for another state that triggered America to lure the first nation at arms length into his bed.” [Hetalia kink meme fill - http://hetalia-kink.
Mpreg is, of course, a highly controversial kink in fandom. Although many fans hate it, I have enjoyed it when the series contains supernatural or science fiction elements that allow for the possibility. In Hetalia, the nations aren’t human; they’re anthropomorphic personifications. They’re clearly not bound to human laws of aging, not even relative to each other. Some nations were children for centuries, which others shot up in a matter of decades. Really, you can play with them just about however you’d want. Some of us like to apply this to reproduction as well, especially when it comes to America and his 50 states.
Personally, I love the image of America with a whole bunch of little states running about his feet. (Though, anyone else notice that America was and still is a teenage mom?) Therefore, for fun, I created some tables to list the various states' birth years and fathers. Obviously, no one need to feel bound by these tables, or pressed to agree. But I hope people can enjoy them, and that maybe some will even find them useful!
After the original 13, the timeline mostly does work out even going by the standard of a (roughly) nine month pregnancy, if you go by the order in which the states joined the union as their birth date. One way to resolve this issue with the original 13 consider them to be America’s lovers rather than his kids.
How does this work? Well, it means instead of the date they entered the union as their birth date, the year they were settled would be their birth date. Therefore, the year they entered the union would be their anniversary. Their ‘parent nations’ would be who established the first stable settlement there. Thus, England produced Virginia and Massachusetts but Holland produced New York and New Jersey, etc. (The indigenous people being the mother here perhaps?)
The ‘13 as lovers’ is supported in that the Articles of Confederation declared each of the colonies to be its own sovereign state. (There’s an account of some New Jersey Revolutionary War soldiers telling George Washington off saying “New Jersey is our country!”.) It wasn’t until the US Constitution was written and ratified in 1789 that they were united together under a strong central government, joined in ‘perpetual union’ as it were.
Of course, other, later states were sovereign before they joined the union as well (Texas being the oft-quoted example of this). If other people want to imagine other states as husbands/wives instead of kids, they’re welcome to. And, of course, we can tell logic to shove off and assume that since nations age at different rates, they can also develop at different rates in the room. In that case, we can consider ALL of the states to be America’s kids, including the original 13. Whichever theory floats our boats at the time, right?
|Virginia||1607||June 25, 1788||England||Oldest colony|
|New York||1614||July 26, 1788||Holland||Mother – Iroquois?|
|Massachusetts||1620||Feb. 6, 1788||England||Raised by Puritans|
|New Hampshire||1623||June 21, 1788||England|
|Connecticut||1634||Jan. 9, 1788||England|
|Maryland||1634||April 28, 1788||England|
|Rhode Island||1636||May 29, 1790||England||Last to join union. Mass’ troublesome younger sibling.|
|Delaware||1638||Dec. 7, 1787||Sweden||First to join union. Parent could possibly be England, but Sweden had the first stable colony.|
|New Jersey||1660||Dec. 18, 1787||Holland||NY’s younger sibling|
|North Carolina||1660||Nov. 21, 1789||England||SC’s older sibling|
|South Carolina||1670||May 23, 1788||England||NC’s younger sibling|
|Pennsylvania||1682||Dec. 12, 1787||England|
|Georgia||1733||Jan. 2, 1788||England||By far the youngest|
*This graph made assuming the colonies as lovers, not children. But you can just change the anniversary date to the birth date if you prefer them as children (and ignore the bit about New York’s mom).
And now for the fun part – BABIES!! Under the ‘father’ category, I’m going to list who I feel the father is most likely to be, based on extensive googling, wiking, and flipping through some books. I’m trying to choose nations that are featured in Hetalia as much as I can for the father. I’ll try to give explanations for my choice where I can.
|Vermont||Mar. 4, 1791||France||“Most likely to have been conceived during an alliance”|
|Kentucky||June 1, 1792||England|
|Tennessee||June 1, 1796||England|
|Ohio||Mar. 1, 1803||England||*Father could possibly be France, but it was Britain who won the land as a result of the Treaty of Paris, and then later ceded it to America.|
|Louisiana||Apr. 30, 1812||France||“Most likely to take after his papa”|
|Indiana||Dec. 11, 1816||France||Could arguably also be England or Canada. (England won it from France, then the territory was merged with Quebec for a time.)|
|Mississippi||Dec. 10, 1817||England||*Could be France or Spain. (Please see the note below for Alabama.)|
|Illinois||Dec. 3, 1818||France||*Although the area was claimed by Britain after the war, it wasn’t settled until America took over the territory.|
|Alabama||Dec. 14, 1819||Spain||*Possibly France or England. God knows. Seriously. If you take a look at Alabama’s history to try and figure out his daddy, you might get a clue as to why he’s so, uh, the way he is.|
|Maine||Mar. 15, 1820||England|
|Missouri||Aug. 10, 1821||France||Part of Louisiana Purchase |
*Please note: America has had a baby every year for the past 6 years here. No wonder he waited a good decade before his next one! (Please note, America also appears to have been
|Arkansas||June 15, 1836||France||Part of Louisiana Purchase|
|Michigan||Jan. 26, 1837||Canada||Originally part of Ontario.|
|Florida||Mar. 3, 1845||Spain|
|Texas||Dec. 29, 1845||Mexico||“Most likely to have been the result of rape” *Yes, there’s no Mexico-tan, but here only I’m making an exception as Spain really doesn’t fit as well in Texas’ case. And, uh, if that doesn’t sell it for you, then papa is Spain.|
|Iowa||Dec. 28, 1846||France||Part of Louisiana Purchase|
|Wisconsin||May 29, 1848||Canada||Okay, yeah, could be Britain or France. But most of the settlers there when America acquired it (after the war of 1812) were French-Canadian, so I’m giving it to Canada!|
|California||Sept. 9, 1850||Spain||Father could be Mexico, but Spain settled there first, and there isn’t a Mexico-tan yet, so I’m going with Spain.|
|Minnesota||May 11, 1858||England|
|Oregon||Feb. 14, 1859||England||Oregon might have been a wee bit premature.|
|Kansas||Jan. 29, 1861||France|
|West Virginia||June 20, 1863||England|
|Nevada||Oct. 31, 1864||Spain|
|Nebraska||Mar. 1, 1867||France|
|Colorado||Aug. 1, 1876||Spain||*Again, could be Mexico.|
|North Dakota||Nov. 2, 1889||Canada||TWINS!|
|South Dakota||Nov. 2, 1889||Canada||TWINS!|
|Montana||Nov. 8, 1889||Canada||…make that quadruplets|
|Washington||Nov. 11, 1889||Canada||…make that quadruplets|
*Why Canada for those four? A) So they can be quadruplets. B) Because although part of the land was Louisiana Purchase, part was jointly occupied was Britain, and most was first thoroughly explored by a Canadian. C) The US-Canadian border fluctuated back then.
|Idaho||July 3, 1890||England||TWINS!|
|Wyoming||July 10, 1890||England||TWINS!|
*given to England because it wasn’t really settled by any nation before America, and this way, it can be a twin! And yes, it is possible for twins to be separated by a matter of days actually.
|Utah||Jan. 4, 1896||Spain|
|Oklahoma||Nov. 16, 1907||France||Louisiana Purchase|
|New Mexico||Jan. 6, 1912||Spain||TWINS!|
|Arizona||Feb. 14, 1912||Spain||TWINS! |
*I know it’s a stretch, but the record for an interval between twins is 153 days so…
|Alaska||Jan. 3, 1959||Russia||“Most likely to have resulted from hate-sex”|
|Hawaii||Aug. 21, 1959||Japan||Another premature birth. |
*I actually favor the nation of Hawai’i as one of parents (with America), but lacking a Hawai’i-tan, I’ll go with Japan