CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

King Edmundo stepped down from his throne and emerged to his chamber. He was excited for he knew that a wench would be there waiting for him. He walked faster with excitement rushing through him. He burst through his chamber door, and to his dismay, no one was there. He sadly walked over to his chair and laid his cloak upon it. Suddenly, in the corner of his eyes, he saw something move. Some one was in the room. He got excited again, thinking of a wench.

Edmundo: Come here, woman.

The shadow emerges into the light. It's his faithful knight, Carlos.

Carlos: I ain't no woman!
Edmundo: What the heck are you doing in my room?
Carlos: Well... *scratches head* I kinda came here, ya kow, to see you? *tries to look innocent*
Edmundo: *snorts* Your lying, tell me the truth.
Carlos: Screw you. *hits Edmundo*
Edmundo: You're lucky that I'm king, because any other guy would have you killed for that.
Carlos: *crosses eyes and mimicks Edmundo*
Edmundo: *whines* Stop that!
Carlos: *in the same whiny voice* Stop that!
Courtney: You two are very mature! *A dark shadow emerges from the darkness. She has a strap-on big nose, marker marks on her face for fake warts, and a pillow on her back under her black cape for a hunch back. She limps towars them*
Edmundo: You know Courtney, you take being the kingdom's witch a little too far... Why don't you just dress normally?
Courtney: *says in old woman voice* I AM NORMAL! *limps away*
Carlos: ...ok
Edmundo: So are you gonna tell me why you're here?
Carlos: uhhh... I think you're whore can tell you *runs*

Edmundo thinks to himself what Carlos meant and then realized what he was talking about. Carlos must have slept with his whore for the day before he could. He certainly doesn't want some "used" girl so he decides to go to his mistress... the only girl he knows is true to him.

MEANWHILE... on the ship YarFaced Beauty

Captain Andrew stepped out onto the empty, dark deck. It was late. He walked around inspecting the premises making sure his crew did a satisfying job. The first mate, Adrienne, approaches him with a cheerful smile on her face.

Adrienne: hehe...
Capt. Andy: Argghh there lassie, you look happy.
Adrienne: I am... I just beat the shit out of some ass who thought that a woman didn't belong on a pirate ship.
Capt. Andy: *laughs evily* Who was it?
Adrienne: Some deck swabber who doesn't know how to bathe.
Capt Andy: Well, I'm glad you are making a point on my ship, now if you will excuse me I must check on the bridge to see if we are on course. If all is well, I shall she you in your quarters in a little bit. *winks*
Adrienne: Oh my...
Capt. Andy: *proceeds towards the bridge* Shmee, check course.
Shmee: The north winds are forcing us towards the right, I'm doing my best to keep us on course.
Capt. Andy: Good. Do you have any idea when we'll arrive at Gristhmans Kingdom?
Shmee: If all goes well, two days at high noon.
Capt. Andy: Argghh, excellent. King Edmundo won't even know what hit him. *walks away laughing*

BACK AT THE CASTLE- in Selona's chamber

Edmundo knocks on Selona's door.

Selona: Who is it?
Edmundo: It is I, Edmundo the great!
Selona: Oh goody! *runs to the door and opens it. she throws her arms around him* You came to me, my love!
Edmundo: Yes, and I'm here to seduce you.
Selona: *laughs* As good as that sounds, we really need to talk first.
Edmundo: *sigh* About?
Selona: When are you going to marry me? I've been your mistress for over a year. *looks down* And I don't think I can be satisfied with just being your mistress. I know I mean more to you than that...
Edmundo: *looks at the pain in her face. he tilts up her head so she is looking into his eyes* You know I can't do that no matter how much I love you. I have to marry one of royalty... besides, being a wife isn't as good as being a mistress. As a wife you have to assign duties of the castle to servants, organize parties, and boring stuff like that. As a mistress, you get countless presents, luxury, and the best part of all.. *looks at her devil-like*
Selona: I know... but it's not fair! *tear swell up in her eyes* You'd better go. I'm not feeling well.
Edmundo: But..
Selona: GO! *pushes him out the door and locks it*

THE NEXT DAY IN THE COURTYARD

Jenna: Come on you lazy asses! Pick up those legs! I don't want any wimps in my army! *begins sword fighting with a random knight* What's the matter little man? Is the big bad girl knight kicking your ass? *with sword against sword, she puses him back causing him to fall* HAHAHAHA... wimp *walks away and starts yelling at random knights for being lazy.*
Carlos: Geez Jenna, you're really working us hard today... did Edmundo piss you off again?
Jenna: As a matter of fact he did. He finds it amusing that a girl is head knight and none of you wimps can beat me. He's a typical man, he thinks a woman's place is in bed, not in battle.
Carlos: Well he's just a sicko pervert with many whores. He doesn't know any better.
Jenna: Don't lie to me! I know you think the same way! You just want to disagree because HE said it. Now drop and give me fifty!
Carlos: Yes ma'am! *drops to the ground and begins his pushups

END OF CHAPTER 1