Chapter 3: Added Complication

MEANWHILE ON THE YARFACED BEAUTY...

Cap’n Andrew and Adrienne’s stomachs growled upset from the lack of food.

Adrienne: So hungry..... DO WE HAVE ANY MAC AND CHEESE?
Cap’n Andrew: No, we do not, we ate the last box of Mac and Cheese yesterday, dear.
Adrienne: ASDFJKLSDHJKFLA!! WHAT!?! WE BE NEEDING FOOD! *fidgets with anger*
Cap’n Andrew: ...well, how about some meat? White meat! I heard McDonalds got those “new McNuggets” with white meat now!
Adrienne: Chicken? Hmm... I would like a chicken but not a McNugget. LET’S FRY A CHICKEN RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!
Cap’n Andrew: YES! That would be fun! Let’s go get one!

The two scamper off through their ship in search of a chicken that they can feast upon and uppercut crewmembers along the way.

ELSEWHERE...

Selona sat in her prison, which was a chicken coop since the Pirate’s prison cells were filled to the max. She had to escape and get back to the kingdom to be reunited with King Edmundo and save the kingdom. But how could she escape unnoticed? Tilting her head to the side in thought, her vision locked onto the chicken feathers. She smiled as a plan, so great no one would suspect, formed into her mind.

LATER...

Selona sat still with feathers, which were glued onto her from an egg’s yolk, covered her entire body. Two male crewmembers entered the chicken coop and scanned each chicken.

Pirate 1*with a lisp*: Now which one of these gorgeous chicks will I choose to enter the contest?
Pirate 2*normal speech*: What?.. Contest? I thought we were going to get something to eat...
Pirate 1: *slaps Pirate 2* Silly goose! I made that up to trick you into coming with me. *winks at Pirate 2 with a sexy grin* Anyways... I’m part of the Farmer Club and this month’s contest is to send in your best chicken that lays the healthiest egg!
Pirate 2: ....how were you hired into being a pirate?
Pirate 1: *gets closer to Pirate 1’s face and narrows his eyes* I wasn’t hired. *playful slap*
Pirate 2: ....oh..kay...
Pirate 1: TIME TO CHOOSE!!! *walks up to the chickens and gasps when he saw Selona* OH GOODNESS!! Aren’t you the pick of the litter, gorgeous. *eyes the broken eggs around Selona that she used to cover herself with feathers* ...haven’t you been a busy bee? I choose you!

Adrienne and Cap’n Andrew enter the chicken coop, not noticing the two pirates who were unintentionally hidden by a stack of hay. Cap’n Andrew drooled onto each chicken’s faces while trying to pick out the perfect one.

Cap’n Andrew: They all look so delicious.
Adrienne: We only need one! Hurry and choose, I be starving! *makes a tearful face when her stomach growled once more*
Cap’n Andrew: Ok.. I... choose..... YOU!! *dives at a chicken and clutches onto it* YOU AIN’T GETTING AWAY, HARHARHAR!!
Selona: *yelling at Pirate 1 and 2* GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!
Adrienne and Cap’n Andrew: .....
Cap’n Andrew: ...Selona?
Adrienne: *gets closer to the chicken and stares at it* ...............SELONA TURNED INTO A CHICKEN!!!!!
Cap’n Andrew: SHIT! WE CAN’T EAT HER!... wait.. yeah we can.
Selona: *still yelling* I SAID LET ME GO!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!
Cap’n Andrew: Oh no, I’m not letting you go. I’m hungry and you’re food.

Cap’n Andrew and Adrienne both leave the coop with the chicken in triumph of their catch while Selona still struggles with the two crewmembers.

Selona: I’M NOT A CHICKEN!!!
Pirate 1: You’re my prize chicken! Now time to send you off! *shoves Selona in a box*
Selona: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!
Pirate 1: How about you carry that box for me, `eh? *pats Pirate 2 on the butt*

AT THE CASTLE...

Inside the King’s Chamber, Edmundo’s faithful Knights; Jenna and Pana, along with the witch waited for the arrival of King Edmundo and his fiancé. It has been one hour since the conference was called and it was turning to be a no-show.

Jenna: *punches Pana in the shoulder frustrated at
Edmundo* WHERE THE HELL IS HE!?
Pana: *rubs his shoulder glaring at Jenna* Oww.. I don’t know. *turns around and walks away out of hearing and pets his sword and whispers to it* ...Pana will have his revenge, ain’t that right Patricia?
Patricia: Yes Pana, you are a good boy.

Pana, the schizophrenic knight who seeks revenge against Jenna, who has abused him and humiliated him ever since he was recruited, hugged the “talking” sword, his true friend, with care.
Courtney chuckled under her breath, she was finally getting her revenge on that inconsiderate being who never saw her as a person.

Courtney: Well it seems our King has failed, I say we start making shipments to the pirate as soon as we ca-
???: NOT SO FAST!

The two knights and witch turned their heads in curiosity to who spoke that squeaky, raspy voice.

Courtney: ...*face turns a shade of blue*
Pana: *covers Patricia’s “eyes”*
Jenna: ...mi’.........lord?

King Edmundo stood before them in a ruffled underwear, with the “fruit of the loom” tag sticking out above his ravishing curves. His tantalizing chest stuck out with a luscious apple on his left and an appetizing orange on his right of his bra making it a full size 36D. His hair was braided and held into his crown, except one strand of fallen hair that dangled above his well-trimmed brow. The shimmering glitter along his eyelashes and eyelids gave a lush appeal to the gloss on his enticing lip-

Courtney: Sir, before this description goes on about your beauty... may I ask, what the hell happened to you?
Edmundo: I will be known as Jore, for now *glares at Courtney* WITCH! Never interrupt the narrator again or OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! *glances at everyone’s awkward stares and grins to them* I know what you’re all thinking. “How can he looks soooo good as a man AND A WOMAN! Jealously no doubt.
Courtney: Sir-
Edmundo: NO INTERRUPTIONS!!! Now, I am dressed like this because I need to marry a woman... *glares at Courtney and Jenna* and since there were no women in this kingdom left I would have to marry a man it would seem. So I said “No way am I marring a man! There has to be something good that I can have. And what better than ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD! And better than ANY man!?” .....myself.

Everyone lowered their head and sighed.

Jenna: Sir, there is NO WAY you can marry.... YOURSELF!
Eddy: I AM QUE-... KING!!! I CAN MAKE UP WHATEVER RULES I WANT!!!
Pana: ...then why not override your father’s rul-

Courtney comes from behind Pana and chokes him with floss cutting him off and keeps it up until he passes out on the floor.

Everyone: ....
Courtney: ...what? *glances around the room nervously*
Edmundo: ...Anyways it is now legal to marry yourself if you are the King. So there! I win. LOL!
Jenna: ...L.o.L.?
Edmundo: SHUT UP! Now... time to get my mistress.
Courtney: *now irritated* And how do you plan on getting that? They would whoop our kingdom’s ass if they wanted to!
Edmundo: ...I seriously doubt that.
Courtney: THEY JUST RAIDED US!! AND EMBARASSED THE KINGDOM!!
Edmundo: And for that, I applaud their cunning acts. But they are no match for our next attack!
Jenna: I CAN TAKE THEM ALL ON ALONE!!! Those stupid lumberjacks... after that fight I HAVE GROWN STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE!! They are no longer matched up to my strength.
Edmundo: Now time to reveal the plan. Huddle up team!

Everyone (even unconscious Pana who was dragged by Jenna) walked closer to King Edmundo.

Edmundo: Wait, except you Courtney.
Courtney: Why not me?
Edmundo: That fake nose could poke an eye out, so you’re not included..... freak.

Courtney, furious by this remark snatched the nose off and then the pillow and threw it at King Edmundo’s face before disappearing in the usual puff of smoke.

Edmundo: *gets hit by the rubber nose and pillow* ..moof?
ON SHIP YARFACED BEAUTY...

Cap’n Andrew: *drools all over the chicken* Sorry you won’t be seeing your lover when you’re in my stomach.
Adrienne: AND MINE!! CHICKEN!! AHAHAHA!!
Cap’n Andrew: I wonder how she turned into a chicken...
Adrienne: Who cares, I’m starving.
Cap’n Andrew: Indeed, arrr.

Interrupting Cap’n Andrew and Adrienne’s conversation, a puff of smoke ‘poofs’ into the room and Courtney emerges from it ready to scream.

Cap’n Andrew and Adrienne: YAY! GLAD YOU COULD VISIT US!!
Cap’n Andrew: WANT SOMETHING TO EAT? *raises his eyebrow *Hey.. where’s your nose?
Courtney: ....*faces changes to a look like she was ready to cry* I threw it at the King. He found out a way to keep his kingdom!
Adrienne: WHAT!? There’s not a woman left in that town except you.... and the head knight Jenna...
Courtney: ...HE MARRIED HIMSELF!

A dramatic ‘dun dun dun’ echoed throughout the room.

Cap’n Andrew: WHAT!? HE MARRIED HIMSELF!?!

The dramatic ‘dun dun dun’ replayed into the room.

Courtney: Yes and now he’s planning on.... GETTING HIS MISTRESS BACK!!
Cap’n Andrew: DUN DUN DU-.... *looks and notices the music didn’t play that time* OH FUC-
Adrienne: Well he won’t get her because I’m eating her.

Suddenly a loud ‘crash’ was heard and the ship was tilted to the side. Courtney, Adrienne and Andrew slid to the other side of the room from the tilt and ran to see what they hit.
Outside was a parked ferryboat next to the YarFaced Beauty.

Cap’n Andrew: Why is there a gay boat next to my ship?
???: BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY SHIP AROUND TO INVADE WITH!

The figure of a woman climbed into the YarFaced Beauty and stared eye to eye with Andrew, Adrienne and Courtney.

Jenna: For the king! *takes out her sword and stationed into her fighter stance-...* ....Courtney why the hell are you on here?
Courtney: ...uh... I’m not Courtney..... *shifty eyes*

Two more figures climbed from the ferryboat into the YarFaced beauty. One of the two made Adrienne and the Cap’n speechless.

Edmundo: *still in Jore form* Stupid pirates. I have outsmarted you once again! Hahahaa!
Pana: *takes out Patricia* HAHAHA..AHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAA!!! TIME TO DIE PIE-RATS!!

Adrienne and Andrew look to each other and shrug.

Adrienne: ALL RIGHT! If it’s a fight ye want, it’s a fight ye’ll get! Landlubbers! *takes out her pistols and laughs manically*

END OF CHAPTER 3